Hey friends. I’m sharing this story in hopes that it can help other men who might be where I was just last year.

(Here’s a good old fashioned disclaimer.) "I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv!" Lads, take my words for what they’re worth: words from a long winded dude who thinks YOU should make decisions based on YOUR situation, loaded with all of the info you can get, based on many opinions, most of which should be professional in nature. Onto the post.

I have been on a self prescribed testosterone cypionate cruise for the past year.

I’m currently 39, about to turn 40 next summer. All through my 20s & 30s, I’ve lifted consistently. The gym has been my mental release, and even though I haven’t cleared a ruck or pushed around a defensive lineman for over twenty years, I still do deadlifts and squats like I’m about to play in the Super Bowl.

Rewind to January of 2015. I was 38 years old with two young boys under the age of 3. I felt like my “vitality” had been slipping through my early 30s, but by the time kiddos entered my life, the slope seemed to get steeper. Sleep deprivation from babies took it’s toll and only added to my lethargy. It was awful. To add to that, I work manual labor, I travel a lot, and work keeps me up “late” a few nights a week, so I have no “set schedule” regarding meal times, sleep times, etc.

I honestly wondered if I had a disease. I sucked up my pride and went to the doc. They did blood tests and my testosterone came back at 321. (No clue what my “free T” was at that point, or my estrogen, cuz I didn’t know that I should be asking those questions then.) That was the first time I had ever heard the dreaded term, “low testosterone.” Other than that, I had no pathogens, no cancer, “thyroid looked fine,” liver numbers were normal, etc, I just had low T.

My doc referred me to an endocrinologist. He made me jump through a few hoops (even MORE blood tests, etc) and after more than 2,000 bucks out of pocket and three months worth of “consultations,” he declined putting me on TRT.

I tried every route to boost my testosterone naturally. All of it. More deadlifts. More meat & veggies, less bread. Zero booze. I don’t smoke, but I simply steered clear of being around smoke from smokers & tokers. I slept as much as possible. Another touted way to boost natural testosterone is to have "meaningful sex," not just yank it to porn. I’ve never been a porn kinda guy, but I stopped masturbating completely. My wife has always been good to me, so she obliged. I took over the counter test boosters. I increased my intake of vitamin D, fish oil, etc. I tanned at a salon to try to boost vitamin D, no shit! Best I could, I tried to think positive, lower stress, stretch and relax, etc.

After six months of that, I got my testosterone up in the low 400s, but I still felt very, very broken. Nothing worked. My body is simply fast tracked for decreasing testosterone production. Yay genetics! Dammit.

A google search for “low testosterone” led me to a few mens lifting forums. I had read an article on another forum which had planted the seed in my brain that maybe I could use 10mg of dianabol a day “as a supplement to diet & exercise” and maybe, just maybe, I could avoid needles. I thought, “there’s GOTTA be an oral steroid that can help me with my general health! This is it!”

This is the kind of nonsense that other forums talk about. At that time, I had no experience at all with AAS, TRT, etc, so when I read this stuff, I assumed these folks knew what they were talking about.

Well, I’m glad I kept researching and asked around on a few other forums, which I was glad when some people pointed me to this forum in late spring of 2015.

This is where my true eroids education began.

Now, if you are a man with low T and you’re reading this, hear me now.

Dianabol, or any other oral AAS, isn’t testosterone. Our bodies are wired for test, not any other AAS.

The fellas here at eroids LET ME HAVE IT when I asked about that dumb idea to use 10mg d-bol as a supplement while having low T. I was taken aback by the candid flaming I received, but I opened my mind and listened. Over a few months of research on eroids, it finally got through my brain:

THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL.

I was hopeless and really wanted to learn all I could, so I worked really hard to keep my mind open to what the vets here were willing to teach.

I had low T, and the only thing that would help me was testosterone, end of story.

I decided that I would pursue self medicating, even though many vets here encouraged me to exhaust every avenue before simply pinning myself without doctor supervision. I listened, weighed my options, and wisely chose to research as much as I could before jumping the gun.

Eroids taught me everything I thought I needed to know about TRT and AAS.
1. What & where to buy testosterone, needles & syringes.
2. Proper procedure and smart hygiene for injection.
3. How to get blood work, interpret it, at 1/5th the cost of my doc’s office.
4. How to research, research, research.

By the time I pulled the trigger on my own self cruise, I had learned as much as I could without actually just taking the plunge.

If you’re judging me at this point in the story, I don’t blame you. “Zeus, you were (and still are) being reckless.” Yes, perhaps I was (am). In my mind, I knew the proper dose, the proper procedure (hygiene is SO IMPORTANT) and the ramifications of my actions if I screwed up. I figured I was “ready”, and I was willing TO TRY ANYTHING TO GET MY LIFE BACK. However, friends, please understand that I’m well aware that my decision was made from a point of physical, mental, and emotional brokenness. I’m not asking for pity. Far from it. I’m sharing where I was in hopes that other men reading this might relate and take what I have to say to heart.

Friends, I was DESPERATE. Literally. I was lethargic, mentally foggy, unmotivated, sore as fuck all the time, and I felt hopeless. I made the decision to pin myself with that first shot of test cyp because, fuck it, the positive consequences HAVE to outweigh the negative, and it HAS to be better than feeling whipped, busted up and lethargic.

It took everything I could do to administer that first pin. I damn near cried, my nerves were shot, and I pussed out a few times before finally gathering up the courage to do it. After more than twenty minutes of stupid nerves, I finally got the courage to pierce my skin with that needle.

I injected the oil into my glute, pulled the needle out, and wiped the area with a clean alcohol pad. I’d done it. That wasn’t so bad now, was it? Oof. It was awful. I was a wreck, but I had hope.

The next week was still a nerve wracking experience to pin that week’s dose, as was the following, but by the fourth week, it wasn’t as bad because I could feel the effects already. I was feeling better by the day.

Sadly, and I mean this, SADLY, it was exactly the medicine my body needed. It was sad because, Zeus Marada, the hardest working Greek Mexican you fuckers have ever met, legitimately now knows that I suffer from having low T. (Please don’t think I equate my own “suffering” to that of others who’ve TRULY suffered. Even in my lowest state of being, I'm blessed compared to much of humanity. But lads, low T sucks.)

I got my first blood test after six weeks of pinning, and it said I was high (around 1,200) so I backed off my dose from 200mg test cyp to 100mg test cyp. Blood tests since then have shown I’m at 750 at the end of a week after a pin, which for how I felt and how I wanted to live, that number is perfect.

So here I am, benefiting from this medicine immensely. I sleep more soundly, better than I have in a decade. I wake up much more rested now, and after a cup of coffee, I’m ready to rock. My chest and shoulders had been perpetually sore for years. Within two full months, they weren’t perpetually sore anymore. They were healed and strong. The lethargy went away. The mental fog has lifted. I can remember where I put my car keys, and I’ll be at the store, rack my brain, and remember to purchase items that my wife has told me to get. Holy moly, I’d forgotten what morning wood felt like, but now I was experiencing it daily. Unreal.

All of this from a measly low dose of 100mg per week of test cyp (.5mg of 200mg/ml).

When people ask me how I’m doing now, I tell them, “I’m great.” But not cuz, “I’m great! Unicorns and rainbows great!” Nope. No euphoria. Testosterone has given me zero euphoria. It’s simply healed me.

Testosterone is powerful. I now understand why men choose to abuse it instead of using it intelligently.

Let’s face it. Filling a syringe with oil that was brewed by a complete stranger whom I had an anonymous transaction with online, then injecting it into my body in hopes that I’ll “be healthier,” simply isn’t the smartest thing to do. However, armed with confidence from this site, I did just that, and it has changed my life for the better.

(Again, my eternal thanks to eroids for providing a platform for communication between sources and their customers, as well as giving members a voice to help each other.)

POSITIVES:
1. If I crush a workout, I simply am sore for a day or two, then healed.
2. I sleep like the dead and wake up much more refreshed.
3. My sex life has benefitted.
4. My mental lethargy is gone.
5. I can work as hard as I want, be dog tired, and know that I’ll recover in a day or two.

NEGATIVES:
1. I sweat a lot at night, when previously, I didn’t.
2. PIP sucks (it’s not awful, but it can annoy a fella)
3. Constant stabbing sucks (I’ve done four blood tests in ten months, three blood donations, & weekly pins)
4. “Stress” from buying AI’s, test, pins, etc, and hoping packages don’t get seized, etc.
5. Worrying about my kids one day finding a bunch of needles, vials, etc.
6. Deflecting social comments like, “Zeus, are you on steroids or something?”
7. The ever present possibility of law enforcement fines someday, etc.
8. (edit) HAVING to donate blood when BP & RBCs get high.

My wife knows and is “supportive,” but I have a separate bank account that I use to purchase bitcoin, etc, that all of my cash from side work goes into. She’s never seen me pin, nor does she know where any of my stuff is, but I keep her in the loop. I initially stressed a lot about telling her my decision to start pinning, but ultimately, she trusts that I’m not impulsive and that I think things through. That’s a lot of trust. She’s been cool, and I’m a lucky man.

I’ll tell my boys someday as well, but fuck, I hope with all of my might that they didn’t inherit my “low T genes.” Weekly pinning is literally a pain in the ass.

My next doc appointment isn’t until next May. I’ll be telling my doc everything, including bringing in all blood tests, and if my doc isn’t on board, I dump that doc and hire a new one. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

Regarding my cruise: It’s a blessing and a curse. I’m healed. Sweet! The downside is that I now need that medicine to simply feel “normal.” Not sweet. I don’t wish that kind of dependence on anyone.

If you truly NEED testosterone to counteract low T and you’ve exhausted your options to boost it natty, be forewarned, this is a life sentence.

Proceed with caution, and heed the warnings that this community will openly share with you.

Lastly, brothers, I mean this: please know that you’re not alone. I felt alone, foolishly. I wasn’t. You’re not either.

Be wise and be open to the words of the men and women here who will walk with you through your questions, struggles, and education. I can’t pay anyone back for their kindness and time they’ve given me here, but I can pay it forward.