The pocket knife that my dad smuggled into la Mesa was his every day farm use pocket knife. It was a Case double X with three blades. One long skinny pointed blade, a flat medium length clip blade, and a smaller rounded surgical blade.
Case double X knifes get their name from the forging process, after each specific heat treatment they stamp an x. These particular blades receive two heat treatments. Hence the name double x. The high carbon steel sucks at resisting corrosion but keeps a very sharp edge for a decent amount of time. This particular knife had been freshly sharpened and was so sharp that one could shave with all three blades.
From a later discussion with my Dad, I found out that he sharpened the knife the day that he smuggled it in.
As I laid in my carracas, admiring my new toy, shaving little patches of hair on my arm (no homo) I heard some coughing and JD stumbled in and was in some pretty rough shape. He proceeded to tell me that While he was taking a shit an inmate by the name of Felix soccer kicked him across the jaw and then proceeded to beat his ass silly. There was no reason, nothing was stolen, it was just a cheap ass move out of spite because JD was American.
“Damn Ed He was attacked while taking a shit? But that’s cheap as hell”!
You bet your ass it is kids.
As JD told the story, It just didn’t sit right with me.
I knew this Felix prick, he was somewhat popular around the yard as he was a professional soccer player before his incarceration. He was a prick and thought his dick was ten inches longer than it was (no homo). Supposedly, he was up for release in a couple of months and had plans to return to professional sports.
In America, Soccer is really just a sport for queers and women so I wasn’t that impressed with this prick. But this isn’t the case in Mexico. Soccer is life for nearly every prick in there. This made Felix a super hero by default. Even some of the hardest toughest mother effers in La Mesa worshiped this douche bag. I couldn’t figure it out.
At any rate, the soccer kick to my bros face didn’t sit right and Uncle Ed was going to fix it.
Felix had money and he had a decent carracas, even nicer than mine. Unfortunately for Felix, he never really needed to purchase protection due to his celebrity status. Fortunately for me, Felix had didn’t have any protection. This made me incredibly happy.
At 3 am the next morning, I quietly snuck into Casa De Felix where he was sleeping and as planned dropped a massive hammer punch across his jaw. I put all 260 lbs of pissed off white boy into it. He was out cold before he even woke up. I then quickly opened the long skinny blade of my stockman, grabbed that prick by the foot, stuck the blade all the way through the skin behind his Achilles’ tendon and sliced the tendon completely through. I then folded my knife put it in my pocket and quietly slipped out of his carracas. 10 seconds later I heard a yelp followed by the most insane blood curdling scream I had ever heard.
Felix had effectively retired from Soccer.
As I laid peacefully in my carracas, The screams of Felix became a sweet lullaby putting uncle Ed to sleep.
While the prison staff rushed to help their beloved hero, I had sweet dreams of unicorns, rainbows (no homo) and killing big bucks.
As the Grammy Award Winning Artist Ice cube once put it: “Today was a good day”.

To be continued.
all my love, no homo
Ed