+ 3 Just about over the fence
Hey all, hope all is well. I'm finding myself finally making the decision, but am hoping for some input from others. I respect input, and I'm going to share some personal info. I've always been a gym guy, dad dipped out early so mum mum and pop pop, also known as mums and pops stepped up. You can also call them Staff Sargent and Second Lieutenant. For those of you that know this upbringing, well, you know. Fitness is a part of life. So, many life experiences later, divorces, houses foreclosed... depression and anxiety followed by a doctor prescribed Klonopin addiction that destroyed my testosterone. A clinic fixed my issues, then going back to an endo and a urologist in my network, they wanted me to dump clinic and get back on benzos and antidepressants. The one doc, I won't say the name said I would only enjoy the sexual dysfunction relief from the testosterone for another few months. That was years ago. My PCP knows what I do, will treat and monitor, but not prescribe. I've found the sources I need on here, but still gunshy to dump the script. Is anyone else in the same situation? My employer has the legitimate prescription on file, am I just crazy at this point? Great sources here, and great advice on the compounds that I'm unfamiliar with. And for the curious ones, I'm not as muscular as I was at twenty two, but at forty five, I'm in great shape, feel amazing, and the bloods look great. Appreciate your input and best wishes.
(Side note- on a good day the guns flex at "18.5 cold haha)
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Best of luck to you. I have struggled with meth addiction most of my life which has ended up doing a number on my mental state and sex drive. It also killed any gains I ever made only to chase them down over and over again. Now that I’m clean working out is my way of life too
Molinin302I appreciate the kind words, the prescribed benzo addiction nearly cost me my life. I'm not a religious man, but I do believe something exists. Long story short the last hospital trip, with my wife a wreck, my mom in Florida on speakerphone accepting that that may be the day, I made my peace with God. Ok, enough about that, I meant the post to be about others situations to advise with their employment and primary care providers while using a clinic, even insurance coverage repercussions while using controlled substances without a valid prescription lol. But I'm glad I made this post, there's some decent human beings in this community and a few showed their faces. Thanks for responding my friend, its appreciated more than you know.
Molinin302All I'm going to say is that there's some very solid fellas commenting in this thread, its a great community.
No homo.
Why no Homo? We love the homo - Big Up the Homo!
Molinin302Yeah, but to be fair, I'm very transparent. There is no homo except for full homo. And I'm talking denim short shorts, a T-shirt with the waist tied in a bow, and a feathered boa. Hair gel, some inappropriate shoes... full homo.
No homo.
Guys, I'm ok either way. full homo, no homo. I'm not looking for a date or any dick root pics though. Nothing but love
Respect for you. I believe it took a lot of courage to post this. I wish you the best.
Molinin302Thanks my guy, I'm very transparent. Life is much easier that way.
trash300I'm benzo addicted too, since 23 years, I feel fine with my daily dose of 10-15mg Diazepam and 2mg Alprazolam, but this stuff makes u tired and emotional I'm often a wreck.
Try to switch to Diaz only, they also don't ruin or decrease your test levels!
All the best brother!
Molinin302Chin up, chest out brother. I can promise you the detox and withdrawal will be crippling, and don't even think about it without the care of a doctor. But its worth it. Very very worth it. I wish you the best my friend, looks like there's a few solid guys here rooting for you, so just remember someone out there cares. Its important.
Edit- FR sent
I wish you would try and get off that stuff mate, I don't think you need it
If you really wanted to and stayed strong you could, your lifting would improve too as it weakens your CNS massively when its in you.
The irony is mentally most people know they don't need it, however its become so routine and a habit that its hard to overcome. Most of the day you say to yourself I'm good then a certain time hits and a little physical withdrawal hits and its easy to stop if you default back to taking that pill and it all goes away. Then their is the underlying fear of I can not operate without it. Hence this is my last drink or pill I'm done being repeated so often.
To your point yes you can stop it takes incredible will and fucking A does your lifting ability improve along with your cognitive ability and decision making. Be warned it sucks at first for a few weeks or months yes you will be weak as fuck and that can fuck with your head...…men and women who drive and persevere through will be rewarded.
Anon.
Molinin302Sent me to the effin' ER...
Where did I say anyone should go cold turkey? When did I downplay any withdrawals? I stated what I had done and made it very clear to say I am not recommending you do the same. I also said it takes incredible will to stop so I’m not quite following you.
Anon.
Brother it’s so easy to misinterpret intent from a typed statement. Believe me I felt no Ill will from your comment. I was just clarifying. When I said feel “little withdrawal” I should have said upon the onset of withdrawal. Which isn’t to long before they are unbearable and can lead to seizures or other serious withdrawal side effects. I’ve read some of your posts we tend to be on the same page no hard feelings.
trash300Correct brother, but I take them since '97 when my ex wife died cause she had a car accident together with me. A deer ran into our car.
I never try to judge anybody without walking in their shoes first. I hope the best for you regardless. Keep pushing in the right direction.
Here is a post of mine from last year that shares a bit of my experience with SSRI's.
https://www.eroids.com/forum/general/general-talk/ssris-and-side-effects
Mate I am Very very sorry to hear that, dealing with a loss like that I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like. But you have to stop trying to haze and block it out, whats happened has happened and your Life HAS to move on. Seeing things in clarity and with a straight sense of mind is often easier than you think, sure it may be painful at first and you will have hurtful flashbacks but things get much easier over time. All you are doing by living this way is prolonging hurt and depression for yourself. Have you talked to a counsellor about this - you need to let it all out properly which I have a feeling you have never done. Benzo's work initially pal by heavily numbing your mind - But in the long run make the whole situation way worse in the way you mentally view events and life in general.
I'm not at all sure what you are saying or asking here mate?
Are you saying you are feeling depressed and anxious and wondering if you should go back on Benzo's and anti-depressants?
Molinin302No effing way! Lol. I'm one of those by the letter kind of people, not having a legitimate prescription for the testosterone doesn't feel right to me. I know it sounds stupid, I dunno. Maybe that would urge my PCP though...
I know you enough, I think, to say "drop the script". Of course this is not the advice you give a newbie or a stranger, but I think it is fitting for you. I think being honest with your pcp is still a must, but come on. You know your body, you know your limits, I hope you know right from wrong with aas use by now. Your are doing this for your overall health, mental and physical. Your not a junkie. Does anybody outside of professional sports even test for peds?
I did read Rustys comment the other day about pushing blood work thru you insurance while on gear. I know this could be a problem, and if it concerns you, you could always outsource your test/hrt bloodwork. I personally would tell my dr my true intentions( if I was in your shoes) and see how he feels about it.
From what I've seen with clinics around my area, it's just about a cash grab. They just want the money.
Edit, fuck people who are quick to prescribe SSRI's and benzos. Fuck them hard
Molinin302Yeah, exactly where I was going with this, thanks bud. I think eventually my primary doc will come around as he's seen the changes to my overall health since the hormonal treatments began. I live in a small state, its a great health network, pretty much the only one, but they definitely have an agenda they're pushing. Long story short, the endo that I saw, (short fat guy) wanted me to drop the test from clinic, get on Valium and SSRI, viagra to maintain sexual function, and check back in in 3 months after my levels crashed. He said, no shit here... "I'm sure testosterone makes you feel good, if I wrote you a prescription for cocaine, that would make you feel good too right?". Thats when I shook the guts hand and walked out. Never in my 43 years talk like that. I'd post his name, I don't make things up, but probably against the rules.
Yep, we are on the same page. I respect good doctors, but not shitheaded, elitist pharmaceuticals pushing close minded turds doctors. They fucked me up for 20 years on SSRI's and my wife for probably 10.
Testosterone is bio identical, cocaine is not??
Molinin302I'm just curious where I would've gotten the script filled lol. I mean, go to the pharmacy with the cigarette pack plastic wrap and say fill it up? Lol. I'm making jokes, but want to keep the topic on point, and thanks for sharing personal experience my bro. As much as my wife hates talking about what I do, even she agrees. The clinic switched from HCG to gonadorelin, my nuts are the size of cashews. Further supports the meds frying my axis. One more script refill and its the quality sources on here and my understanding PCP.
Sounds reasonable to me.
Not quite sure what your asking bud?
Molinin302More of a personal choice question... the docs in my network prescribe benzos and anti depressants for everything. Even after a clinical dependency, the endo wanted to go to that protocol before he looked further into my history. For me to make a decision like this, its pretty big to me. The clinic diagnosed me, fixed my issues, I'm healthier than ever. On paper I'm in better health than in my twenties. But again, although educated, I am not a doctor. Its a big step for me and I'm hoping for some advice from others that have found themselves in a similar situation.
(And I'd pick Mackenzie Phillips over Valerie Bertenilli any day of the week)
You're a solid guy Sam, thanks for everything.
Brother I don’t speak of this much but I spent almost 3years on half a dozen script given to me by psychs that I never needed. I drank way to much never was sober for an appointment and they diagnosed me as bipolar and depressed. Before then I had never taken a script for anything outside of antibiotics. Soon as I laid of the bottle and gained a little clarity I said why the fuck am I on so many crazy pills?
I cold turkey stopped all scripts, which please don’t do I am by no means recommending you to. I just knew I didn’t need the shit and never looked back. I went from a fucking zombie back to the go getting heavy hitting savage I always had been.
I’m not your doctor I’m just sharing my piece in hopes it allows you to make the best decision for you.
Molinin302I hear you my bro, no meds for quite a while now. After I got off the prescriptions for anxiety, depression, etc... is when the clarity kicked in. But other things kicked off. I think many of us here have been in similar situations, and for those that haven't, its advice to get certain levels checked that may be causing issues. I preach health and longevity my bro, and it doesn't hurt to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see in front of you. Life isn't that complicated. Thanks for adding my guy, FR sent.
Accepted. Do NOT hesitate to reach out bro.