Self control
Recently some facts have happened in my life and I'm now wondering if I should continue to use aas. I always been prone to violence but I never done anything particularly stupid but now I'm seeing that there are moments of high rage when I lose control and I can have legal consequences to that. I've seen that when I'm on relatively high doses of pramipexole and letrozole I tend to be very irritable and that produce rage that can degenerate. Some of my social relationships are getting worse and sometimes I'm so angry that I feel like I want to kill a person for futile reasons. I'm a rational person for most of the time but there are this moments.
I thought about meditation to improve self control, or maybe reading some books about it, could it help? What's your experience?
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ommmmmm, ommmmmm...
Stop. Get your shit together. Go get CBT, protect yourself, your relationships and your life. CBT absolutely WILL help you deal with this.
Anger is an extremely important and useful emotion. simply put, it let's us know when something is wrong. But uncontrolled/unchecked/red-mist anger is a problem. I understand your frustration with it. I suffered extreme anger issues for years, and at times have been extremely violent (when protecting others/myself), suffered hyper-vigilance, PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks - all related to violence in childhood, a murder attempt and so-called emotional neglect. Result = an anger basket case. Throw some tren on top and you hit the stratosphere. Fact is; you're not an asshole, but your internal schema, learned behaviours and cognitive function make you behave a certain way at certain times. All can be resolved, but you gotta own it.
Go investigate CBT, it's a game changer, along with meditation which a CBT therapist (find one who specialises in anger, not a generalist) will get you learning quickly enough. In the meantime if you would like to play with meditation (amazing for the hot headed, just amazing) you should download the Headpsace meditation app. Take 10 is free, for a brilliant taster. CBT is relatively inexpensive, takes a short time, relatively speaking, and will help you fix you.
Yea, I'm extremely aware of how childhood behavior of people around us affects our brain subconsciously and I know that I had some unsolved issues with that. I'm gonna talk with a psychologist, I won't use aas/strong stimulants for the next 4 months at least and I'll try to find a balance with myself. If you aren't in peace with yourself and your past you can't be in peace with others and that is where rage is born.
I know that I had some unsolved issues with that
Unfortunately/sadly, most human beings do, particularly from our generation, maybe less so for the Gen Y'ers.
Give the C.B.T. a go if you can, relatively cheap, solution oriented, and short duration to fix
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy??
Yes brother
It's a game changer man. Its short and sweet and all about the solution, not the problem/symptom per se
That and meditation / guided meditation
Fkn gold
Nice. I'm going to do some research.
ClassyChassisWhy are you using prami? Are you on tren? That could have a lot to do with it. Tren, I can get furious over nothing. But I know it's the tren so I don't let it overwhelm me. Also, why high letro? Messing up estrogen can cause rage. I would never use letro unless to deal with existing gyno. It's too much. Bottom line if you can't control yourself, that's the worst thing possible and to be avoided at all cost. Meditation is good for you and I recommend it, but I don't know that it will help with drug-induced rage
Maybe I haven't mentioned it, I have had Prolactin issues.
I would give you +1, if I was able.
ClassyChassisHaha, a virtual +1 is cool.
For real, bro! You deserve cred as far as I'm concerned. You are a pro in disguise.
Anger is a secondary emotion. Something sets it off 1st. Whether jealousy, shame, frustration etc...NO ONE, NO ONE had a worse case of anger/aggression than I did. I wish I knew 20 yrs ago what I do now as Im sure we all do but spending time taking a stock of myself made all the difference. Quit drinking, smoking, living a crappy lifestyle. In some ways I am like brooklyn below, living this lifestyle has given me an outlet (gym) for that aggression and on cycle I was a lamb, unless I was in the gym. Any way not to ramble but that you are recognizing how you feel is a good sign. Be honest with yourself about what u really need to do. Only good things will come from that.
Was Hitler at least a close second?
RustyhookerGold! Hahaha
AnonSign up for a local tough man or join a gym that trains amature fighters, it will either channel your energy to the good and you may excel in something that doesnt actually involve rage but tons of aggression. I dibble dabbed in amature cage fighting in south alabama in my mid 20s in the 205 weight, it showed me really quick how un-tough i really was. It was a great adrenaline fed humbling experience. Edit: I wasnt on AAS or had any experience with it at that time, but i learned real quick what hurts to carry in to my use.
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face" - Iron Mike Tyson
How many of us know a person who is not fun to be around when they have alcohol in their system? No one wants to be that guy.
If AAS make you a more irritable person, stop using them.
If you are an asshole off aas, you will be more of an asshole on it. Stop.
If it is making you lose control I think it is pretty clear you need to stop using AAS.
What about stimulants in general? For my work I need to be focused and mental clear and awake for most of the day...
Stimulants, AAS, cough syrup, whatever it may be, if something is causing you to lose control you need to stop taking it. There may be other underlying issues causing those feelings so it may not be solely stemming from what you are taking but your supps could be exacerbating the issue. Might need to do more than to just stop taking something.
I never really wanted to kill anybody. Nobody I know personally at least. I've taken out mirrors, doors, walls, lamps, windows. Even a garage door once. All before I ever touched AAS by the way. If anything the hormones seemed to have helped me a lot as I haven't had any violent outbursts ever since I started using. I think it's because I'm happier now that I'm doing something I want to do? Maybe this lifestyle involves so much effort and work that I don't have time to get angry like I used to? I mean, I get cranky if I'm at a party with pizza I can't have, or if someone is eating chocolate around me--I miss chocolate so much--but I'm not throwing fits because of it.
I've never physically hurt a human being intentionally. Never been in one fight. I'm very proud of that.
My recommendation is to take out objects (preferably that you own!), never people when the urge strikes. If the AAS is bringing it to a point where the rage cannot be controlled, them it's time to drop it. There needs to be responsibility there.
RustyhookerClearly stop what you're doing.
Actually I'm only on pct and the next time I'll touch aas (if there will be one) I want to be sure that I can handle it, do you have any advices?
RustyhookerStick to milder aas if you try again. Low doses will give gains when diet and gym are above and beyond. My first half dozen cycles was a simple 300mg test.
Everyone has a different point of aggression. If you're naturally aggressive, the above info from others is great. Dht seems to hit some guys, halo is another, and tren with its mind warp jealousy b.s. If you're not competing though...keep it simple.
When anything leads you to feeling like you want to kill then there is a very serious issue. Maybe that was a figure of speech if that was meant literally then perhaps its time to reassess whether or not aas and any meds that go with it are for you. There are probably other underlying issues that need to be properly and perhaps professionally dealt with. If you feel aas agrevates these issues it may be time to refrain from such use. The fact that you already recognize the problem is the first step in the right direction.
Are you suggesting a psychologist, right? Also Meditation appears to be something that helps to deal with self control imho
Everyones different. You can try professional help it may or may not work. Meditation is something I practice and it helps me to stay centered. Find what works for you. Just coming on here and talking about it is in a sense a form of therapy.The idea is not to stuff the anger or youll wind up exploding one day but to learn how to control it.