As some of you may have noticed, I’ve been gone for a while. Where have I been? Shamefully, I’ve been doing hard time in the county jail. That’s right 30 days to life for a crime I didn’t commit. Ok, maybe I did it, maybe I didn’t, and it was really only 30 days not “to life”. Thought it sounded badass, and I’m pretty badass so I used it.
So I get arrested. You all know the routine. I make bail and have a court date set. After talking to my lawyer, I knew that I would do anywhere from 30 to 90 days.
Why were you arrested Ed? That’s none of your damn business, lets just say it involved Datelines Chris Hansen.
So I ran into a problem. I started my cycle two weeks prior to the arrest. I wanted to go to jail as a badass, but didn’t want to crash mid-term, so I devised a plan to smuggle gear into the big house.
Holy shit Ed, how did you do that? Listen closely kids and I’ll explain.
First, I knew that there really is only one way to smuggle gear into jail. I wasn’t too keen on the idea of rectal smugulation, but knew that was the only way. So I decided on Shorty’s as my gear of choice. (Thanks Goth) I figured that shorty vials would be less painful and be less apt to get stuck. So I popped the tops, tied them off in baloons and got to “packing” for the trip.(No Homo) I stopped eating 1 day prior and drank a shitload of Fleets phosphosoda to ensure that my insides were cleaned out prior to packing my bags (if you know what I mean.) I’m not going to lie, packing the bags sucked ass, but after each vial I made it a point to yell out “No HOMO!” just to make sure that it didn’t count. I was able to stash 2 shorties of Test E, and two of Tren E. Yes kids… I put two bottles of tren in my ass, no homo.
This was 30 minutes prior to the court time.
So, Court came, I plead guilty, and got 30 days, BFD. …Process me so I can get this shit out of my colon.
I get booked and for what seemed like 20 hours, I finally get placed into my cell and shit out my gear, which surprisingly went quite smoothly.
After some serious scrubbing, I sat in my cell with 4 bottles of gear. Holy shit.
So Ed, how the hell did you inject that shit? Well kids, that’s where the magic of the mind comes in.
Before court, I thought and thought about this until I came up with a solution. A standard BIC pen. WTF ED! A bic pen???
Yes kids a Bic Pen.
In this particular county jail, we were allowed to have standard Bic pens. At the commissary, I purchased 3 bic pens and a safety razor. Once back to my cell, removed the ink tube, blew (no homo) the ink into the toilet and hollowed it out. Then I used all available cleaning material to purify my vials, my ink tube and the main pen tube and two erasers from my cell mates pencils. I removed a thin razor from the safety razor and cut the end of the ink tube at a 65 degree angle. This would be my pin. Holy shit ed that’s like a 2 gauge! That’s right kids. No pain no gain.
I then took one eraser and jammed it in to the end of the main bic tube and then cut a tiny hole in the end of it and jammed the newly fashioned plastic bic pin into it. Then I took the other eraser and fashioned a plunger that fit securely inside the pen tube. This would be pushed down by the other half of the ink tube.
Before pinning, I cleaned everything with cleaning supplies, and then soaked everything, vials included in vinegar for 48 hours. Holy shit ed YOU ARE DOING IT!! Yes. I am kids. Yes I am.
Pin day came. I popped the top off my two of my shorty’s and filled the pen tube with half tren, half test, held on to the base of my homemade pin and jammed that bastard into my ass.
Did it pin Ed?
You bet your ass it did.
Did you have pip Ed?
You bet your ass I did.
Did you cycle the entire 30 days?
You bet your ass I did.
Did you run that place?
You bet your ass I did.
Please kids, do not try this at home.
Ell my love, no homo
Ed.

Disclaimer: Ed is not responsible for your asshole ripping open from jamming any sort of gear in your rectum. Furthermore, Ed is not responsible if your ass falls off from jamming a bic pen into it because you are a dumbass.

• How to run a cycle in the Joint

1. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 01: Mexicana Boogaloo
2. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 02: La Mesa
3. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 03: Mi Casa
4. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 04: Trial
5. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 05: Arraigo order
6. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 06: The cycle
7. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 07: El tercer piso
8. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 08: The hole game
9. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 09: The Sancho
10. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 10: Papa
11. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 11: The old man cometh
12. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 12: The Ritual
13. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 13: Achilles
14. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 14: Sympathy
15. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 15: La mano de dios
16. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 16: Brothers
17. How to run a cycle in the joint Volume 2 chapter 17: Jesus Saves