Holy shit kids, Ed here with a tale to tell.
Sit back and relax. Let me share with you a little piece of hell that uncle Ed experienced.
Let’s go back to March. I’m bored, chillin’ in San Diego and I decide to take a little trip across the border to TJ. It wasn’t my first rodeo in TJ so I took a trolley to the border made the death march across the border past the ripoff cabs to the cheep cabs. I of course am on a mission to my favorite pharmacia.
It had been over 15 years since I had crossed the border, but I knew it well and felt somewhat comfortable making the trip. My plan: Get some juice, a taco, and a Caesars salad and then back across the border.
There I am winding through the streets of TJ, the cab smells like a mixture of ass and old bandaids.
Little did I know, that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life.
After a little ride, we get to my destination, I pay the cabbie and take a walk.
There she was, just like I remembered. My favorite Pharmacia.
Standing outside the door is a man. Short, kind of fat, and dressed somewhat decent for a TJ local. I paid no attention.
I walked in to the Pharmacia and up to the counter..
How may I help you? The Pharmacist asked.
Me: “Um do you carry Stan?” (Stan used to be my favorite Mexican test blend.)
“No Senior, we have sostenon.” He said as he handed me a box of redi-Jects.
I ask for three boxes, and a couple of boxes of deca- redi-jects. He asks me if I need anything else..
And my dumbass thinks. “Hey Ed, get some Valium, you are sleeping like shit, get some Valium.”
So I ask for some Valium. The Pharmasist, I shit you not looks at me and says: “Are you sure senior?”
I say yes.
The pharmacist rings me up, and I’m on my way.
Just as I walk out the door, I am met by the gentleman that was sitting by the door on my way in.
He stops me, shows me a badge and asks me to see my prescription for the Valium.
Me, thinking this is some piece of shit trying to hustle me is starting to get a little pissed off.
I look at him and say: I don’t want any trouble and start to walk away.
As I’m walking away, this man half my size, grabs my arm and this sets me off...
“Holy shit Ed, what did you do?”
Well kids, that’s a good question...I did what any self respecting gringo would do and I belted that prick with one of the hardest rights I had ever thrown. Full hip twist and everything and the Prick dropped like a sack of Shit and I ran like Forrest Gump in a Vietnamese jungle.
I ran hard for at least two miles...out of the business district and into a seedier part of town. I ditched my juice and my Valium and decided to chill for a few hours.
After a couple of hours I worked my way back to the business district, purchased a new shirt and a hat and changed. Unfortunately, it’s not as easy to hide a 260 gringo in TJ.
I grabbed a cab back to the border and no shit, I didn’t walk 400 feet before I had 5 policia closing in on me.
I was shaking like a queer eating a corn dog.
They grabbed me, cuffed me, one prick cop tried to kick me in the nuts only to be limited by his fat ass flexibility (I actually had to force myself to not laugh) and they threw me into the back of a shitty ass police truck and drove me to a police station.
As we got there, they said a bunch of shit, laughing
They drug me into a room and proceeded to beat the shit out of me. I was handling it pretty good but really didn’t want to lose any teeth so I faked the most epic epileptic seizure these guys had ever seen. I was foaming at the mouth, shaking like a dog shitting a peach pit and making a gurgling noise as my eyes rolled into the back of my head.
“Did they stop Ed?
You bet your ass they did. They left..
And then silence. Silence for two effing days. No food no water, not even a place to shit.
And then there was light.
The door opened and there was a man with water. I would have kissed him...but of course as you all know. I’m no homo.
I drank, the man stood me up and said let’s go..
I asked:”Where are we going? Can I make a phone call?”
The man laughed and said:”Gringo, you are going to La MESA”.

To be continued.

• How to run a cycle in the Joint

1. How to run a cycle in the joint, Volume 2 Mexicana Boogaloo
2. How to run a Cycle in the Joint Volume 2; Chapter 2: La Mesa
3. How to run a cycle in the joint: Volume 2: Chapter 3: Mi Casa
4. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 4: Trial
5. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2: chapter 5: Arraigo order
6. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2: Chapter 6: The cycle
7. How to run a cycle in the joint volume 2: Chapter 7: El tercer piso
8. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 8: The hole game
9. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 9: The Sancho
10. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 10: Papa
11. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 11: The old man cometh
12. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 12: The Ritual