+ 2 I am a drug addict
I spend a lot of time here on eroids. Not just in the SI's or in the cycle logs but even in the past post looking for stuff to favorite and bookmark. One thing that I notice most is the comments people make about recreational activities that they used to be involved in. I'm talking about drugs and alcohol. I am a drug addict. I will forever be a drug addict. The only thing is I am addicted to different drugs/substances now and so are you guys.
It was the normal start, I guess you would say. Started smoking pot. Drinking with friends on the weekends and school night at the early age of 12. As the years went on more and more drugs came into play. Speed, methadone, OxyContin, Xanax, opium, shrooms, LSD and cocaine. Shuuuu! Cocaine! That was my shit! What a hell of a drug! Makes your dick limp and make you not shut the fuck up. All this drug use and abuse continued up until the age of 24. I guess that's when I said in the back of my mind I was done. I woke up on a December 31st and didn't have anything to get high on. No pot, no 8-ball stashed away. Fucking nothing. So I said "meh, I'll get some tomorrow." Well I didn't. I didn't the day after that. Or the day after that. The next thing I know it's been 2 weeks clean. 2 weeks turned into 2 months. 2 months turned into 6 months. Within this time I decided to start the gym. This was it. Without even knowing I just traded one addiction for another. I traded 8-balls for dumbbells and pills for protein shakes. Fast forward to now and it been 4 years and 6 months clean. 4 years and 6 months of training. When I started I was 140 pounds. Now I'm 184 pounds and shredded as fuck!
So what the fuck does this mean? It means that if you were one of those people that were addicted to drugs and was a drug addict, you still are an addict. You will always be an addict. You can't change that. The only thing you can do is change what you are addicted to. Idk about you but I'd much rather be addicted to Syntha6 and SuperPumpHD than cocaine and Xanax.
If you're one of these people that made that change, fucking be proud of it. Be proud that you took the wheel and changed your lifestyle for the better. Be proud that you can be part of community to where you share that bond with others that have been in those same shoes. Where all addicts. Where just addicted to new things. The iron. The lifestyle of AAS. The feeling of achievement. The feeling of overcoming obstacles.
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Yep, nailed it. I started off on supplements and I would buy a crap load...I also HATE days off from the gym. Its addition. I love the atmosphre, the pump and the feeling I am bettering myself. But lets be honest there are FAR worse addictions out there. I am planning my first cycle but I know once I do a cycle of simply test then will come more compounds. I don't have ambitions to be a bodybuilder I just simply want a ripped defined mens health look and thats my goal/addiction.
tread-mTempatation is a bitch brother but I'm glad you were stronger than it in the end. Inspiring read thank you for sharing.
Thanks, Big Guy! Btw FR sent. Need to talk to you.
AnonWow, I thought i was reading my autobiography there for a minute!
I don't remember the public hate of steroids 20 years ago being as bad as it is now. The whole time Lance Armstrong was getting grilled, I was like, "Who gives a damn" Now the lead singer from "As I lay dying" is blaming roids for wanting his wife dead. Cant you just feel a shit storm coming after AAS usage? Its now classified as a Class III controlled substance (I think) and I wonder whats in store for us next. Is it going to be in the same class as cocaine?
Ace VenturaBringing baseball players in front of congress was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen from our government. Looks like that shit's about to happen all over again. I mean, if there's ever been an expert on steroid usage it's Joe the fuck Biden.
AnonI'm with you brother.... MADD needs to step it up. Steroids aren't crashing into innocent people and killing them. Seems like recreational drugs are accepted more now than AAS. Maybe planet fitness is the new world order in disguise ?
Sounds like I need to start stock piling before they figure out how to prevent this method of obtaining gear... Lol
I'm not the type to go on the hunt for drugs. Like being a kid everyone piles in the car for a pot run searching far and wide. I'm not one that will pay the ridiculous prices for illegal prescription drugs. If I had a script of oxys percs, or vics. I will fill it! When I get it I will take them bordering overdose for however long they last. I've gone through 120 Vicodins in 2 1/2 days. There is a name for this behavior it's call episodic addiction. Meaning once you start you can't stop until your episode is over. This is the category I fall in. I can't eat or snort 1 pill and walk away I have to get fucked up. With me knowing this I just can't put myself in those situations. Brb gotta script to fill LOL
Chaz32621Haha I can relate in some ways. When I was young in high school I was addicted to video games and food.I had killer thumb muscle on my fat 340lb body. Then I sold my xbox 360 for a gym membership literally took my food and traded it in for cardio and healthier foods. Now I'm 225lb 12 percent bodyfat loven life. What a good read bro congrats on ur life changes
Ace VenturaShit, congrats to you brother! What you did takes a ton of hard work and dedication. You could inspire people with your story. (Actually, I'm sure you already do)
Ace VenturaI started working out the day I got out of treatment over 13 years ago. It was always something I was interested in, I just knew there was no point if I couldn't eat or sleep. I haven't stopped since. I can definitely see it as a form of addiction, but I agree, a much much healthier one. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since 1999. Thanks for posting this.
BigBmajI have certainly noticed that I have those addictive tendencies still. I've been clean for awhile but I can quickly become obsessive and compulsive about something if it makes me feel good.
If I got hurt and needed some pain meds I would still have to be careful about it. Something about that opiate warmth is very seductive.
I have smoked a little pot when I was younger but my addictions have always centered on sports and competition. I swam competitively in HS and College and it was my fucking life. I still get off on the smell of chlorine. That led to running and triathlon. My entire circle of friends were runners and triathletes around the world. We would run into each other at events and be all social, and then kill ourselves to outrun them on the course.
It started so innocuously...wanting to break 17 minutes in a 5K. 2:45 in the marathon and qualify for Boston. Get into Ironman in Kona, HI. After my 4th Kona finish, I walked away. It was odd. I just didn't want/need it anymore. I moved into the gym...not to supplement my triathlon training, but for the weight training in and of itself.
Like anything else that you apply yourself to, I saw the changes happening, and it gave (gives) me the same rush that my earlier addictions did.
So yeah, I am addicted.
It's good to see other endurance athletes here even if we are former endurance athletes. A 17 minute 5k is smokin
My pr is actually 16:06
You fucking show off!!....
LOL
You will notice that I didn't mention it was like 17 years ago
Couldn't touch it today.
Kwabby beat me to it but I am the same way. I have tried just about everything besides heroin and meth, had my fun and walked away. My father and grandparents were hopelessly addicted to cigarettes, I have never been able to understand it. When my dad died I ended up with a ful bottle of oxycontin, I snorted them, smoked them and chewed them until they were gone. I felt a little bummed out the day they ran out but more relieved. If that won't hook you I just don't know what will?
I will agree with you about the gym tho, it is as close to addiction as I can be bro.
Damn that sucks bro. Im the guy that can try anything, whenever and never get addicted. Its weird. Tried em all and quit cold turkey whenever just to prove I wasn't addicted lol. I was the "weekend only smoker/drinker" and I remember I told myself thats how it would be and I would never change it. Never did change it...
That's the reason I can't try white girls Cus I can't or won't stop, I have no self control no lie, even at raves I can't hold on to the goody pack Cus I will eat them all.
A, I can honestly say... Thank you for sharing your story. I know this topic is something that we haven't discussed a lot in our relationship. It means so much that you see the issue you had and know that you will need to face the temptation at some point. I believe that most who are addicted to drugs have the personality that causes the addiction. It's not different with alcohol, working out, AAS or anything that give you that feeling of satisfaction. For anyone that look back and say I once had an issue but I've replaced that with something that will improve my life I can't honestly say "Congrats" because some can't do that. Those people will miss out on so much that when it's said and done only in those last moments will they truly understand what they missed out on. You make me so proud!! I Love You Sexy MF
I love you too, Sexy Lady! Thank you.:-)
Just wanted to add a congratulations on your beating out the real demons bro.
I don't buy into the once an addict always an addict BS. Saying sobriety is my new addiction is like saying I'm addicted to breathing air. It's a con.
I made a choice 8+ years ago to stop and never looked back. I feel so confident that there is no longer a problem I know if I took a drink, snorted, shot up, dropped acid, etc. I would not relapse. Cocky? Thing is, that same attitude has me believing I have nothing to prove. I don't need to have that drink to prove anything to anyone -or myself. there is no urge, want or need. Period. The fact just is.
I know others still struggle, and count the days, months and years. I do not want to diminish their efforts and accomplishments. Maybe there are 13 steps not 12. The last one is letting go.
-my 2 bits.
Ace VenturaI half agree with this. I do believe once an addict, always an addict. I believe it'll always be a part of me. If I were to go into a room right now where everyone was either smoking meth, or using cocaine, I would be able to feel an actual physical reaction just by being around it. I also believe that I could get away with using or drinking just once, and not be forced into a downward spiral, because I'm just not interested in that lifestyle anymore. I can also tell by your posts that you are one of those stubborn types that just doesn't want to admit they have a weakness, and nobody will ever change your mind.
I think what needs to be clarified is an addiction -a physical dependency on a substance.
And
An addictive personality -which is a set of "personality traits that make an individual predisposed to addictions."
I can become addicted to substances as anyone else can... that is my weakness.
But I know through my own experience and others you can shed those traits that make you desire or want to participate in activities that are self destructive -Primarily addictive.
I personally have been in situations where others are smoking, drinking, and snorting, and I've been perfectly comfortable with it. I have sat with other IV users as they shot up. No problem for me... They tend to ask how I was able to stop. I tell them I had to die first (figuratively).
And yes, I am one of those stubborn types. I wouldn't ask for help, I had to lose everything -including myself. before I was ready to admit I couldn't do it on my own. It was truly, for me, a rebirth experience. I was luck I didn't die in the process.
AnonThere are a few people from eroids that I wish I could meet in person and you are one of them. You seem like a really wise person my brother, I always appreciate and most of the time can relate to what you are saying.
Dependency is not addiction.
Ace VenturaOh good, I was hoping you we're already aware of that and didn't get offended. :~)
I'd say I agree with that. It just so happens that most addicts have that personality trait in common. Others just sort of stumble into an addiction almost by accident. Alcohol is probably the most common example of that. Thanks for the response brother.
I'm with you. I had issues with addiction. My life went into a fast and hard downward spiral. It took a series of horrible events ending with my incarceration to wake me up and snap me out of it. But once I made up my mind, that I wasn't living like that anymore, I never looked back. It's been a decade.
I should add that by no means am I saying that people should try to take the an approach that I did. Whatever you feel in your heart is right for you is right for you and nobody can/should be able to change that. This is just my life experience. To each their own
Once again. You don't have to buy it cause I ain't selling it. You can look at it however you want to. Relate to it however you want to. But to say that the way I look at it is bullshit, is bullshit. Each are entitled to their own opinion but you don't put down somebody else. Especially when it comes to addictions.
I don't see how I put you down but ok.
I didn't say anything about buying it. I quoted Greg who I happen to agree with. If you are going to post things you're going to get opposing options and experiences. Try not to get all butt hurt about it. And I can and will look at it how I want. I didn't get into all that but you're right! Best of luck to ya'
So if you quoted Greg.... That you agree with.... Who said that he's not buying that bs... Pretty much seems to me that you are saying the samething. I believe that's what quoting is. Saying something that somebody else said. No body is butt hurt by no means. I know that if I post things I'm going to get opposing views. That's called discussions which lead to opinions being voiced which also lead to learning. The entire point of this site. So please by all means look at it how you want but there is always more than one way to look at something. Guess the way I look at it is best for me and the same goes to you which we are both entitled to. Good luck to you to as well.;-)
No matter how you look at it, the only thing that really matters is how you feel. You're going to get opposing opinions no matter what the topic is. There is nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree and leaving it at that. When defense mechanisms start kicking in it looks like you're catching feelings about it. You shouldn't. You have your view, Greg has his and I have mine. My life experiences are what they are and the thins I've learned from them shaped my views. They don't have to reflect your view. Do you like chocolate ice cream? Probably right? Well I hate it. I like vanilla. Wanna talk about it?
Fuck yea I wanna talk about it! I hate chocolate ice cream. Unless its in the Neapolitan then I can deal with it. But IMO vanilla is the only way to go.
:-)
Best of luck and try not to let other ppl effect you. It's a sensitive topic and I get that. We all deal with things differently. Just because my experience and point of view is different doesn't mean we don't battle the same demons. Shit I may even be able to help you or vice verses. You never know.
Well you guys found the common ground... Vanilla Ice cream, now go get a cone and call it a day :-)
This maybe the first time that I disagree with you. Having a father that's addicted to drugs and alcohol, a bother that's been on meth for half of my life and countless family members that have been on addicts for most of my naturel born life. Addiction is something you never over come, not completely. Yes you may become stronger and certain that you will never relapse again. But until you are face to face with the lowest of low and no place to go but back you can't truly sit there and say for sure. I commend anyone that can say they are clean, it takes a very strong person to put the past behind them. I personally have never touch a drug stronger than pot, thank god. If family addiction did anything for me... it was to stay the hell way from it.
You dont have to buy it cause i aint selling it. That choice you made 8+ years back to stop and never look back was you replacing one addiction with another. A damaging addiction with a better addiction. You can call it bullshit if you want. But I don't think it is. Nobody said that sobriety is my new addiction. I'm still addicted to drugs. Just different drugs. AAS are drugs. The sups that I buy from GNC are drugs. Just a new and different high. That better sense of being. That euphoric feeling you get from dbol, high test levels, the geeky feeling you get from pre-workouts. Those are all highs. So even though you made that choice 8+ years ago. Your still getting high today.
Even I can snort a rail or drop some acid or anything today and feel like I wouldn't relapse. Cocky? No. Confident and not the high I want anymore. I don't have anything to prove to anyone either and I could give a fuck less cause I do this for me and to look good naked. Idk if you went through a 12 step program or not. But the fact remains. You are a addict and you will always be an addict. You're just on a different high now. IMHO.
It would also depend on what you mean by "addicted to AAS". Problem is addiction can mean something different to everybody. Abuse? yeah sure we all abuse AAS the second we go over pharmacological doses, but addiction is entirely different. To one person addiction is not being able to do one cycle and stop forever, to another addiction may mean those who blast and cruise, to another it could mean...etc. I dont think its fair to classify all of us as addicts as i've never been addicted to any drugs in my life and i'm sure others haven't either. I'm back on cycle after 9 MONTHS, MONTHS lol and only on 500mg test for 6 weeks this cut. strong will power? sure I guess but I wouldn't see it that way, just a commitment I made that I wouldn't abuse AAS and let them do as they were designed to do. BUT with that being said, bodybuilding (dark side) does have a fairly large amount of drug addicts and felons, especially at the top ranks. I think alot of people would be surprised how many top level competitors are drugs addicts, and convicted felons. Many sell drugs just to be able to compete at that level...
Please note the IF YOU WERE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT WHERE ADDICTED TO DRUGS as you stated you aren't one of those people... addiction doesn't have many meanings.. and you are right.. you can do one cycle and never do another, no one said that was an addict.
All I'm saying is that your definition for an addiction is overly broad (remember this). In essence if I breathe air, I'm addicted to air?
Your premise that an addictive personality can never be overcome, IMO, is flawed. At least in my case.
Saying with authority as you are, that going from hard drugs, to "soft drugs" to healthy hobbies, or "busy work" are mutated forms of that same addiction -suggests that if I stop my "busy preoccupation" with whatever it is that I am doing, that I would implode. That might be true in some cases, perhaps most, but not all.
I was an IV meth and heroin user. I hit rock bottom; was homeless, I ate oranges from groves and turnips from fields to survive (if you've ever eaten a raw turnip you'll know how desperate my situation had become). At one point I gave up. Surrendered. Let go. From then on there were no more demons, or urges.
I did not start any "busy work", hobby, health kick et al. I simply cleaned myself up, repaired relationships, and got a job. I started living for the first time at about 27 years of age. My "health kick" didn't start until my late 40's and AAS use until 52.
So no, I am not an addict. Being addicted to life is instinctual -not an addiction.
My path was an emotional, spiritual, and physical train wreck. I would wish it on no one. But I choose to believe that we have a choice.
So, respectfully, I disagree with you.
Moved to Off-Topic
http://www.eroids.com/forum/general/off-topic/the-recovery-lounge....na-...
I'm feeling that! Had a few issues myself over the years.
As long as you're over them and move on to bigger and better things that's all that matters.:-)
MakaveliCD7Your not alone
There's a lot of us bro.
Zyzz?! You're alive brah?
Lol! I wish!