posted Sun, 05/20/2012 - 18:16
221107
+ 10 THE RECOVERY LOUNGE!....N/A, A/A, C/A, or any other Anonymous drug program!
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Welcome to the recovery lounge, this is safe place where eroid members can talk about recovery, steroids and recovery, or any other topic! There seems to be many of us here on eroids, there will surely be different fellowships in here and they are all welcome! Other eroid brothers are welcome to come and join the lounge if they would like, its open to the public!
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yes, there always comes self doubt. your an addict, its your life story.
have faith in what you believe, what you do, and what you do to help others. god will take care of the rest. whatever people think is unimportant. if you feel that you are sober, living a life beyond your wildest dreams, and giving back what was so freely given to you, then you are doing it right.
Small world i saw that pit pic on a site showing dogs on roids if i remember right that dog bit his owners face off. It was eith him or a black staforshire pit with its ears pinned back. I know this has nothing to do with anything here just thought it was wierd seening pic again.
Amen. Thanks bro.
Wow this is weird. I'm also in the fellowship, I was kind of wondering how the use of AAS would effect my recovery and I havnt really talked to to many people about it. Especially my sponsor. How do you guys feel about it? I know its not mind or mood altering but I'm the type of person that takes everything I do to an extreme, this is no different.
I've been sober for 3 yrs and started my first cycle about 9 weeks ago. Since then I've been all over this website and other various sites learning and buying all I can. I had kind of the same thing with e-cigarettes a year ago. Yeah there forums and alot on those too. But I finally quit that shit.
But what I'm getting at is does anyone else feel the use of ped's effects their recovery??
Ace VenturaI think it can be a personal thing. The fact that you're questioning it says that you may have an issue with it. I was never an iv drug user but I thought there was no way in hell I could stick a needle in my ass and inject an illegal drug without it feeling like a relapse. There was a guy at this meeting who was a regular, he was obviously on the juice. I used to wonder "wtf is he doing here?". I dunno. Now it's years later, I'm sticking needles in my ass, and the thought of relapse doesn't even cross my mind. Of course I can see aspects of my addictive personality in my steroid use, but part of me doesn't care, the other part is just trying to do it by the book as much as possible.
So true bro im off of drugs and booze now but with respect to injecting gear....when it gets close to my pin day i get restless and cant sit still untill i get that jab in my thigh. I often find myself getting my jabs in a day or two early and i even ended up on a rotating dart schedule i started with mon and fri then sun and thurs. Sat wed. You get the point. We addicts can find anyrhing to get addicted to and i do mean anything. Good post
To be honest I'm kind of the same way. I dont really care to much and I dont think about relapse at all either. But not to sound strange, I think it has made me distance myself my my higher power some. For example its the first thing I think about when I pray and I dont even know what to say about it or if I should apologize for it and be like fuck you Im doing it anyways, so the result is me just wrapping up my prayer in like 10 seconds cause I dont wanna think about it to much.
Sounds weird but thtas what its doing. Maybe I should meditate about it long and hard. Idk
Ace VenturaHaha, I suppose I do the same thing, I've never said it out loud though so I guess I've been able to just deny it or forget about it. I go to church every Sunday and I suppose it has put a little distance between us. I thought about juiceing for so many years before doing it, so I'm basically at peace about it. My only real issue with it morally is the fact that its illegal. Other than that it doesn't really matter.
my sponsor knows i juice. he also juices. its not talked about in recovery but a lot of bros in the rooms juice. some think its a relapse, some dont. but im not gonna front like its not hard to stop a cycle when im supposed to and not extend it. i get a rush out of it.
I figured I'd probably just tell mine after my cycle is over lol. He has made comments like, damn boy you have hardened up some, and random skeptical looks here and there. He aint stupid, but I'm not about to say something yet.
And I figured a bunch of bros in the rooms juice but I'm not that sociable and would probably be the last one anyone would talk about it with. I only have one friend that does it also.
I stood up in front of the whole fellowship and told them that I was on PEDs and my sponsor knows about it so just in case your into taking other peoples inventories now you dont have to wisper, and then i collected my multiple years birthday chip! Its was priceless!
Good shit bro ill be there next month gettin my first bday chip im kinda nervous havent been to group in a long time
lol I'd of loved to have seen that, Thats one reason I dont really talk to many AA's because all the ones my age are gossipy lil fucks, so I stick with the few I know are doin the shit right.
Me too my friend mee too
dont get caught up in the AA drama. its insane. just cuz people talk a good game doesnt mean their still not FUCKING SICK
Right I already know haha. What about AA girls though. Are they ok to date??
Ace VenturaI feel like you're joking. You should know the answer to this.
oh yeah the physco ward is the best place to find healthy women!
Their recovered!
from a temporary drug or drink for the day, if you got to pick one make sure she is in service and has worked all 12 steps, that when she shares she talks about recovery and preferably one that has been in a relationship in recovery and made it out with grace and not showing her ass or relapsing. then go ahead! have at it she will probably tell you to work some steps and then we can talk! :)....messing with those new comers will get someone killed or in jail, be careful that YOUR picker aint broken cause the realities can be life changing!
all my boys fuck with program girls...i stay away. they are so fucking sick. and most of them have tricked and have diseases. i find that "normal" girls are much more sane, and usually think your bad boy turned good image is sexy.
My chick has been sober for like 7 years and she was batshit crazy at first. Somewhere along the way she got sick of being "dry" and got to work with her sponsor.
It's awesome seeing the change that takes place. Now, she goes with the flow and is constantly cracking jokes when I'm acting like a douche.
Girls that actually do the deal are worth fuckin around with if your looking for something long term. imo
Ace VenturaI had a fairly serious, yet short lived relationship with a program girl. It was really more like a 'friend' type of relationship. She had a great sense of humor, was a blast to hang out with, and we humped all the time. (I know, that's real healthy early in recovery) She was a lot of fun but definitely not wife material. Now I'm married to a "normie" and I couldn't be happier. She's never even touched a drug, and the very little drinking she did do, she gave up years ago.
Yes I was mostly joking about the AA girls. I dated a girl that qualified for the rooms one time but it was a disaster. Now I am humpin some girl at work which probably isnt much better cause Im her boss.
But I see ALOT of guys dating AA chicks and I just shake my head.
Ace VenturaThat's a tough one for you, it's obviously bad behavior, but it's still pretty awesome.
I can't speak for you but for me it is not even the same thing. And I was a intravenous drug user.
It has never become anything more than a maintenance drug; like taking a pill for acid reflux.
Thats well put. I guess I really dont even know what it is for me, I also was an IV drug user for some time but I dabbled in everything really.
But I'd like to tell myself its like taking a pecid ac but I know that something in my alcoholic mind is the root of it. I cant really put it into words I guess.
I like your point though.
AnonDude your killing me with the cool answers.
I have to agree with you. Doing AAS isn't even in the same fruit bowl as recreational drugs. I would say that AAS was just the opposite. When I wasn't doing a cycle I would lose site of the goal and slip up a few times. Being on a cycle gave me the willpower to tow the line because I wanted to see just how far I could push myself. I was surrounded by like minded people at the gym and spent my money on healthy food, protein and any vitamin I thought would give me an edge.
Romanbrand+1
and Greg +1
RomanbrandJust found this thread this morning, and I am glad I did. I am addicted to benzo's opiates, and amphetamines, I have been clean for two years (4-28-11). Its nice to be drug and ETOH free, the biggest problem was I got fat and lazy for a while and have been striving to get back into shape lol. Is juice/AAS an addiction? IDK, I have yet to do my first cycle but I think the feeling the of being/feeling in optimum shape/performance along with the needle sticks maybe somewhat addictive.
I get addicted to routines, I dunno if others have the same problem? OCD maybe. Crushing pills and snorting them or whatever the routine was was always just as fun for me. Can anyone relate?
waltrwell i don't know about the needle sticks, i injected my quads this morning after doing legs last night =/
not a whole lot of fun, wasn't pip or anything but i could feel the muscle still being sore when the needle went in.
i used to be an IV dope/pills/coke user and i can relate
RomanbrandIm sure you were addicted to the "routine" just as I was. I feel like I might like it to much lol But Im doing a cycle anyway because Im bullheaded and going to do what I want when I want, its so bad I cant even change my own mind sometimes lol
cbrant10Glad I came a across this too. I was addicted to benzos, opiates, MDMA but my DOC is Oxys. I have been really good without the drugs and been almost a year clean from pills but I am having a hard time with the booze. I don't drink everyday or copious amounts like I used to but I am drinking non the less. Some people call this a relapse and some don't see a problem with it but I just do not want to end up back where I was not too long ago. I am happy with life and got a great internship and about to graduate school so I can't complain there. Just wanted to stop in and say hey and see what you guys might have to say. Thanks.
waltrI know that for me, when I drink it just opens the door right up for me to go get some pills and shoot up...
I tried giving up the pills/dope one time and just drinking and within a couple months I was back getting high again too.
For me, the only way to be clean is to be off of all of it, the alcohol leaves my judgment messed up to question myself just enough to think it might be a good idea to get high, just this once...which turns into everyday, or every opportunity before too long =(
Think of it this way...
The fact that you're drinking at is evidence that you still are on the fence. You have not decided to quit.
As long as you leave one foot in the door, how long will it be before you start thinking, " I've been handling drinking pretty well this last year or so, taking this pill this one time won't hurt." "I've grown, I can handle it."
Been there, done that.
and it didnt work!
You got that right!
the people that dont call this a relapse arent in recovery, if your getting a head change on something then your keeping the disease alive and well. go to some meetings and learn about the disease from people that know what they are talking about, if they say its not a relapse then find some different people to talk to about it.
cbogan1Ive battled with drugs and alcohol for many years, get sober 6months to a year then back at it. Usually opiates, benzos and alcohol. I feel that when Im cycling I start looking good and feeling good then the next thing I know I am out chasing tail and getting loaded. I know its horrible on the liver but good lord is it possible to stop and never have the urge to look back? if so howd you do it? i know alot of the cliches of aa, one day at a time, keep coming back etc. None of that has EVER worked, I got a sponsor, worked through the steps and continually relapse. Anyone know any tricks?
EASYDOESIT
KEEPITSIMPLESTUPID
I worked the steps?
Sounds like you rushed take your time apply spiritual principles in your life...
We don't work them and stop its a continuos process
SeaHawkAs with everything in life there are no secrets. If you want it , you'll find a way. If you dont, you'll find an excuse. You'll stop using at the precise moment you decided to and no sooner.
X2
-hardest part is getting to that moment.
Wow..great page! Im new to this board and recovery..I actually got sober around the same time i became a member. Im starting to get a real good feeling about this site! Like there is a potential famly here. Been using vicodin, buprenex for years to dull the pain and put up with idiots and life in general. At the same time i was isolating myself from the people i care about. One day at a time! Thanks for letting me share!
Hey brothers hope all is good with you dudes. I came in here cuz I felt like I needed to confess my sin. After 4 yrs 7 mos 19 days....I relapsed. I've come clean to my gf, which sucked since she's in recovery too. I feel like I betrayed more than her trust as I used when she was out of town. She's been great but it looks like I was just waiting for her to turn her back so I could make stupid decisions. Ever since I got clean I had avoided all triggers, but then a close friend (basically family) got in a fight with his girl and needed a place to crash, and whether he was using or not I wasn't gonna turn him away. I thought I had my mind in check, but work stress, lonely feelings cuz my gf was gone, and ex wife issues got the best of me. Those aren't excuses just explanations as I know that I am the one in control. I've been on suboxone since I got clean, but it just didn't control my cravings and I decided to skip a dose just so I could get high. Damn I won't make that mistake again. I guess it's time to reset the sober count. Today is my 13th day clean and I'm thankful for that.
RomanbrandJust do get this straight, have you been on Suboxone for four years?
RomanbrandSuboxone is highly addictive and still a controlled substance. Im sure you already know this but if not you should be informed:
http://recoveringaddict.hubpages.com/hub/Is-Buprenorphine-Suboxone-
http://www.altamirarecovery.com/suboxone-abuse/is-it-addictive/
RomanbrandSorry, that was Mr. Doo that said that, good luck with your new recovery but I would get the fuck off that Suboxone ASAP! You will be in recovery from your "recovery" if you stay on that much longer. I never took it when I quit dope but I had friends that were on it and had bad side affects, and when they quit suboxone they relapsed. Get off that shit, if you were sober for 4+ years you CAN do it again! Wish'n you the best brother!
13 days is no joke bro! Thank you for sharing your story - i I'm new to eroids, I'm a recovering addict (dope, done, rock, MDMA and benzos) with just under 2 years clean. I've been on suboxone for 4 years and I can absolutely relate to what you shared. I don't know how many times I deceived, hurt and fucked over my wife (who is most certainly not an addict nor had she really ever known one till she met my puck ass!). It's hard as hell bro! Thankfully last September my wife had enough (I was being a "dry addict") and kicked me out and took me off the lease. This is what it took to wake my ass up - without it I was on my way to a relapse! I moved back in two months ago and got off of disability (I was on for a suicide attempt) and went back to work and know am ready to get strong as fuck again (I haven't lifted in 8 months).
Thanks again bro! It takes balls to take ownership of actions both good and bad! You're not alone brother!
B
start again bro....like said below...it could be worse. you know what you did...correct it and move foward.
waltrit could be waaaaaay worse man, i used to have to do dope every day so i can relate.
you had 4 and a half years before so you already know what to do.
keep on going man, one day at a time