posted Sun, 05/20/2012 - 18:16
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+ 10 THE RECOVERY LOUNGE!....N/A, A/A, C/A, or any other Anonymous drug program!
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Welcome to the recovery lounge, this is safe place where eroid members can talk about recovery, steroids and recovery, or any other topic! There seems to be many of us here on eroids, there will surely be different fellowships in here and they are all welcome! Other eroid brothers are welcome to come and join the lounge if they would like, its open to the public!
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Well done Mate - seeing & living life through sober eyes and putting everything into your training is the best feeling in the world I find
Better than any drug...
When you say clean from the needle do you mean steroids bud?
Yukon_JackTy but no the heroin Needle
jayiskthe needle is an addiction in itself. hope you're able to beat that shit...pure evil
An ominous ritual in itself.
Yukon_JackYour Marty? Lol
If your Doctor prescribed TRT, then IOP is saying they know more than a Doctor. If you are self-medicating then I think your IOP has a valid point. I would follow the experts advice. I get myself into trouble when I ignore professional opinion. Staying clean for me is a lot easier than staying high was. My body went through a lot of changes when I stopped taking dope. I had 3 years clean when I went back to self medicating with Testosterone.
They finally gave in. They wanted to see my numbers before and a letter from my doctor. It’s definitely prescribed. I never wanted to trt. I was mid cycle and got arrested for 1 dbol pill. I had a parole hold and sat 5 months. No pct. I tried like hell when I got home to recover, but I couldn’t get it right. I came home January 29 and finally gave in to trt 9 days ago. Stuck with some gyno too from no pct.
Man this shit is so much er harder than I ever thought at 63 days. Anyway l...
My IOP said I can’t take testosterone for trt...which I started this Wednesday. I really want to complete my IOP which = Intensive out patient. So I have to decide.
Unless there's a doctor involved, it's not TRT
It’s doctor prescribed. It’s just my history. I was arrested for juice, and they say it’s just like any other narcotic. Easy to say when you don’t have a 195 test level. But after a lot of paperwork from my doctor they allowed it.
KingsolverJust thought I'd check in and share that I'm 2months clean from opiates. I know it's only 2 months but that's a milestone for me. I only last a few days normally. It's amazing how everything feels so much more intense when your sober. Food and sex is amazing my libido is like when I was a teen haha.
Just wanted to thank you guys for your inspirational comments and supportive comments. One day at time I'm on the right to for once.
You tackled the monster getting in seven days bud. Congrats
Good going bro from an old old addict
He hasn't been on here in over a month now which is very unlike him, hope everything is alright.
Awesome & congratulations bro!!!
Good job bro.
That's really great to hear mate - Well done
All that matters is that you make it through every day clean, the present is all that counts and in time that will turn into 6 month blocks and then years. Just remember that some days will feel brilliant and some days will be tough - But they will never be as tough as your darkest days in addiction. The main thing to get on top of is your triggers, anything that makes you think of using again remove them or stay away from them. Feeling the intensity of the great things in life such as training and nice food instead of feeling numb and down feels awesome doesn't it :-) You stick at it man.
10 years yesterday....
No SHIT??? Way to go!!
Hell yea!!!!!
Hell yeah that's outstanding
That’s awesome man! Congratulations!!
Congratulations~! Thank you for being my Eroids friend, and starting this thread. You are an awesome inspiration here.
Congrats!
Congratulations brother.
Thanks Guys appreciate the words....
Well 7 months down the drain , my wife got prescribed to my doc and thought I was strong enough to be around them and I failed . Bad thing is I'm on 10years paper and got a p.i. on top of it ..I'm kinda loosing it right now not knowing if this is going to cost me my Freedom. My wife knows but haven't really told anyone else and had to get this off my chest .
Well, backing it up isnt gonna change things but might help with understanding. It sounds like both you and your wife let the disease in. At least if you are following program and not white knuckling this process.
Did you both TELL the doctor your recovering addicts and this was your drug of choice? Did you ask for anything else such as non-narcotive pain killers?
WHY was your wife prescribed Xanax?
WHO was in charge of these pills? Certainly you have a relative or friend that could hold them and give them as needed?
Did you BOTH tell your sponsors? Talk about it at meeting level? mingle with longterm recovering addicts after the meeting and ask what to do?
Did you call anybody and tell them?
Things to consider
Very few addicts recover, I dont know of any that are gonna make it in an environment where their drug of choice is readily available. Even my Dumb ass threw away 18 months after discharging parole by trying to hold onto someone elses dope while they figured a situation out. lasted about 2 days and 8 years later I was back for this current clean time.
The most important thing right now is your not using and at least have the ability to make a couple good decisions.
If your not in a recovery program I would be on google trying to find some meetings because this disease will dupe you over and over again if you dont understand it. The situation you just experienced is talked about in depth many times over because it happens all the damn time. Your not alone that for sure. GET TO A MEETING, OR 3 A DAY IF YOU CAN.
if you dont got a sponsor I would get one immediately....
I would buy or get a blue book and start reading it....the first 107 pages I believe it is
if your wife is still using I would find another place to stay, or have her find another place.
youll need to figure out something with your daughter, hopefully a relative or someone can help.
Once I done all that, very quickly! like TODAY quickly!!!...I would than go speak to my PO or whoever is in charge of your case and tell them you done all this. That you have dissected your situation and see where the problem started and how it got out of hand. That it was completely your fault and you now see you need more help than just yourself. That you have reached out to a program and started reading the literature and asked someone to be your sponsor. That you have a phone list of people from that meeting that you can call and WILL call REGULARLY to help you understand this disease. That you are starting the steps of the program. That you have found a safe place to stay while you figure out your living situation in a healthier environment. THAT YOUR WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES, YOUR FREEDOM MEANS SOMETHING TO YOU.
If that dont work, I would then ask to be put in a drug treatment program.
You do that and your chances of staying out will be greatly increased but nothing is for certain.
Damn I needed to hear this I am looking for a sponsor it's a requirement also of my probation now and at least 3 meetings a week.i have explained the whole situation to my PO she seems to be understanding I was supposed to get off the program. Next week where I have to call in everyday to possibly have a piss test but I requested that I stay on it..I have to wait to hear back from my original country that i committed the original offense in because I'm doing my reporting in the count that I live ..she said she told them everything I told her and it's just a wait and see thing now ..I'll be going to a meeting at 12 today on my lunch break ..I do work 10 to 12 he days so inpatient isn't a possibility but I am going to do whatever it takes to stay sober this time ..this all happened Monday ..my wife is doing an outpatient rehab everyday from 9 am to 5 pm so she is on the right track..also no she didn't tell the Dr she's an addict but he knows now..I told her she will have to choose between me staying g or her ever bringing narcotics in our house.e because your right I can not even be around them ..I was the one holding them for her and it went well for the first week but then all that happened and Bam I failed ... I am very serious about my recovery and I want sobriety more than anything ..I had my life going great for the first time I'n a really long time and I'll do whatever it takes to maintain this life I've created .. thank u for all the advice oh and one last thing she told me last night that I may end up having to choose between and my Suboxone because she believes is not right for me to be on them that it's just another drug even know that imo it's the best thing that could have happened for me in a long time I e do e nothing but gone up since I've started that program except for this one recent fail. I'm not sure how to respond to her in that
how would you feel if you got completely clean and she had a marijuana script and smoked?
How long did you last when you saw her get loaded?
The point she is making is that she feels like you are still getting loaded. And yes it probably feels like your cheating and she is not. Which can be a trigger for her.
She has a valid point. and whether you, me, or anybody else views it that way she will likely hold that over your head if you try to put your foot down and set boundaries.
Im a meth addict, dont know nothing about subs other than what i hear and read.
if its possible to get off them I would certainly be trying.
When you say you are a meth addict do you mean you are still using at the moment or is that all in the past now?
I haven't touched drugs and alcohol since Sept 19, 2008...
Nice one mate! Good sobriety
You sound like you attended some AA meetings like myself did you? 10 years coming up for you..
Yes I did. N/A for me but programs both work off of 12 steps. Yep, B-day is coming up soon...
Hi buddy - What does that mean when you say your wife got prescribed to your doc and you failed?
I have always been addicted to Xanax and pain pills well I've been off them both for 7 months I did get on the Suboxone program so some consider that as not being clean but it's my program and it's helped me more than anything ..my wife got prescribed Xanax and she knew my problem with them but I told her I think I can be around them and be ok ..well that didn't work out as planned ..she's an addict her self and after a few days she started popping them like crazy and got completely trashed on. Them the other night and decided she wanted to end her life and took a while hand full ..I called the ambulance after she passed out and they took her to the hospital ..I stayed home due to our daughter being asleep in her room and I didn't want to let her know what was going on .it was about 4 am .she left some in her bottle and in the morning I got up and brought my daughter to her grandmother's I then took the xanax and blacked out and the next thing I remember was waking up in jail .
I'm guessing pill addiction is basically the same as alcoholism in that once you are clean yourself its a very bad idea to be around other people using them once you are clean yourself, especially if its someone you are living with. I sufferred from alcoholism and once I was sober several years ago, about an hour was all I could manage being around people drinking before it was making me feel thirsty and wanting to join in with them also. There are no half measures with dealing with addiction - you cannot be around anyone using themselves or think you are strong enough to be around the substances that cause you problems for any extended periods of time without them causing you some kind of problems or temptations. Its very good that you were still there for your daughter despite what happened - to me the doctor is at fault here for prescribing strong sedatives in the first place to someone who already has addiction problems so DON'T blame yourself for any of it buddy
Keep at it with your training and everything will work out in the end I garauntee it..
Thanks press I'm going to try something I've never tried and get a sponsor this time .
Just remember buddy that sponsor isn't gonna stop you during that split moment descision to take another tablet during your time of stress or depression - that is purely down to you being strong with yourself and not allowing it to happen. You have to want to be sober so bad man - more than anything else in life! NOT for anyone else or for any threats that someone will leave you. You need a deterant so big that simply giving in means you cannot bear to wake up the next day and live with yourself for what you have done as you feel you have let yourelf down that much. Something such as if you give in it means you can't see your daughter Ever again, it has to mean that much to you. Don't just think a sponsor is a magic touch - it is down to you and how bad you want it. I only say this from experience as I did it without a sponsor, everyone else I knew used one and they ALL relapsed within 1 to 12 months and they all told me I would fail without one!! Be strong mate..:))
Thanks Eroids community, & this Recovery thread. What??? Yes, I am celebrating 10 years this week. Yes, Sir~! Damn, some Old fart gets a decade Clean & Serene. Caring & sharing the NA way. I have never regretted following the suggestions in the literature; 90 meetings in 90 days, Sponsorship, & Service. You can do it too. I believe in you. BTW, told my Doc this week I'm going off not legal roids. Test my Test level late September. Doc suggests I chill and eat some CBD. Open to suggestion. Thanks for reading this.
Congrats brother. Sept 19th 2008....Couldnt agree more....
Go to TRT forum. I have no knowledge of CBD and test but I did come off before and it worked however I wanted more sex drive so went back on. I do have a thread in that forum and the dosing I used. Believe i used HMG and HCG. Honestly couldnt even tell I came off EXCEPT for sex drive and when summer hit and I was working 12 hour days I would get tired. Truth be told I havce been on TRT now for a few more years and I feel like it doesnt really do much for me. Like I might as well just come off and try it again.
KingsolverI've been having the same dance with opiates. Im determined to get off them for good this time. Starting monday. I tried cold turkey the other week was the worst week of my life bed was drenched in sweat, aches and pains like you wouldnt believe. So the doc has gave me Bnephorhine patches i think its essentially subutex but so im going to try them. My downfall is the sickness when you come off them. If i can keep the pain away i know ill not want to use pills. I know its kinda replacing one drug for another but im not planing on doing this long term im going to wean each week. the patches dont get you high they just stop you getting high. Its goiong on so long now im just sick and tried of being sick and tired and planning everyday around taking pills. I will keep everyone updated as to how i get on. Im welcoming any cirticism from guys on her i just want to be clean so badly if i keep going i dunno where my life will end up. Ive got a good missus who is gonna support me no matter what i do .
The swaeats are horrendous and the smell of the sweat omfg its putrid, Make me feel so dirty i just want it all to go away. Im scared also as i dont want to lose my child who i have full custody of. Dont get me wrong but i havent ever put my child in danger or made her go without so i can get high i just want to be a normal human being again before i went down the path i chose.
After being clean for a little while I took on a lot of hospitals and institution positions with Narcotics Anonymous. Was a lot of heartbreaking stories, not so much the story itself, but listening to the addict squeeze through the disease and say some words of disgust and the power to beat it.
Knowing that the disease wants you to be alone, wants you to do this by yourself, wants you to feel empowered. So it can work on you, break you down piece by piece, until mentally it convinces you to use again.
And then the addict begins to fall into a vicious cycle of feeling like shit about ones self, weaker and less confident each time. until they simply give up and fully succumb.
Dont get me wrong, there is those that find the willpower to overcome the disease. I did it in 2000 while successfully discharging parole. I was never going to use again NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT!....But I still went out to the club and had a drink once in a while. Cause that was legal.
I used again, didnt get clean till 2008...
This disease, whether others agree with me or not its what I chose to call it, will kill you. It is completely Fkn mind-boggling. By one's self your chances of remaining clean for LONG TERM recovery are extremely low.
Im not saying this to make you feel bad. Trust me it warms my heart to see guys pull themselves away and get their lives back. The shit I do these days you probably wouldnt believe. and I wish these same dreams on everybody.
But it doesnt come from just saying I quit. It doesnt come by actually quitting either! It comes from working a strong recovery program, working the steps and learning about oneself, and finding a new way to live, think, treat people, deal with situations. On and On the list of things that are there for an addict to learn are endless. I still learn all the time, and still laugh when the disease creeps in with some shitty thinking.
Truth is MOST normal people could really benefit from working a program of recovery....
Brother find a program of recovery close to you. Narcotics Anonymous or AA if thats what floats your boat. Work that program for a year the SAME WAY you hustled that dope. Spend as much time thinking about the program, the steps, as you did about that dope. Get into service and out of yourself by helping others.
All I can say is when I did that I felt like a moran! Im not kidding. I learned so much about myself and was completely humiliated time and time again that I had lived with myself for at that time 35 years and didnt understand shit about myself. And most of the addicts I know that have achieved long-term recovery say the same things about the process of healing.
Do not mistake your misses as being there no matter what, they get tired of the same ole shit and leave. ESPECIALLY if someone comes in and tells them they are enabling your addiction.
I say all this with love, no sugar coating on it though.
Good Luck to you my friend! I hope you find the kind of life I have....
Roidnoid, thanks for sharing your experience, strength, and hope here. You are very helpful. I have a life today, thanks to living Recovery the NA way. I chase my Recovery, like I chased the dope. I do 6 things on a regular basis, because most importantly; they work = Steps, Sponsorship, Service, Meeting attendance, Prayer & Meditation, read Recovery literature like a daily meditation. I'm not perfect, but I am willing to grow along Spiritual lines. I make mistakes, & I'm deeply hurt by my own bad choices, and experience pain because people I care about didn't stay= some died, some use, & some just don't like me. I don't have to use over it today. My pain helps me experience gratitude like I never had before NA. Thanks for reading this.
If you are working a program like that my brother things are going to get so much better. Thats a very good program and as the blue book says all addics will recover at their own pace. For me I realized that that pace is largely dependant on the work put into our recovery so I too dove in as fast and deep as I could.
Im coming up on a birthday next month, last sept I celebrated 9 years. AT this point in my recovery I dont do a lot of meetings, mainly just some maintenance here and there unless something comes up I know where to go and what to do. No problem being humble.
In this short time I went from having no skills to owning two businesses. from selling my belongings to pay bills to well into 6 digit income.
I truely had no idea that NA meetings, Service, Chairing, driving an hour in each direction to find B-night speakers, talking to addicts in jail/hospitals/recovery homes, Spirituality, and so much more, was preparing me for such a bright future. But it did Brother!
I fully trust in the program and what itll do for a person WHEN THEY FULLY APPLY THEMSELVES.....That means they accept the entire process of being uncomfortable and walk through it over and over again...CLEAN....
Super stoked to see your post Brother, I fully believe you continue that path you will have long-term recovery and much more...
Roid Noid I couldn’t agree with you more! Especially this part;
Truth is MOST normal people could really benefit from working a program of recovery....
For me I work the twelve steps of NA everyday. I apply them to all areas of my life and it without question has made me a better human being. I thank god evrydsy for letting me find NA, and although it didn’t stick 20 years ago I am coming up on two years clean and sober. Just keep stacking 24’s stay humble stay grateful. And don’t pick up NO MATTER WHAT!!!
It truly is funny, the more program you learn the more you realize people are all kinds of fucked up...lol....for real....
Since I started on the Suboxone program my whole world has changed .. I have held down a job and actually moved up the ladder going on 2 years now and that was impossyfor me to do in my pill addiction..I do not care anymore if someone does not approve of switching from one drug to Suboxone .. it saved my life. So if that's what it takes for u then do it. You are definitely not alone in this . I will get off the Suboxone one day but right now I can't say when and I'm honestly scared to death knowing that that day will come ...
Im in the same boat exept i take subutex. Had my doc switch me because the strips ( suboxone)were so damn expensive as i do not have insurance... even tho i am now dependant on this drug i have held down fulltime work and am a father to 4 kids and have an amazingly supportive wife that I could not do with out. I look at the positive side. While takin subs i dont worry about using. Everynow and then ill get a trigger but when i think about how that will end up( play the tape all the way thru) its enough to deter me.. i couldnt put together 2 weeks clean on my own an now i have a year.... i have high blood pressure issues but im in no hurry to stop taking my meds for that because there is a huge benifit. Same witg the subs exept the benefits are priceless.. i have my life back.