La Mesa? Wtf is La Mesa? Breakfast? They are going to make me pancakes! Holy shit kids! The Mexican cops felt bad for me so they are making me pancakes!
No kids. Mexican cops have no soul and they feel bad for no one.
They load me into the back of this piece of shit truck with four other guys who collectively weigh less than I do and they are looking at me like I just stabbed their mother. I mean Madre.
There I am bouncing around in the back of a damn truck while my new little friends are saying shit to me that I don’t understand. I am assuming it wasn’t nice as the overtime seemed to be slightly negative. I tried to tell a joke but they didn’t seem appreciate it.
After what seemed like forever, we pull in to a place called La Mesa. Yes, La Mesa is a Prison and not a very nice place for an incredibly attractive white boy like myself. They herded us out of the truck and onto another room. Did a sort of role call and they took me to another dark room and threw me in there for another five days. This time with a little dirty water and the occasional mouldy tortilla.
I don’t know what these savages have against toilets. Holy shit...I just shit in the corner like it was nobody’s business.
After five days, I recieved a welcome treat as they beat the shit out of me one more time and released me into the General population of the prison. I could tell that the other prisoners were excited to see me because they almost stampeded in my direction to give me a welcome to Mexican prison ass whooping. This is the only time that I wished that I had a glass jaw as being able to be knocked out would have been very welcome.
As this large group of men beat the shit out of me they would work off single articles of clothing from me, first it was my shirt, then it was my shoes, then my pants. One man attempted to take my boxers and I listed every bit of no homo power that I had, grabbed him, pulled him underneath me and just started beating the shit out of this guy, all while others are kicking me and punching me. I didn’t care. I was going to kill this prick who tried to take my underwear. And then buzzing and darkness.
I woke up in a pile of trash, naked.
Then I heard it: “Welcome to La Mesa Bro’”. In perfect English. Holy shit kids, another American. My new best Friend.

To be continued.

• How to run a cycle in the Joint

1. How to run a cycle in the joint, Volume 2 Mexicana Boogaloo
2. How to run a Cycle in the Joint Volume 2; Chapter 2: La Mesa
3. How to run a cycle in the joint: Volume 2: Chapter 3: Mi Casa
4. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 4: Trial
5. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2: chapter 5: Arraigo order
6. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2: Chapter 6: The cycle
7. How to run a cycle in the joint volume 2: Chapter 7: El tercer piso
8. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 8: The hole game
9. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 9: The Sancho
10. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 10: Papa
11. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 11: The old man cometh
12. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 12: The Ritual