posted Sun, 05/20/2012 - 18:16
221146
+ 10 THE RECOVERY LOUNGE!....N/A, A/A, C/A, or any other Anonymous drug program!
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Welcome to the recovery lounge, this is safe place where eroid members can talk about recovery, steroids and recovery, or any other topic! There seems to be many of us here on eroids, there will surely be different fellowships in here and they are all welcome! Other eroid brothers are welcome to come and join the lounge if they would like, its open to the public!
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Bro benzos were the hardest detox i had lasted 20 plus days....i thought i had the worst anxiety ever but once i got off and stayed clean i relized it wasnt that bad...the pill create most of the anxiety when u dont take um on time or enough thats why its best to get off them completly !!!! Thier are other NON NARCOTIC pills that work just as good. They key is to get to the root of the evil..why you are anxious idk if your an addict but the steps and the program helped alot with that and keep helping with it! Becaful bc i have had siezures multiple times when i was abusing them so ask your doc about other alternatives and see if he can get you on a taper that will get you off of them bc they are bad news!
Hope this helped
X2 it took me more than 4 months to start feeling a little more clear headed. Im 1 yr clean on the 13th and im on a NON-NARCOTIC anxiety med called buspar and it helps alot without the euphoric side effects, not to mention they are non addictive
Hey TP,
Mate Ive suffered anxiety and panic attacks since i was 13yo. Back then we didnt know what it was when I felt sick, had a pounding heart etc. I was walking around worried sick most of the time but the doctors didnt realise it was an anxiety disorder.
I ended up with cameras getting shoved down my throat and having my gut examined as they thought I had stomach issues. When all came back clear I was told it was growing pains and to move on... 2 years (now in my 30's) ago I saw my first psychologist and was diagnosed with panic, general and social anxiety disorder. He put me on xanax and pristique.
Before i knew the seriousness of it I tried giving up xanax cold turkey. Hardly left my room or ate due to the anxiety/depression. I was feeling suicidal at day 7 when I finally dropped a couple of bars.
Tapering its going to be, that i can handle.
20+ months completely clean/sober... oxy was my poison ! Life is 100% better when your in control
now thats what the fuck is up bro! its good to hear the completely part especially, so many guys i see talk about being clean just because they gave up their drug of choice but nothing else. ive been active as hell in NA for just about 3 years 8 months (clean date is june 15th 2009), and am not confused in that for me and anyone else like me, complete abstinence is the ONLY path to true happiness and freedom in life. gear has def been a slippery slope for me though to say the least, pinning had become a rush and now that im off i think about cutting time off down more and more. lots of ppl in the prgrm know i was cycling (tell one person and they tell 2 who in turn tell 2 more etc) and im sure consider it a relapse, but i dont agree with that obvi and feircely defend my clean time when its challenged (it started to piss me off ppl would speak on smthng they knew nothng about). anyways, keep it up bro and im happy as hell to have found this topic
breakingfaceNice to actually have cash to enjoy life too
yeah dude... saving lots of money. By me its a dollar a mg ! oxy WAS no cheap habbit
breakingfaceJust found this thread. Im about 4 years off opiates (oxy) and a year off of drinking.
My drug use and drinking stemmed from childhood trauma. I came from the perfect family, father successful business man and mother successful stay at home mom. My childhood was marked with unexplained sadness, anxiety, and rage. It was not until I was in college that my mind began revealing memories from my past. Ill spare everyone the details, but I spent 2 summer at an all boy sleep away camp, with adult"councilors" from all around the world. Feel free to use your imagination to imagine the worst possible predatory scenario and you'll understand.
The memories came back in waves and it wasn't long before I realized that painkillers were an effective way of suppressing them and/or protecting me from their full impact. My spare time was now spent obtaining or doing the drugs rather than dealing with my mental state.
The classic story of self destruction. Arrests, bizarre and embarrassing behavior, kicked out of school, family witnessing me high.
One day I applied for a job working with kids. It was a long shot, but I got it. In retrospect I believe it was divine intervention. The job became my reason to treat myself better. The smiles soon replaced my need for drugs. The long hours and responsibility for the kids left me no time to worry about my own pain. Eventually I was able to get an apt, stop drugs all together, get fit, rebuild my relationships, and more on to the next step in life. Drinking was never a huge issue for me, but quitting it was part of the new me.
Pubic Information, Hospitals and Institutions, and Area Service Elections today! Its gonna be a long day!
holy shit noid i had NO idea you were active like this in the program! damn dude, thats really cool man and i thought i was like, the only member on here that was not only a member, but a trusted servant to several meetings one position being the gsr and therefore attending area meetings monthly. i have a lot of questions regardng other members outlook towards you on what we do, can i pm you? i know you're busy as hell and a mod, just lemme know
yes you can PM me
LOL, sometimes all the ego's and personalities at area get to me. Being a GSR I've got to be present to represent the group, but it can be 4+ hours and that get's pretty tiring after my 9-5, workout routine!
my disease held me hostage 24-7-365 days a year if my active recovery holds me hostage for 6 hours 1 day out of every month its a fair trade...without service work none of us would have a meeting place to get recovery, I dont worry about ego's brother, check that bitch in at the door and do my part, lead by example. thank you for being of service!
ive been sober for 7 years now. really started focusing on my body (getting bigger/healthier) the past 3/4 years. i have yet to do a cycle (spent the last 4 months researching). ive talked with my sponcer about it and hes clueless. so maybe you can help me. are aas addicting? if i do a cycle is that a relapse? opiates and alcohol were my demonds. ive been freed from that life and i dont want to jeoperdise loosing what i have today. thanks bro.
Well said, the importance of service to others is often understated. My entire purpose is to place myself in a position to be of maximum service to God and to my fellows (in and outside the rooms). This takes practice though...
haha Man. I honestly haven't done area stuff. I just hit 18 months been in my area about 4 years or so. I just took up the coffee commitment again, I've done all the group ones at multiple meetings. I really need to stay more involved. I have the general condition of addiction obviously. I'm hitting a new emotional bottom lately. I'm glad I'm not using, but damn sometimes feelings suck. I live in a small area so our area can be done in an hour on a good day, maybe an hour and a half. It does start at 9:30 on a friday. Glad to see others are around.
Thought I might see a thread involving "my people " Hope everyone is having a good day.
happy new new year to all !
Hope everyone here made it through the holidays. X-mas and New Years are relapse central so everyone hang in tight and remember what got us here in the first place, shit doesn't happen on accident. Everyone take care.
Opiate addict here! 2 years sober! This is long but I hope you read and get a sense of who I am, and how I fought my way out of the abyss.
I lost my mother suddenly at the young age of 54 about 6 years ago. My mother had always battled health issues, had cancer, heart surgery, back problems but she was a fighter and always seemed to beat the odds. I had been married for less than a year, my sister had recently had kids. Despite everything she was dealing with, she had been the happiest I had ever seen her. These were here glory years. My father was close to retirement, they had plans of traveling and I ultimately could not wait for my mother to hold my child for the first time. Yes I'm a guy but with strong emotions and I have always loved kids and loved the thought of my mother watching my kids grow just like the way my grandmother watched me grow. I was lucky to have great grandparents. Anyway..
I got a call one day at work from my aunt. My mother, because of her health was very unstable on her feet. If she lost her balance, it was hard for her to regain it. Well, she stumbled in the bedroom, fell and hit her head. My father who worked at home immediately ran to the bed room and helped my mom up. She quickly started complaining of severe headaches. My dad rushed her to the hospital (he took no chances with her). Evidently she had some pretty serious brain trauma/swelling/bleeding. She was med flighted to a top notch hospital where the doctors basically were not even going to operate, she had no only a minor sign of brain function but they decided to do the surgery anyway. My mother being a fighter, she survived the surgery, she was in a coma for weeks. She was on a ventilator. Things never looked good but I never lost hope. I just assumed (more hope than anything) she would bounce back like she always did.
This part kills me because to this day, people in my family seem like they don't believe me but I am 100% certain of this and it makes me realize although she was in coma, she absolutely knew what was going on. My mother had major motion sickness, she hated bouncing feelings and such. Well, I was in the room with her, the bed had a feature that it basically shook so that it could stimulate blood flowing and such. I was holdng my mothers hand, all of a sudden she squeezed my hand hard. I almost shit my pants. Just to see what she would do, if it was just a reaction, I tried to pull my hand away and she squeezed tighter. At that moment, I knew she was alert, she just didn't have the ability to express it. That was the only sign of brain function anyone had seen. The nurses made nothing of it, they said it happens but I knew my mother, she was in misery.
So, after weeks, they took her off the ventilator, she began breathing on her own which was amazing. Seemed liked she was progressing. We were told they would move her into another section of the hospital and out of critical care after they gauge how she does on the ventilator for a week or so. The very next day my dad calls and said they were moving her to a rehab hospital. In her transport, she went into cardiac arrest and died before she even made it. She had a pulminary embolism from what we're told. That was very hard to accept. In my eyes, right or wrong, the doctors (or maybe insurance) rushed her out of the hospital, she hated motion, after what I saw on the shaking bed, I am positive my mother was going crazy in the ambulance ride and couldn't handle it. It's a 30 minute drive, she couldn't handle 2 minutes on the bed. I was just completely devestated. I was lost..I didn't know who I was. So, pain killers were no stranger to me, I used them for pain many times, I used them recreationally but always had control..
Not any more. Pain killers took away my emotional pain, I started taking them around the clock, I found ways to get them, luckily I still had a job and was spending obsurd money to fund the habit. This went on for a couple years until I decided enough was enough. I couldn't do it anymore. I was destroying my life. Somehow I still managed to carry on my life and stopped before it was too late. I saw a doc and was put on suboxone. I stayed on it for 2 years. For basically the entire 2nd year I was on the smallest dose possible , it was a bitch to try and drop off. During that last year, my wife was pregnant and i had been mentally preparing myself to get off the sub. My daughter was born and 2 months later I decided the time was right. I told my doc, lets do it. So, I did it. My wife agreed to do whatever it took with the baby and I would basically do what I could but didn't feel pressure. The first few days were a breeze due to the half life of sub. Then it became pure hell. I basically had to sedate myself with seroquel all day and night, it was torture, even coming off the small dose. This carried on for a week. Each day I started to go longer and longer without sedating myself. I finally returned to work after a perfectly timed vacation/holiday spread. Nobody at work had a clue. Months went by, I was in a fog..just felt "blah". I was depressed off and on but I slowly started feeling myself returning. It took a good full year to feel myself again but it gave me the time to grieve and finally accept what happened. I have been able to put it behind me and move forward. I'm in the best shape since I was in my early 20's. I feel great and am addicted to the gym and feeling good about myself without opiates. I still miss my mom greatly but I certainly don't miss opiates. I think I was more physically dependant than anything, everytime I felt withdrawals, I popped another one. That was the only thing keeping me on them.
I am lucky enough to have a strong mind. I did this on my own, with the help of sub and a supporting wife. The only other person that knew was my father. It was a long road but one that has made me so much stronger mentally. I use to feel like I couldn't handle hard times but now, if I can survive that, I can't survive anything! Pain is only temporary, NoPain = No gain!
ray3801Great post brother!! Been on the Subs for 4 or 5 years now....matter of fact that's what ultimately led me to this site once I realized it was f'n with my Test levels. I applaud you on you accomplishment! I've tried many times to kick the subs but just can't seem to do it. Getting enough time off of work being the main problem......too many people depend on my paycheck. I truely know the he'll you endured kicking them and I think that's great!!! Good luck to you bro
Congrats on the two years man. Fuckin A, it is a long road you're right about that, and a rough one at times, one that I've detoured a few times but it's far better than where I see people end up that don't stick on it.
Thanks! Detours are a part of life but the most important thing is to find your way back to the main road as fast as possible. Like you said, some people detour and get more lost than they were before. Just like the gym and feeling good, sobriety is a lifestyle you need to adapt to and work at maintaining. For me, it even made me look at how my friends were, what situations I was putting myself in and change those things to make sure any temptation was removed from my life.
I will say, my wife has had pain killers in the house and even when I f'd up my back really bad, couldn't walk for a week. Had foot drop, the whole 9 yards. I had no desire to take a pain killer. That was a defining moment for me. No suboxone, no nothing. Just advil. The key thing is you still can't let your gaurd down because sooner or later, the demon (in my case, blue demon) will appear when you're least expecting it and you need to be strong to resist it!
merryxmas boyz and grrrls
Well no shit, I was surprised to find this here. Bored at work and on the computer, and decided to type in "AA NA" in the search engine on the site and lo and behold, a entire section just for crazy cats like myself. Attempting this for the past 2 1/2 years, and just got a little over 6 months this time around. Not my longest stretch, but qualitatively its been hands down my best and most honest one. Very cool to find this on Eroids (now can someone sign my meeting slip I'm a little short this week lol).
been involved with NA for years now....but have taking it more seriously this past year.....very cool of you ROID to put this on here......most ppl in NA probably would consider AAS 'using' but I don't....it doesn't seem to work on the same brain area as addictive narcotics do, atleast for me......matter of fact AAS does a great job of steering me clear from using anything else because when im on cycle im so determined to eat right, train right, sleep right and all that focus and drive I have does a really good job at keeping my mind out the gutter.....anyway, im sure someone already said something similar I just didn't feel like scrolling thru the entire thread lol....will read it all later tho.......much love fellow addicts
I hear ya man, working out is an awesome supplementary tool to help stay on track. Ran the issue of AAS past the sponsor (not that it would've changed my mind on using them lol), and he reminded me about what they say regarding "mind altering substances" which AAS are not. This guy is a personal trainer/former crackhead and has never used roids himself, so he takes a very objective standpoint on the issue: Not mind-altering, and if anything promote a lifestyle which requires more emphasis on health than that of your average person. I agree. Definitely doesn't make me immune, ran my first cycle early this year and relapsed right in the middle of it. Drinking all day, not eating, and ceasing to work out was a fast fuckin way to lose all gains and then some! And all the leftover IM needles I had were useless for shooting heroin lol. Glad to be back on this side of the tracks, everyone take care.
its all good brother welcome
Welcome bro.
was addicted to opiates for years got pretty bad ruined all my relationships in my life so i got off and have been on methadone for 7 years, i kinda wish i never went on is because it is harder to get off then the pills but i couldnt do it at that time. I have started talking hgh 2ius a day and am going to continue for the next 6 months as i am going to make a attempt to come off the methadone in 2 months from now and i could use all the help i can get so i though the gh would help a little just feeling better more energy and better sleeps
Good luck brother. I have a very similar story. I was addicted to Oxicontin. The docs at the rehab didn't believe me when I told them I chewed up 5 80mg oxi's at a time. I ended up on 200mg of methadone a day. WAAAAY too much. I was still getting lit. Taking benzos with it. I was a mess. Ended up incarcerated and had to walk off all that Jim Jones juice in prison. Let me tell you, it is NOT the place to be sick for months. I didn't sleep for 6 months. Was full of anxiety. Had no appetite at all. the squirts lasted a long time. Bones hurt. Horrible experience. I am 10 years clean. I don't drink, no drugs, no nothing. I won't even take motrin unless I absolutely have to. I get into the habit of throwing pills in my mouth for every little thing. It's part of the ritual. The methadone, it won't be easy. But they can make it a little easier if they taper u correctly. 2 years in jail humbled me. I'll never look back. I wish you the best. Keep your focus. Stay strong and steadfast! It's 95% mental brother! The little bit of discomfort when detoxing is bearable if you really want this. Hit me up anytime you need anything! Again, best of luck! Merry Christmas
thanks bro means alot
Let us know how that goes for you, especially with the hgh. That's an interesting game plan you have. I was on methadone for a few years, and came off of it successfully. It's not easy, but in the end it is worthwhile. Stick it out, go to a lot of meetings and get involved, and avoid those people, places, and things. You will feel better after time, and the longer you are separated from the opiates, the better you will feel. I'm coming up on 4 years off of that shit, and things are still getting better. I kicked from Methadone for a solid month. It was not pleasant, but neither was my life on it. It was a great sacrifice, and the best thing I have ever done for myself. Now my life is worth living, and I am a happy person. You can do it too, I don't even know you, but I do know that much. Hit me up if you ever need any support or what not, I got you back.
thanks bro
Methadone is prolonging the inevidable the longer u stay on it the harder it will be. start a very modest taper right away (espcially bc u been on it 7 years) and get off it ! Its not doing you any good methadone is just the same as opiates imo and i know its easier said then done bc that shit gets in your bones and shit and is a hard detox but in a year from now u will b so much better off .
no little apple area in the house
just a what up boyzzzz and grrrlzzz.....liven'the dream clean!!!! (well the juice is loose..what the hell!!!!!!!) hope alls well with you all!
lol
Good to see this on here! Been fighting addiction for 15 years and have over 1 year sober. Gear is becoming huge around the rooms in my area, it was always frowned upon now people are more accepting of it. I dont particularly use gear anymore I take H & IGF1 for my back since I cant take pains that lead me to other things. Keep this post going and show some support!
Been sober since 7/20/11. Stoked I just found this thread!
Congrats man, that's awesome, keep it up!
Thanks bro
bigzigzagI'm at a year early Feb! Great Job bro. A lot of boring week ends but it's all good. Have you found a sober community yet?
Ya man I'm down here in Newport beach/Costa mesa. There's a huge sober community! No boring weekends for me! Congrats bro!
You're in a great area, I got clean in the L.A. area and there's a great sobriety scene for sure. I miss being out there with my people
Ya man I take it for granted I'm sure. Where you at now?
I'm in another great recovery spot, the greater NYC area. It's different, but there's still a lot of recovery here.
MeinuntergangIt's really about how badly you want it, everyone I know is on something and the city itself is drug, crime and disease riddled (hint: you visit my city to gamble, eat, get drunk and laid), but once I decided to cut clean, I haven't touched anything since January of this year. Who knew that anabolics were all I needed to cut off my bad habits? lol Congrats to the two of you.
I agree, I couldn't do this for anybody but myself. When I was blessed with the gift of desperation I wanted it badly, and the time to get clean was long over due. Congratulations yourself, I'm in the same boat I think. I am now focusing my attention on my health and well being and it is so much more productive. Vegas has a good recovery scene, I know a few people that went out there to get clean.
bigzigzagWhat it is?
31yr old
Recovering opiate user
I was in athletics through and till after highscool and have abused steroids since a young age. My peak shape was 6'2 260 lbs @ 10% bf. Now I'm a fat gelatinous mass of a man that hasn't thought about vag in years due to my low test levels. Anyway I'm making changes and 11 months clean thanks to Daily treatment for the past year. I am not a steroid over reactor/Hater and love the idea of this website only wish I had something back in the day so maybe my eggs weren't the size of Huge..........sunflower seeds. Just saying what's up?