posted Sun, 05/20/2012 - 18:16
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+ 11 THE RECOVERY LOUNGE!....N/A, A/A, C/A, or any other Anonymous drug program!
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I recently had a relapse and I felt so crappy about it the very next day. Currently I'm bouncing and bartending at a local strip club and I'm very fond of one of the girls and I let her talk me into it.. Well she didn't really talk me into it, she offered and I wanted to be like yeah, I'm cool, what of it and I did a few lines. But that was yesterday and today is a new day. I established myself and I explained to her that I'm not interested in the drugs but rather into her and she completely understand and hasn't pushed it in my face since. It takes a strong man to admit when he is wrong, but it takes a stronger man to learn and move forward. I'm thankful to have went through it all before because I know my limitations and theres nothing positive in it... You have to make a choice to live or to just exist. I choice to live.
Man bro you gotta seriously think ab the situation you're getting yourself into with this girl. A recovering addict shouldn't ever get into a relationship with someone in active addiction.
Now would be a good time to ask for the Lord's help bro. Humble yourself and do it.
Oops, that was meant for another dude's comment.
But, a main reason that all 12 Step Programs work, is that they don't tell another what to believe in. They might say you have to believe in something, but it doesn't have to be "The Lord."
We had churches before the inception of 12 Steps (AA); it didn't work for many many many people. That's why the forerunner of AA, The Oxford Groups, failed and is just an obscure movement in history books. The founders of AA are the only reason it's in the history books.
If they all work, why do over 50% continously relapse?
Good question, Bro!
Its because it's a very seriously difficult disease to get free of. It's an actual disease, but it's unusual in that the mind, body, and spirit (if you will), are all afflicted. The mind tells the addict that he isn't an addict, or that this time will be different. The spirit gets so beat down that it says, "Fuck it. Maybe I'll die if I relapse but who cares? My life sucks anyway."
And 50% is huge. Recovery isn't perfect (The recovery rate is actually way less than 50% success rate. But that doesn't account for the 90% percent of relapses who come back and get clean and sober again), but before AA started the whole 12 Step movement, there was no such thing as a recovery rate.
It has really saved my life many times. That's my experience and that can't be debated over.
Thanks for sharing. How would you describe your current state of, if any, addiction?
Being that I like the medical model, I'd describe it as, "in remission." I have ups and downs but I don't experience the mental obsession that can linger or resurface into periods of abstinence. That wasn't always the case in previous periods of sobriety.
A line out of the AA Big Book that describes the change that should take place after having worked the Steps is coming true for me, more and more, "Quite often friends of the newcomer are aware of the difference long before he is himself. He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone." [2nd Appendix - "Spiritual Experience"]
I've largely given up my automatic, life long, inner argument with reality. Stuff just doesn't piss me off so much anymore!
Thanks, Marlin!
Serious? If there is one thing that I've learned, than that there is no god. Just believe in your own strength and your family/friends. Just help yourself, no god will do this!
Your opinion is your right; but it's more easy heard if its delivered better, bro.
Here's the simplest practical definition of addiction: I can't stop.
No matter how badly and sincerely I want to, I can't. If the wife and kids are gonna leave, the doctor says I'll die if I don't stop (or pick up again), or if I'll go back to prison, I atill can't stop. I've never stopped. I've always been stopped. Usually that took handcuffs or a bullet.
Truly, if one can stop the cravings while drinking or using, or stop the mental obsession that can persist or resurface long into abstinence, they aren't truly an addict.
That's more than opinion. It's backed by the AMA which declared that its a real disease in the 1950's, and my own experience.
This has been a topic that always gets me. 6 years into recovery and the God thing avoids me still. been through the steps, been to many churches, celebrate recovery, watch TV God stuff and through it all im like well some of it seems true and some of it seems fake as hell.
Ive watched many people come into recovery and not believe in a God and then get one and really get a good connection, pretty cool to see.
So i wanted that connection myself, tried several times and what it really came down to is I just couldnt even remember to prey, talk to god or anything else.
Some people say that when they talk to themselves in their brain they are debating with their God, and I can relate with that, I do that ALL the time. But I dont really call it God like others do.
the ONLY time I talk to God, or try to atleast, is when there is something going on that is stressful and I have taken all I can of the issue, I just ask him to take the issue from me and give me the outcome that is going to come regardless of how much time I spend thinking about. Or rather what we "call turn it over", I dont do it but maybe once a year if that, but when i do I can relieve some stress and move on.
Certainly I am the kind of guy that believes that my own strength is what moves me into the places I need to be, into most of the situations I get in. But there is also many situations that I have no control over.
Everybody has their own beliefs, I admire those that can draw strength from something that is not seen. And I wish everybody the best they can get, if that means through their God then so be it. let them do their thang! And you do yours! You never know, maybe we just arent ready yet!
A Higher Power doesn't have to be "God," just a spiritual power greater than oneself because addiction is something greater than the addict's desire and unaided efforts.
A "spiritual power" can mean something as simple as having compassion for and care about another alcoholic or addict because I've been there and know the way out. That care--unconditional love--is not a physical or material thing, but its clearly real. I had a sponsor take me thru the steps and it changed everything; now I take other guys thru. Its not about the biblical shit, or church bs for me; its about helping a brother sufferer.
The way your heart is set on helping others out is exactly how God uses you, since he knows what it takes for you to do that and if that means bashing him he still approves.
This comment was in reply to PoundforPound
Damn, I keep replying to the wrong guy!
A rose by any other name...
1 John 4:8
The best three words in the bible
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. That is his opinion and you certainly have yours. No need to jump down someones throat for voicing it.
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Ace VenturaYou're so wise.
Yes, I know.
I have, I've prayed and we prayed together. Through the Lord Christ all things are possible. I will save her bro.
You need to get away from this girl bro. An ex addict can not have a gf that is in active addiction. It's not possible. Look at how well you've done since you quit that shit . Do you really want to risk giving that up? Fuck no run for your life bro.
Remember, existing is the best case scenario for an addict. A lot don't make it out Alive.
X2
Everytime I relapsed it was in a similar scenario.
Hitman187Yea true. Situations like this usually dont turn out well. I've never heard a story like this that had a happy ending. So with that said good luck bro.
dude I really feel like I can get her away from it. We talked tonight and her attitude about it was so strong about how much she hates it now, she quit. I told her I will support her through her recovery and she said I'm such a nice guy, dreamy and romantic that she would literally make the choice to be with me than continue to do what she has been. She literally broke down and cried in my arms about it, to the point I had to carry her to the back and just hold her while she let it all out. She is an amazing women that has a demon cawling her in the back.. I can see the good in her and the potential for a bright future. I am going to fight for her and if she decides that the drug is more important than a real man, that will love and take care of her it will be a choice she will have to live by. I will not fall down that road again, that simple. Yes I made a mistake and I've come to terms with that, however I will not make that mistake again. I'm to disgusted with my action to allow that to be.
she needs to quit on her own, go about your life without her. To many addicts have relapsed and died trying to save someone else. Attraction not promotion!
Bro she's living with me now, IDK how I ended up meeting women and end up living with them within a couple weeks.. It's crazy.. But I can see she's really proud of herself and I'm going to support her. Everyday she says it day number...fill in the blank.. and I can see it her eyes she means it. She made the choice to quite herself. I'm going to continue to support her and if she decides to go back down that road she will have to leave and that's that. Here's a picture of her bro...
A couple weeks. Thats way to fast. Honestly it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Go get you a girl who already has her shit together and never had drug problems. Ive been through trying to help others. But it doesnt work unless they want to help themselves. I was just in a three year relationship and broke it off. We relapses together 10 months back and it was horrible and the drugs lasted for 6months. Just 4 days ago i broke up with her because she wants to use drugs and it gets me going. I cant be around that. Were not good for each other anymore. Life goes on. Shit i love being alone. You gotta be happy with yourself before you can even try to be in a relationship with another. Thats why they say to not get in a relationshiop for a year.
I agree with noid too. It's very risky to loose yourself, while trying to save her....
Are you reading the twelve abd twelve? It helped me a bunch. Pts talking to my sponsor always brought me down to earth. Please be careful. I hope you are attending done 12 step meetings.
Dude the steps never worked for me. I went to jail for almost a year; got sober and said I had enough. I tried the program prior to jail, but it had no effect at all.
So your saying you worked the steps from N/A green and gold step study guide with a sponsor, all 12 of them and wrote out your answers and got nothing? Just based on the conversations ive seen you talk about, the PMs youve sent me when in trouble, this thread, I dont think you could make it past step 4 without saying "fuck me! I cant believe this shit, ive got a shit load of charactor defects"! we all do, stop lying to yourself
Lately, I've becoming more aware of something about myself I never notice until I had this talk with you guys and that meeting I went too. I do have some major character flaws that are potentially dangerous to my recovery and if the right person comes along, I'm sure it wouldn't take much to put me in a downward spiral. Thank you for your insight bro, I'm glad to had taken care of this before it got to bad.. I was laying on the bench at the gym thinking about this and it hit me, it was time to make a choice and stop lying and making excuses about the situation, and I think i did the right thing bro, I let her go...
Noid could you please delete those pictures of her, I really don't want to look at them, it makes my mind wonder.. thank you.
Listen bro...you have to learn to "live life on life's terms" That's some of the hardest to do. And if you haven't gotten a sponsor and worked all the steps. Especially the fourth you may stay abstinent but you'll be miserable. Our you'll stay straight for a while then relapse. Abd it'll be a viscous circle
Thats what i like to hear bro very very smart decision. I cant even be with girls who smoke cigs cause ill go back to smoking let alone opiates.
Ace VenturaThat's because you're too damn stubborn and wanna do everything your way.
It never worked for me because when I did try it, I didn't believe in God, I didn't believe in myself and in my mind at the time, I had no desire whatsoever to ever quit using. So when I ended up in jail and reality sit in, it was a cold wake up call that stuck around. Yeah I been in jail plenty of times prior but never long enough to really get clean and to have the chance to stand back and look at myself. Maybe noid is right, maybe I need to look through it and work the steps just as a safety precaution, but to be completely honest, I don't want to use anymore, it was a simple mistake... I just need to focus my attention on my codependency issues i think.
because your picker is broken, your making unhealthy decisions based on all the wrong reasons. when this goes all bad, work the 12 steps of recovery and youll have your answer!...google search codependency, thats a vicious one many newly recovering addicts suffer from.
Dude I hate not having someone.. I know I could look for girls in better places.. I just seem attracted to the wrong ones bro. I've been doing a little reading on it, seems like I'm trying to replace my addiction with another addiction, which isn't necessarily a drug bro.
Healthy people are attracted to other healthy people. Unhealthy people are attracted to other unhealthy people.
Everyone is saying it: you need to work on yourself and get yourself to a healthier place. The rest will take care if it's self.
Take some confidence in your eroids name.
Don't laugh bro, but I went to a few meetings lately, and they are telling me I'm addicted to sex and codependency. I feel like they're completely correct. I'm going to talk to her and try to come to some sort of answer, we've been doing awesome, no relapse.. everything seems meant to be at this moment.. So should I still bail on her? I feel like If I do, then she'll get depress and start using again. Me I'm fine, I could careless about drugs and alcohol, women are another battle I'm trying to deal with... I'm just confused right at the moment dude.
Why would I laugh at that??? I think that's fantastic! I also think they are on to something. Codependency is definitely part of your makeup.
This is a perfect example of codependency. You're worried about whats going on with her, but not what effects it's having on you.
You HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF FIRST. She's NOT your wife or even a long term girlfriend. Sorry to say, but from what you've described, she's a train wreck and you're along for the destructive ride. Put the time and effort you've put into your lifting, into fixing your life and becoming healthy emotionally. If you don't, you'll repeat this destructive cycle time and time again and will lose everything.
You can do this. Make the hard, but right decisions, to make your life right, not sell yourself short. Again, you can do this. Become a true champion of your mind, body and emotions. A happy, healthy life awaits.
Well I finally did it bro. I explained things to her.. it seems like i broke her heart, but I know theres better women out there... I'm pretty sure shes using right now, but like you guys said I need to focus on myself. It's hard not to think about her, but I keep telling myself its for the best and another women will come along. With the last couple months I've literally went through so much, verge of homelessness, shoulder injury, relapse, my ex coming back into my life, I lost a family member, but it's all coming back together for me.. life seems to be on my side now.. working a second job, got my own place again, finally got my car legal and got a powerlifting comp coming up.. I'm really thankful to be a member here and to have the support you guys are willing to lend. I'm honestly in your debt.
Gotta agree with noid, I've been their and tried to do it myself. It's a road to ruin bro. We both ended back on and fortunately I got my shit back together in a few months but not so for my distant ex. Took her a couple of years, she's probably back on now, I still think about her and miss her but...Fuck that if I'm gonna fuck myself up ever again. Nobody's worth it!
Take it from someone who's older and been through every possible scenario of drug use, cut her loose and don't look back. Save yourself not others!
Not judging you brother. I'm sober today. I have 980 days. My wife just relapsed. She was shy of 2 years. She was trying help a friend who just like this girl your describing. Had all the potential in the world. Sang the same song of I want to get better. But ultimately she didn't. And my wife made a bad choice and relapsed. That girl is now dead from this disease. I've been in the rooms and a believer in the power of Jesus Christ transforming me. I think it's dangerous for you to be so close to active addiction. She needs the rooms,a sponsor,and Jesus. I hope the best for you. And I pray for both of you. No one can get sober for some one else. Eventually it will fail. I got sober for me. And every one in my support group got sober for them selves. I don't want to come off wrong here. I just hope you do what's best for your sobriety. God speed my brother.
So what's the consensus on steroids and the steps? Do steroids get in the way of helping others and communication with a higher power? I'm running first cycle while on suboxone and working a 12 step program.
you should be concerned about the suboxone.
X2
The Step can't work, nor will the obsession to use ever go away for long, unless we're completely abstinent. That's why subs are so bad. Methadone was bad enough because the fear of going thru the industrial strength withdrawals made it impossible without cops stopping me.
AnonNoid you spoke about your years in the gutter and said you had rough dry souls on the foot..was that gout from kidney damage and how did you sort this out apart from getting off the junk..dr..has said my kidney has taken a battering described the symptons leading to gout and I should be drinking water as often as I could..which I do..
no mine was from wearing shoes all the damn time, I only slept like 14 hours everyday 6-7 days, and most of those wasnt by choice so I sometimes fell out with shoes on.