posted Sun, 05/20/2012 - 18:16
221670
+ 10 THE RECOVERY LOUNGE!....N/A, A/A, C/A, or any other Anonymous drug program!
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Welcome to the recovery lounge, this is safe place where eroid members can talk about recovery, steroids and recovery, or any other topic! There seems to be many of us here on eroids, there will surely be different fellowships in here and they are all welcome! Other eroid brothers are welcome to come and join the lounge if they would like, its open to the public!
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Im in the same boat exept i take subutex. Had my doc switch me because the strips ( suboxone)were so damn expensive as i do not have insurance... even tho i am now dependant on this drug i have held down fulltime work and am a father to 4 kids and have an amazingly supportive wife that I could not do with out. I look at the positive side. While takin subs i dont worry about using. Everynow and then ill get a trigger but when i think about how that will end up( play the tape all the way thru) its enough to deter me.. i couldnt put together 2 weeks clean on my own an now i have a year.... i have high blood pressure issues but im in no hurry to stop taking my meds for that because there is a huge benifit. Same witg the subs exept the benefits are priceless.. i have my life back.
Thanks for sharing chief. Keep on your path and chart a course to getting off this, even if it takes a few years. Go at your pace and remember that there really isn’t a time limit. Vee best of luck!
King, thanks for accepting my friendship. Great post. You are not alone. One day at a time, Never again! You are worth Recovery. I found a new way to live, you are too. thanks for reading this.
KingsolverThanks Auto that really means a lot. Anytime you want a chat at all just PM me (no homo) lol
Its refreshing to know that we really arent alone in this battle. Its surreal being clean. I still have the battle in my mind esp today when i was in town and so many pharmacies are right at my fingertips but ive been staying strong. Ive saved £225 this week in being clean as well. There are nots of incentives to go the clean route. Thank you again dude.
shirlsguyBest of luck to you! These things can be hard as hell and I feel anguish just reading your situation. Here's hoping you have awoken to another clean day.
KingsolverThanks mate that means a lot. The support here is unreal. Ive been 6 days clean so far and im gonna really do it this time. So fingers crossed for me,
Congratulations.... that’s awesome mate!!!
I hope you manage it this time mate - as I learned yesterday there are some very supportive and solid people on here that will look out for you and have your back in times of need
KingsolverThanks mate, Ive never been more serious about anything ever. This time feels different i feel like i can actually do it. Ive been enjoying life these last few days and not being a slave to opiates. Everything is so much better sober food and sex is heightened ten-fold! Ive gained 6 llbs this week aswell its great. Im so focused and training is helping me aswell. Though i have to agree in what you said about the support here i never really saw it until now. This is a fantastic place for support. I seen your drama you had yesterday and yes its good to see people have your back. That was pretty shitty and so school yard antics. Thanks for your kinds words mate it means a lot.
The training is the main thing that will get you through it man - it did with me and quitting drinking. If it weren't for the training, the great feeling it generates/appetite/relaxation & forfillment I'd of given in and got back on it. No matter how down or just not in the mood to do it you get you have to still go - it will get you through everything and keep your head straight like nothing else can
Once the guys here realise you are a good person and have no bad intent all of a sudden everyones attitude and comments towards you change and it really does become quite a big part of your life if you are spending an hour or 2 of your time on here everyday lol Don't give in!
KingsolverWhat you have said is 100% right mate. I feel so much stronger in the gym now and I WANT TO GO before when i was doing opiates i was having to drag my ass to the gym and making piss poor excuses to cut the training sesh short or not go at all. I feel so zoned in focus its madness i cant wait to get up and just go to the gym. Youre right if i spend a few hours here per day i can damn well hit that gym haha. Im not one for being nasty to other people i treat people who i want to be treated so ther'll be no danger in that happening. You've a lot to do with my motivation and truth to myself mate. So thank you. Good speaking with you again.
shirlsguySometimes I post something so controversial, real thoughts, but ones I would dare not share in the real world. People jump my shit so bad it just drives me up a wall. I sit there banging out replies and f-bombs on the keyboard until my actual brain just takes over and tells me to pound it on the weight pile. Then, on the weight pile, all the stuff I was calling slander an hour earlier starts to make sense and I come home to make some changes in my life. I have some of the most fouled up thinking that god ever allowed an intelligent being to have, so whenever you get down too deep, there is me. Keep with it, mate, the chatter helps me too.
I’ve been where u r now and there’s plenty of others that have been too. Took me a solid month to shit after I stopped cuz I was so slowed down. Was like pushing out a football lol. The sickness sucks but it’s doable especially with help. IMO once ur not sick anymore that’s where the challenge begins. Staying stopped is the tricky part. Be prepared to have a battle in your own head between ur will and ur brain convincing u that u can have more. Be prepared but b confident. As long as u do everything ur told to do u can do it
KingsolverThanks mate for the words of encouragement. Im currently 6 days clean. Im the opposite the first cpl of days were terrible for being on the toilet lol i felt like just sleeping in there cus i was never off it haha. I feel so much more clear headed i look better aswell not pale and pastey. Its fucking hard theres like 10 pharmacies on the one road where i live so temptation is strong,. Im gonna do this tho, Its so good to be able to come here and share experiences with other member who have been where i am. Thank you again guys.
Oh yeah once that football came out I filled the stadium within the week lol. In the first 5 months of being clean I went from 130 to 189 lbs. not all where I wanted it lol but from being too weak to lift a crack pipe back to benching 275 felt good. It only gets better the longer ur head stays out ur ass. I kinda told myself when I was tempted “nah I’ll get high tomorrow if I still feel like it” and I’d wake up the next day and not wanna do it, glad I didn’t either. Repeat as necessary
shirlsguyI remember watching guys getting cleaned (by force of lockdown) off of hard drugs and street life. Goes two ways with life experience and hopes for me. I had worked years to get to the point I could work 100kg on a bar and guys would enter the institution just wiped out from hard life. All the regular meals and good food along with a roof over head would explode their bodies back to an historical state that even they could hardly remember. I would watch guys' physical strength return to them in a rate of increase over a period of months that has taken me years. Our bodies are miraculous and they usually react wonderfully to a clean life style. I have seen it a dozen times or more with first hand acquaintances and friends. The second is that the truth shows itself quickly. Seen kids come in just piping loud about the weight pile and how they are going to smash it up. They would brag about a 305-lb bench press or a 500-lb squat and one set of wheels would be crushing them. They quit in weeks or days. It was always the humble ones who showed results. Usually they ended up with me, as I frequently needed a workout partner. I was an asshole about my workouts and I was religious to the extreme, but I also had the weights at yard open and that was attractive to many, so inevitably new people would end up asking me if they could workout with me. And this is the key.... it goes for free life as much as guarded. These guys were always looking for something to do. I offered something that they remembered and they really just came out to pass time away. Their bodies did what they do naturally and pretty much they had to move on to bigger and stronger partners because they turned out to be actual monsters in the strength and size department. Now, the monsters worked out with me plenty, but we had guys who benched 500-lb with squat well over 600-lb. It was too much of a mismatch but was still pretty rewarding, and inspiring, to be a part of someone's return to health like that. So that is what keeps giving me hopes this time around. I am on day 84 with my own demon and I know first hand from dozens of others and a couple times myself. It all comes back. Oh yeah, I return to work tomorrow. Was planned for Monday, but they called me in early. I had work today if I could have, but have promised the day to the family. It can get better much quickly than fears can present.
You know the joke..... getting clean is like playing a country record backwards...grandma is back alive, your dog comes home, and the wife no longer cheats.... something like that.
You can absolutely do it & it's 110% worth everything to get clean & stay clean!!!
https://www.eroids.com/forum/general/off-topic/there-is-hope
KingsolverThanks so much for sharing that real truth Jarhead. I know i can do i just have to want it and today i really want it. I want to be clean so much right now im a slave to opiates. Im hoping that doing these pacthes will help me get there. Like i said im not going to abuse them its just to stop be getting dope sick. Which is what makes me fail so much everytime but i know guys who have had sucess with them but they have fell back as the lure to get high was so strong. I dont wanna feel high anymore. I just want a helping hand to keep me stable and occupy myself with going outside and doing things instead of being in the house and doing pills. I recently watched a movie called 6 ballons and it really hit home that ive felt so sick if had to shop around 3 differnt chemists to get enough pills to get high and not feel sick anymore. It doesnt discriminate on who it chooses. Im at the stage now still where i can come back from this. So i choose now to LIVE.
Thanks again Jarhead. Your an inspiration to me. Ive ready many posts from you on here this little section is whats helped me come to my concluson on what i want to do with my life so Thank you.
Just wanted to drop in haven’t been on in a long long time, been working on my program and getting my life back in order. Finally had had enough, and as of today I’m 19 months to the good. I say that as humbly as I can because I know all I have is today! Grateful to part of this amazing community and grateful to find yet another support group, tool for the box and pillar in my recovery by reading your shares!
Congratulations~! Some people say Happy Birthday too. Thanks for sharing this here too. I'm with you, I want every available tool in my toolbox. I want to know how to use the tools too. Eroids & this thread help me, teach me, to use Testosterone to Recover rather than use T & AS to act out on my self-centerd?, self-destructive, & addiction.Thanks for reading.
KingsolverCongratulations mate!!!
Congratulations brother!!!
Know what seriously pisses me off? People in the program telling me that just because I run gear that I’m not “sober” and that I’m still using a mind or mood altering substance. So many judge mental people in the program. If I don’t have a needle in my arm or drinking on a bottle then leave me the fck alone and let me run my gear in peace
shirlsguyI am really glad to see this! I have barely been alcohol clean since May 19th, so the choice to pull out my Deca last month made me wonder if I was swapping problems. I dropped my AAS in 2014 due to high BP and never went back for issues in my life and that fact that I ended up drunk again. I don't know if you gave me the words I want to hear or if I understand you, but I do like your post. I don't have a recover group in public yet, just my wife and me. If she slips, I am fucked for sponsorship. I have my kids, and they rode with me getting this house clean in May, so they are awesome, but they do NOT need the troubles of a drunk.
Hey, Mc great topic. I'm glad McMeanie brought this up. Not giving advice, just sharing my experience, strength, and hope. I don't share in meetings about gear, about my diagnosis, or treatments. Outside issue. I don't tell anyone about my steroid use. I use Eroids for that. I don't tell my sponsor. I do believe in telling my Sponsor everything. I realize this is a conflict I may have to adjust. I am open minded and willing but not today. I read "In times of Illness" regularly. My personal belief in Recovery, bolstered by almost all Recovery literature, is that I can't claim clean time if I am using prescription medication like testosterone without a prescription= self-medication. I have AIDS since 1999, my doctor does not believe injection testosterone is safe, he would prescribe the cream/gel($300+/month not covered by insurance) which i tried and gave me too many negative side effects, and diminished pozitve main effects. So, I self-medicate. My Doctor's assistant is aware of my self-medication, and suggested when I take a break from testosterone, I bring up to my Doctor again. I do not invite recovery people judgement on this issue. Thanks for reading this.
How many of you still suffer from nice things syndrome? Ive never fully been able to kick it. So far it hasnt shown itself in a bad ways. Drives me to make more money and stay focused on goals. But I know based on literature im trying to fill a void inside. But that void is elusive.....
shirlsguyIt used to take the funds of a bank to fill my syndrome, banks which I did not necessarily have an account with. The US Feds cured me of that illness, they gave me a 130-month rehab program and as you know it, Feds let you have 85% of that bed space. I keep my goals more simplistic these days.
BTW, I came in here because I have finally quit drinking and my wife is cruising the water wagon with me. I have tried for 10-years to get her to ride the sober train with me and we are keeping it clean. And.... without the alcohol syndrome, I can focus on a few nicer things. Not too may, but some.
P.S. I never put my club fed status out to the forum, let's keep it here. I wonder how many members might actually stumble in here?
As much as I can’t shake nice things syndrome I think the big one for me is good food syndrome lol. The other day I went out to dinner and this was very apparent when the bill showed up. Ordered an appetizer and two entrees and all gone within 20 minutes. The next day I did the same thing - appetizer and two entrees and all gone. Followed by cheesecake. At least with nice things I have something to show for it except for a gut that doesn’t quite fit in my shirt as well as it should anymore lol
Oh I get Roid Noid. So glad you brought that up. I used to fill my void. I am on disability, so my income is 25% of what i earned working. Stopping the shopping addiction was very difficult for me. Late one night on eBay I was about to order another set of $100/set bed sheets, & I thought "What do I think these sheets are going to bring me?" I didn't order them, and I now buy one or two pairs of shoes a year instead of a pair a month. I'm down to 2 cars. I still want to find validation in cashmere sweaters or jockstraps, LOL, but nice things and compliments like "Nice shoes" are not as validating as living a responsible life...LOL Nobody ever said "Nice sheets." I still spend too much time online looking at Rolex's & Rolls Royce's but now I even have too much pain from sitting too long at the PC, maybe a new Herman Miller desk chair?
Hope to all. 35 years here....booze. Hated the taste of the shit but it became my medicine. Bad medicine. Still smoke weed and take Advil though! lol
Got my first year yesterday!
congrats man! Huge deal
Congratulations~! Glad you are here Sir. Keep up the Great work~! Recovery is challenging, just staying clean is not really an option for me. I suspect you are on Eroids & Recovery Lounge because you want more out of life than what you have. Madonna sings "It goes without saying, that you long to be something bedder than you are today." Vogue
Congrats Brother.....Keep fighting the good fight
Gymlife4ever123456Can I gets some thoughts in maintenance programs like Suboxone if it helps you stay off everything . Do u consider your self cleaning just swapping addictions me personally I've was so bad off before I started taking them and now for over a year I've never been so happy and productive in my life while being on them ..I know everyone has their own recovery but I'm just courious on other opinions on this .
Suboxone is a great thing when used as prescribed with a good doctor that cares and is willing to work with you to taper off slowly & safely. Who gives a shit if you don’t consider yourself fully clean when you’re on it if it gets you to stop fucking around. You’re back to being/ feeling ormal and as long as you’re not abusing any other narcotics/booze, you’re clean in my book.
That being said, i think a slow taper is the way to go. You don’t wanna have to rely on it forever. That’s just my 2 cents anyways.
It’s only a crutch if you make it one.
You can Pm me if you want to know how me and my doc set up my taper. Not that it’ll be perfect for you but maybe it’ll help start a conversation with ur doc. I didn’t feel a lick of withdraw.
jayiskI did a slow taper and when I got to 2 mgs this is basically the schedule i followed.
https://opiateaddictionsupport.com/how-to-taper-off-suboxone-what-is-the...
I couldn’t agree more D!!!!
Thanks brother. I don’t ever post in here cuz I’m not in any “program” per se. but suboxone saved my life. I wouldnt be where I am today if I didn’t go on it (and successfully taper off of it) years ago. I was lucky to have found it.
At the time (like 14-15 years ago) it had just came out and there where only 2 doctors in the entire philadelphia area that perscribed it. I got lucky in that the one I went with was recovering himself and really cared. I think it’s great that there are so many now. So more people can have access to it, and can even be picky in choosing their doctor.
Sounds a bit like my story brother. Agreed, and God Bless.
Never hesitate to tell your story bro! Nothing more can help you relate to someone like saying, “I’ve been there & I know exactly how you feel & made it!” You can’t change the whole world, but you can help change one person’s whole world.
jayiskSuboxone done for maintenance or a long taper off is a life safer. People dont come off opiods cause who wants the horrors of being dope sick. I have personally stayed away from methadone cause it is liquid handcuffs. but if that is what u need to stay off dope..,great use it.
Suboxone isn't going to help u stay off everything. U can still get drunk, benzos, coke, meth, etc.
Suboxone is simple to take, u dont have to go to a clinic everyday to get it, and u don't get high off it taking as prescribed. And u can function in everyday life again.
I'm not really for just using suboxone in a detox for 5 to 7 days. thats not enough time and u r more likely to relapse because u will still be going through withdrawals.
I have experience with maintainence as well. Feel free to PM me
Gymlife4ever123456Sent u a fr olese pm me when u accept thanks bro
Accept my friend request and PM me. Like to talk to you.
Gymlife4ever123456Accepted and sent bro
Yukon_JackWhat's up fellas? 10months Monday. It's been a struggle but definitely worth it! If i wasn't clean and sober today I wouldn't be spending my 1st father's day with my daughter. Just glad to be alive today. I'm in a region where that fentynal is killing at astronomical # . Lost so many can't count them all. Life is good today.
jayiskgood stuff bro. just take it one day at a time and try ur best to manage stress/trauma when it comes ur way.
people selling the dope mixed with fentynal really dont know the right ratio to mix. they just put it out and if people start dying they realize they put too much.
the worse part of opiates is there r no days off. its the worse 24/7 365 day job u can have.
enjoy ur father's day.., they grow up quick
Yukon_JackNot even bro! U can't even find real dope in my city & it's the state's capital. Mixing it? It's pure white. Looks like blow. Dudes are dying off a,match head. They're mixing str8 fentynal with car-fentynal. If u know what that is you'll see what I mean. Haven't seen brown in almost 2 yrs. Not tryna glammorize this disease. The city mayor,attrny general & every authority in the book is calling it an epidemic!! Even Trump! Pm me if u wanna see the #'s. It's so sad bro. Mostly all good kids who chose to do just 1 more.
Worst part is when ppl overdose on it everyone says “damn that must be some good shit” and then they all drop like flies. I died twice last year getting hit from it. All it takes is one bad bag and it’s lights out. I lost 7 ppl in 2015: 8 including me if u count that other time I died and they brought me back. Glad to see another person made it out. Keep up the good work