posted Sun, 05/20/2012 - 18:16
223047
+ 11 THE RECOVERY LOUNGE!....N/A, A/A, C/A, or any other Anonymous drug program!
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Welcome to the recovery lounge, this is safe place where eroid members can talk about recovery, steroids and recovery, or any other topic! There seems to be many of us here on eroids, there will surely be different fellowships in here and they are all welcome! Other eroid brothers are welcome to come and join the lounge if they would like, its open to the public!
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https://www.eroids.com/og/the-recovery-lounge-group
have at it, im not on here much anymore.
Just wanted to poke my head in and let you all know that today I can say I celebrate 2 years clean!!
It’s been a long rough road and I’m still learning about myself and struggle with different defects of character that I have but everyday is an opportunity to be a better person than I was yesterday. I wake up clean and go to bed clean and pray I continue to do so.
I’m very grateful that this thread is on here and am able to speak about my issues with other people who do what we do. Thanks to each and every one of you.
Congratulations brother!!! Keep on keeping on :-))
Thanks big dog!
Congratulations Sir~! 2years is Awesome~! Keep it up. Life just keeps getting better. I am grateful for Eroids and this thread too. Prayer and meditation daily, reading recovery literature daily, talking with Recovering addicts daily, regularly attending meetings, staying involved in service, participating in sponsorship, living the steps, then lifting and cardio= a great life that just keeps getting better.
backup2018currently "off the opoid wagon" tapering down helped me get off last time. I couldnt handle the "cold turkey" starting monday im going to be taking 60mg three times a day give my missus control of the tabs and make her take them to work with her that worked for me last time. Til i can eventually stop. Opiates is the only thing that ever got me. Ive dont damn near everything in my 37 years nothing got me like opiates that warm fuzzy feeling is like nothing else. Ive sole ustody of my child and its not right i carry on doing it i know its wrong and wanna stop its just so fucking hard when theyre everywhere literally at the touch of a button! Dont get me wrong i dont even get wasted anymore i just dont feel sick when i take them. Really gonna do it this time! For me and family and the baby on the way. I want nothing more than to be clean and not fuzzy headed and tired all the fucking time!
Dude my spine looks like Skelitors I need them just to walk around the lake. The only thing holding me together is muscle.. I can go without them but it is hard to work from my recliner. I feel your pain brother.
I have tried acupuncture, cortisone shots in my back shoulders hips and knees. Nothing stops the nerve pain in my back I hope the HG I’m trying with help.
I will keep you all posted on this. It is my goal.
Bro it truly breaks my heart to hear about the position you’re in, & at the same time I’m encouraged that you’ve decided to get clean. So many of us here have been right where you’re at & now have testimonies of victory. If I could offer you a word of advice from someone who’s been there & someone who’s seen it over & over again, don’t do it alone! Go get help man. You can get some temporary meds to subside the withdrawals. The sooner that you’re clean, the more time you can truly enjoy with the family. The time your spending now is cheating yourself & more importantly it’s cheating them. Can you ween yourself off.. sure it happens, but it’s a long hard road that usually leads to consoling yourself that you’re doing much less than you use to & having days that you “reward” yourself. Those kids are worth it man!!
Friend request sent
backup2018Thanks for the support mate, I just mailed you. Good to talk to people who "get it".
Broke my foot and leg real bad a few years ago, whilst I was on crutches in a plaster I fell over and shatters the navicular bone into 8 pieces, long story short I had bad complications, no blood flow, bone started dying, chronic pain that I still have now 3 years later, the bone ended up healing nearly 3 years later but I have a 1cm fragment of bone floating in foot still.
First 3 months I didn't even touch a panadol.
I saw my Dr at month 4 ish and he prescribed codeine, I thought nothing of it, one night I took 5 of them (30mg) tabs and it got me high, a nice warm euphoric feeling and put me in a great mood, the next day I done it again, fuckall pain and same nice high feeling, I kept going back to the doctor and getting them and all of a sudden I was taking 12 of them a day all at once for 6 months.
I went to dr and asked for something stronger, fucking tramadol, 50mg tablets rapid release, started at 4 tabs at a time, even better high feeling that lasted longer, everyday I would pop them all at once to the point I got to 25 tabs each day, sometimes I would wake up and take them in bed before getting up, this went on for a year I was fucked up, went to Dr got Valium to sleep, was popping ten the 5 mg tabs with my tramadol everyday, I was a mess, I would slurr my speech and bump into walls etc and this was everyday for a year, people who know me on here know I used to drink hard but I quit, well about 3 months ago I started drinking again to mix with the pills and puffing weed it fucked me up worse I was a mess, I crashed my car, lost a misses lost my job and nearly went bust, I complety stopped the drinking all together easily, stopped the Valium but unfortunately I was hooked on the tramadol.
In that time frame I would pop oxy contin when ever I could get it, I got my hand on fantanyl patches that release 12.5mg every hour for 10 days, I would cut the plastic strip from the patch and put it under my tounge and that shit fucks you up hard.
The feeling of all these drugs was amazing I used as a coping tool and it got out of hand.
I kicked everything except cigarettes 6 weeks ago because I took Valium mixed with tramadol and crashed my car driving to see family, that woke me up.
Two weeks ago I couldn't remember anything from say the last 3 years, literally ask me what I done two days ago and I'm blank, I've most my concentration and my balance, I go to doctors and turns out I got serotonin syndrome from the tramadol, up to a year to recover after cessation.
Unfortunately tonight I went and got tramadol from chemist with a script I had, I popped 8, I'm dissapointed I'm myself and I know I won't do it again.
So its hard to admit but I guess I'm a drug addict, 17 months on pain killers and Valium.
I look like shit, it happened so fast I did not realise before it was too late, I will try my best not to take again I know it will kill me if I don't stop.
Hey mate I’ve been thinking about you & wondering how things are going?
backup2018I hope you get yourself together mate. Its an ugly thing we do to ourselves to survive the withdrawl. Im the same ive been an addict for around 4 years now. popping up to 30 odd pills a day sometimes more. Its my whole day to day ritual first thing in the morning then afternooon then later that afternoon then before bed. It takes everything from you.I wish they were harder to get i cant get them on the street where im from but there are other means to get them as we all know on here. Im gonna do my best to get off them once and for all this time ive so much going for me and i could lose it all so easily yet i still fukcing do it.
Hope you get all the support you need to aid u in your recovery loads of ppl here to talk to as ive found out. Im here to if you ever need to off load anytime.
your a sucker for a good feeling too I see.....You know the blue book says this disease is cunning, baffling, and insidious! I used to say I had a madman running around in my head grabbing my thoughts and tweaking them before i had a chance to listen to them. He would manipulate me without me even knowing. Yeah thats pretty sick when your manipulating yourself and dont even know. This is why they say an addict by themselves is in bad company. When I got clean I put that madman in a cage in my head, he was no longer free to roam around and still all my thoughts, but the longer he is in the cage the craftier he gets. even after years of recovery I sometimes have to laugh at myself when I realize the disease slipped in and tweaked some of my thoughts.
Early recovery can be an emotional ride that gets the best of us. The disease wants you to do this alone because it knows that is your weakest point, its gonna tell you over and over again you got this by yourself while its manipulating you into using. Its a vicious cycle of building you up thinking your in control, powerful and can do this on your own, while it sends using thoughts and dreams all day long. gives you all kinds of justifications, rationalizations, resentments, depression, until you use again. Then you feel like shit cause it beat you and the cycle continues. Most of us would not be able to do it by ourselves. very good idea to get to some Narcotics Anonymous meetings. you might find out their is many people there that think like you and been through what you been through.
While you get a few days, months, years clean, the disease is in the parking lot doing push ups. there is no more I can control it, I can do it for the weekend, ill just do this for the birthday party, I have to do it for the pain.
Your life is in the balance, eroids is a not a source of recovery, this thread is a good start but you need to seek help brother. not tomorrow, or next week, but right now. find some meetings in your area....Go there, raise your hand and tell them you need help.....There is something extremely powerful that happens when you talk to other addicts about whats going on....
Keep us posted
Goddamn brother, you truly have a gift for articulating this. Wow.
How’s everything going now bro? I just wanted to let you know that I’m in your corner & I believe you’re more than strong enough to kick it all man!!
I’m sorry that you’ve been going through this. I’m glad that things seem to be taking a turn for the good. Do what it takes to get clean and get back control over your life. Lots of guys here understand and support you. Thanks for sharing and the very best of luck in 2018.
Im glad you posted this. To myself and so many others this is like a replay on our own past experiences. Without taking too much time, I did the oxy route for a few yrs but that shit was expensive.
Switched to opana for awhile. Let me tell you what. Those 40mg opana are the fucking devil. Once those went bust found little bags of brown powder. Fuck sniffing them. That shit hits harder when you boot it. Did that for more yrs than I care to count. Finally found my way out 4 yrs ago on veterans day(states). Had a fee fuck ups the 1st 6mo but eventually kicked it. Its a monkey on your back that will never go away because we cant forget the euphoric feeling you describe but we can strap that fucking monkey down so he cant fuck with us any more. Glad you're kicking this shit. Its a bitch for sure but just keep doing it.
Sharing that experience is invaluable bro & whatever you do keep sharing it!!
FR sent
Bro I’m sorry that I’m just seeing this!! The lesson is a hard lesson to learn, but I’ve known many drug addicts & I’ve never met one who planned to be or who wanted to be a drug addict. The choice is now yours & no one can make it for you or take it from you my man. This is truly do or die. You’re not alone & you don’t have to do it alone & without a doubt it is possible to kick it & never look back.
So you fell down, then get back up & don’t be a twig
Do not focus on the bad, but 100% focus must be on the positive & the positive in this situation is you’re alive & it’s not too late. You’ve been given a great door of opportunity now knock it down & walk through it man!! A man isn’t measured by your mistakes, but rather how you recover from them. You have help here & you can pm me anytime bro. I deal with this on a weekly & sometimes daily basis. I’ve been through it & I feel I made it so I can help others make it. I was on crack, heroine & anything else I could snort or smoke. You got this brother!!!
How are you today man?
Hey guys,
New to the forum. Been using it to source gear sites but recently joined so I can leave a review of some orders. I was browsing and was pretty shocked to see this as a topic. Pretty cool! I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Have been clean and sober for about 7.5 years now. Congrats to all of you on your sobriety! And to the people who are still struggling, there is hope. It takes a lot of discipline and understanding. You can get through it!
Congratulations bro & thanks for the encouragement here!!
Howdy fellas,
Hoping to get a littlw advice on something. SSRIs withdrawl is a bit of a beast to deal with. My understanding is that some of the symptoms are similar to Benzo's withdrawl so figured some of you lads might know about the ''Brain Zap' symptoms. Its a crazy one where even you moving your eyes constantly causes a crazy surreal electric zap where nothing feels real... very strange.
Question is, is there anything holistic that can lessen such withdrawl symptoms? (Not meds just natural/holistic things)
Anyone got any ideas or experience with this thatbthey could share?!!
I don't have a suggestion but I just wanted to say, I honestly I thought I was the only one who felt this. I thought I was crazy! It happens when I go a couple days without Lexapro. Such a surreal feeling. I hope you find a way to lessen the withdrawals.
Chwers fella, Yeah its pretty bad. You can expect that feeling 24/7 at first when you come off the lexapro. It seems all the ssri's withdrawl are very similar (sertraline for me).
I am thinking its actually a sort of brain damage/growth thing whereby new pathways are firing. Its insane, there are fireworks (like welding light) shooting off in your eyes... even weeks later.
This is what i have found so far....
Caffeine conaumption makes a difference... minimise caffeine if possible
Sleep really mattera... its worse when tired. A nap during day + early nights with normal time to rise ses to be a big factor.
Alcohol does not help in any way. This stuff cannot be dulled that way
Just wanted to say thanks for starting this thread. Grateful to be clean. My Clean date in NA = 2008. I am that guy that woke up and said i gotta find a new way to live. Off gear now, since August. My workouts are a cruel joke. Last 2 cycles(Tren A + Test Pro) failed to gain any weight, sources were highly reputable US Dom. Diagnosed with AIDS 1999, unable to find Doctor that will assist in Anabolic Steroid use. Fearful if I press my Doctor for help, and admit to using illegal drugs to self-medicate, he will no longer treat me. 56yo, 5'10", Down to like 165#, no drive for anything. I have some gear but i should pitch my old AS stock, and start over, after like 30days of consistent training? My Doc is not cooperative, I know I'm repeating. Any encouragement would be appreciated. Please suggest a cycle, or source would be great too. Deciding between Equipoise 300mg 60ml for 16 weeks, or Deca 300mg/ml for 12 weeks, with Test E 300mg/ml. I don't use orals because of liver damage. I've done 6 cycles, & never done PCT perfectly. It was suggested by some one i respect i should post my challenge to stay clean and healthy, in spite of prognosis, up to this forum, & expect some brutality. Seeking Experience, Strength, & Hope. This group is kinda my higher power today. If you are new to recovery please know whatever your challenge today someone has already been through similar challenges and stayed clean. Your situation will get better if you follow the principles of honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. I have never regretted following the suggestions in NA basic text. Thanks for reading this.
First of all, congratulations on getting clean & staying clean!! Now as far as the AIDS, how is that affecting you & is a DR helping you with that treatment?
Brother it’s apparent that you’ve made some bad decisions in your life & it’s cost you & you’ve been through a lot & you’re still facing a lot. Man, most of us have been there. The good news is your past does not define who you are today. You have a choice to be whatever you decide to be. For example, clean, strong, self accountable, in shape & I could go on & on. Those are all situations that you have control over if you decide to take control over it! You admit to self medicating with steroids. You recognize & take accountability for it, but what do you do about it? You see my friend your problem is much deeper than needing a cycle or a source. Your problem is on the inside & steroids doesn’t fix it. So, what you need to do before anything else is take care of you. You seem very discouraged, depressed & despondent. Bro steroids don’t fix that & in many circumstances it elevates them. Do you spend too much time focusing on regrets and/or mistakes & circumstances that you have no control over? All that time is wasted time & it’s a vicious downward spiral that leads to hopelessness. You have to CHOOSE to be positive! You have to choose to not focus on things you cannot change or the things you have no power over & focus on those things you can control! You’re setting yourself up for failure following the plan you have now & even with another cycle. Gear doesn’t cause you to focus on workouts, focus on diet & make all the lifestyle changes that you need. It’s a waste of your time & money if your mind isn’t right! Take some time to focus on you & those things you need to change & move forward in progress. Minute by minute, hour by hour & day to day. There’s help if you desire it & you’re not alone. Feel free to send me a friend request & pm me anytime. Also, I started a new group for depression, anxiety & PTSD
https://www.eroids.com/og/depressionanxiety-discussion
I remember watching or reading something about fentanyl some time ago and how it's killing people on a large scale in the US and Canada. I had no doubt it would be here in the UK before long. And yes it's here to.
Bumped into an old friend from my lost years days and he's well and truly addicted to the stuff. He always smoked H on foil and thought at first that he'd got some very pure heroin, after talking to some of the others he'd see when he went to get his H it turns out he'd been buying fentanyl and not heroin. Said it looks and runs on foil exactly the same, just tastes a little different. I know what they cut heroin with to make it run on foil so im guessing they just use the same stuff.
It makes me fucking sick to hear these unscrupulous dealers have give no fucks other than making cash off of the backs of these poor souls. And what's been happening over the pond is sure enough going to be happening over hear with accidental od's and death.
7 months clean here. Grateful for this post
Dafaq, everybodys cured?
No. pip's so bad we cant type. lol.
LMFAO
Struggling right here.... I am still clean and approaching 2 years. My problem is fixing all the bullshit behaviors and character defects that I had because a lot of them are still here.
Example, I’m in a relationship with an amazing girl and am completely in love with her, knew it from day one. My problem is other women. I like the attention, I love beautiful girls, and granted I haven’t cheated I’m still struggling with being an honest and faithful man. On a social media app I was messaging like 3 girls just small talk and flirting but don’t know why because I have a girl and wouldn’t trade her for any one of them but still I did this? She saw the messages while holding onto my phone while I was back getting a CT scan in the hospital and it broke her heart. She said it was just as bad as me cheating. I get it too. We’re still together and I’ve deleted every social media source that I had, but I still need to address it and be honest with myself. I don’t want to hurt her ever again and I’m trying hard but Indont want to be a liar anymore I want to be a good person man and it’s fuckin hard it eats me up. I lied to survive out there and it just comes so natural still to this day. I need help in this area before I lose what matters most to me.
http://recovering-couples.org/
See if there is any meetings in your area....No its not a place to hook up with girls....lol....its a place to learn how to treat yours, a 12 step program you do with her.
Your still looking for that feel good. Remove your drug of choice and the attention from the opposite sex is your new high. You reconized the problem that is the first step. We don't get well overnight. Its a process.
Hardly brother. Just living this dream one day at a time. Life on life's terms. Shit is incredibly challenging some days, and even more rewarding others. Today was a rewarding day for me.
Its supposed to be that way, without experiencing lows we wouldnt appreciate the highs. simply put, the harder it is the more I smile at how great the reward will be. With my Career path I work my ass off for 4 months and then get 2 slow months and repeat. Countless times i think at about 6-8 weeks of everyday, 12+ hour days, its gonna be Fkn great to take a mini vacation or buy something i want. I used to hate the days that where challenging, but somehow ive got to the point that I long for them. Weird? maybe! I like the challenge and love the triumph. I remember having a meeting once that was for couples, you basically learn to communicate with your spouse and work a 12 step program together. was a really cool fellowship called recovering couples anonymous. Anyway, I was sitting their owning up to how I had said something to my spouse that i shouldnt have and somebody ended up saying "dont worry, God will give you another opportunity!" And you know he did, she pissed me off everyday for months! lol.....
This is the most beautiful thread I’ve ever seen on a forum. I’m happy to announce WE celebrated 19 months clean on the 4th.
It’s so surreal and a beautiful thing. My life now compared to where I was is incredible. From homelessness to jails to prisons it was a messed up state of being.
I couldn’t have done it without my God and the great people that surround me.
I’m new to Eroids but am glad you all have a thread like this! Thanks guys!
Well I made it to a 9 year chip........But more importantly to peace of mind. I certainly chose to make many bad decisions, which ultimately led me down a path where i had lost the ability to make good decisions on a regular basis. And while i had drugs and money abundant, I had the police wanting to put me in prison for a decade. I wasnt broken, tired, or drugs just simply didnt work anymore. No my story is that I was still having a party and really no intentions of quitting. And i damn sure didnt relate drug use to feelings. My life was just great as far as I was concerned. I loved selling dope, loved the women it brought, loved the money, loved even out smarting the law, I was addicted to the rush of it all. I had worked very hard to achieve such status, going to cop 5 pounds of meth at a time during my peak, that was about every 14 days. I Fkn had life by the balls and lived like it was my last day to many times. Corvettes, camaro, truck, street bikes, mustang, bought my house(I literally had all those in the driveway at one time).....And i got high for any damn reason and none at all, I was the best damn drug addict I could be
I say all this for one simple reason, I wasnt ready to quit, I had become so used to the insanity it was normal, and I was absolutely terrified of loosing all that power. That ego, that place that SO MANY people would put me, above other drug users. I was different Damn it!!!!!
But I was humbled by a man, I seen him once and never again. My God must have put him in that room that day. He simply said that drug dealing was making a living off other peoples misery, and I was crushed!
I gave it all up, everything! didnt have a job, no money, no way to make money, no dream. I was lost! started working steps and learning that i didnt know shit about myself, and that I ran from everything hard in my life with my blame thrower. And that made me feel even worse.
But I did EVERYTHING I was told to do and I put everything I had into it. I didnt know if it would work! But there was one thing I knew for sure, the only thing different between me and everybody else in the room that talked about some pretty bad lows....was time
I say all of this just simply to say, the program works! I successfully have stayed clean without a single relapse for over nine years. My life is so full and meaningful now, I really dont even know that person in the first paragraph. The only thing me and that guy have in common, is I try to be the best damn me I can be!
Give the program a try, use the same effort you use to get loaded and your recovery will be unbelievable.
Trust me, if i can do this you can too....
Testgod4lifeThanks for the post bro. I'm coming up on my 1 year chip, and cant be more proud of myself. After 9 years of using opiates of all kinds I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror doing a line of H. Mixing sports with drugs was hell of a ride, but it takes a stronger person to kick the addiction and make you and your health priority.
Getting loaded, while it was indeed a full time job, was 100 times easier than facing the fears of day to day life clean, humbled, and emotionally fragile....
Congratulations, 1 year is a super Fkn awesome achievement....
getshitdoneI have opiod addiction which im really trying to overcome. Got addicted to codeine while being treated for sciatica. Im a single parent so i have sole custody of my child which i battled for thru the court system.
I want to ask my GP for help but im afraid incase it gets leaked to social services!
My child isnt neglected ir doesnt go without or anything im fully functional member of society. I just have an addiction i cant kick! Ive tried tapering but i always relapse or ind an excuse to. Can the GP notify social services. If i ask for help?
Addiction is progressive and know matter how much with think we are productive member of society. We are not. Finding means and ways of getting more takes away from are loved ones. Yesterday i wanted to use so fckn bad. I went to a meeting instead. I am facing all kinds of stuff i can lose but the disease of addiction does not care. You cant do this alone so get help while you can. I hate yo see you lose everything.
Pm sent
I'm sorry I'm just seeing this after 2 days! Here's you a little motivation incase you missed it
https://www.eroids.com/forum/general/off-topic/there-is-hope
Listen my friend, get help & don't waste anymore time. Your child deserves it!! They don't punish you for seeking help by stripping your children away, it's when you don't seek help & they find out you're an addict. The longer you wait the greater the chance of screwing up is. I had this same talk to a close friend mine who had a 3 yr old daughter. The mom died from an OD. He kept making excuses & minimizing his addiction until one day he started shooting instead of snorting & justified it by saying his dope would last longer &'save money. He got on a binge & him & sister broke into some houses one night for drug money. She didn't wake up the next morning due to OD & he was arrested & sentenced to 30 years. Don't put it off & do whatever you have to due to get clean. There's a lot of cases just like yours where addiction started from an injury. The shame isn't in the fight that you became addicted, the shame is when you don't seek the help needed to kick it!!
FR sent
Iop day 1. 3hrs a day 3 days a week. What ever it takes.
whatever it takes my friend. I sit here today just a few more decisions away from 9 years clean, and its hard for me to remember the last time I thought about using, fleeting thoughts sure but I mean actually thought I want to get loaded. Maybe its been 5 years, maybe 7 years, I dont know but its been a long time. I cant tell you WHAT did it for me, but I can tell you I remember going to meetings 12-15 times a week and having something to talk about in just about every meeting pertaining to the disease and how it played on my mind and when it was talking to me. I do feel that lots of H&I helped me, but regardless there was no recipe other than do everything until I felt like I understood the disease. Fast forward to now and I hardly ever think to myself oh theres that disease, it does come around but for the most part its gone, retreated to the back of my mind waiting for something in my life to happen the takes me away from my strong mindset. A mindset I have diligently filled with other people, places and things. A mind set I have struggled to change the way I think, treat people, talk, walk, act, and yes think, as crazy as that sounds. Im not saying I have the power to change WHAT im thinking but rather the things I think about, and that has changed WHAT I think. My brother I have seen your struggles here, I feel your pain, I now have empathy for you and what you have to deal with in this journey. And with every fiber in my heart I wish I could lend you my mind for a few hours so you can see this quiet, peaceful, loving space, financially stable, with little to no concern or stress on all the intricate things that used to eat me alive. Just a few hours and I know you would say THAT is what I want, THAT is what I WILL GET, and I promise you you would not stop till you found this place. But I cant, I can only try my best to empower you to make this journey on your own, through your own trials and tribulations, and hope that you make it here.
Keep fighting the good fight!....
Wow, very well said. You can't learn that in books. That is the sage advice of someone who has a personal and intimate understanding and found the strength to survive. Wisdom.
Not only that, but no looking back and no crutches which is a sign of a true transformative experiance. Great respect, my hat is off to you.