This morning was leg day for me. I have a love hate relationship with leg day. I love the results of good hard leg work but I hate to do it. Once its over I'm happy, but in the process I really hate working legs. With the exception of leg extensions of course.
So I work through my regular routine this morning, I start out with squats. Throw 15 plates on each side of the bar and pump out 6 sets of 50 and throw the bar back onto the rack yelling "YEAH BITCH! WHO's YOUR DADDY!" I move on to leg extensions, then leg curls and then to the dreaded leg press sled. Now the leg press sled to me is the most dangerous machine in the gym. Not for what you might think but because when I'm laying down with my legs up and coinciding with Newton's 8th law that hot air rises-- you bet your ass I have to fart. Like most of you, my intake of protein is insane. Me, I like to have 15 grams of p for ever pound of body weight. This forces me to kill on cow and 123 chickens daily... Sorry, I digress. Back to the farts.
So I'm laying there on the leg press machine, plates stacked to the top. Not sure how much weight, probably close to 4 tons...BFD. I've got Beiber cranked as high as it can go in my headphones screaming "There's gonna be one less lonely girl..One less lonely girl.. One less lonely girl... One less lonely girl".
Adrenalyn flowing and you bet your ass I'm pumped..pumped harder than Tread's weiner pump on date night.
I raise my legs and there it happened. I felt a bubble the size of a basketball start to work it's way from under my lungs, up throught my vascular belly and out my finely toned ass. However being oblivious to the sound of this said fart due to Beiber Fever blasting through my shitty skull candy earbuds, I don't realize that my fart resonated not only through the gym, but served as a wake up call to anyone within a 2 mile radius. Possibly registering on the Richter scale. Unhindered, I pushed the weight up for two reps before I caught wind of this horrible hazardous gas. It smelled like a mixture of Burnt Pumpkin, rotten eggs, and the ass of a female Iranian Fitness model that I used to date. I slowly lowered the weight and thought I better head to the drinking fountain before anyone tags the horrible shit stench to my perfectly formed ass. As I stood up, I realized it was too late as I looked around and no one was lifting weights. They were stopped as if someone had pushed a pause button in heaven with all eyes on me. Two high school kids both had their noses plugged serving the dual purpose of blocking the stench and controlling their laughter. As I scanned the room, I saw that one elderly lady had fainted, two women were crying, and 15 people shook their heads in dissaproval. Because flight was no longer an option, my fight instinct kicked in and I yelled: "WHAT! IS THAT THE FIRST FART YOUVE EVER EXPERIENCED!" Bringing the gym back to life everyone looked away and started back to lifting weights. Me, I decided to call it a day and went home to flex in the mirror.
This leads me to my question:
Do you fart in the gym or do you hold it in? Be honest.