Bodybuilding ruining a friendship
Im curious to see if anyone has experienced something similar to this. Ive been working out and bodybuilding since I was old enough to use the weights in the gym. It's always been a hobby separate and apart from my circle of friends. About 2 years ago a friend of mine caught the bodybuilding bug from me and became obsessed. So much so that our entire friendship basically revolves around discussing all aspects of the sport.
It wasn't long before I started noticing the possible consequences of this shared obsession. Most of them seem to be rooted in jealousy and destructive competitiveness. Usually manifesting themselves in back handed complements, insulting "jokes", douchey gym behavior, counting my reps from accross the gym, and blaming my advice for his lack of gains.
It's really wearing on me. Im not competitive with my friends or even other guys at the gym. Im also very positive and would prefer to build someone up rather than break them down. But when your around a guy whos constantly comparing himself to you and taking shots at you- you tend to respond likewise.
Im sick and tired of it. My current solution is not training with him and telling him im out the advice business. The other day he came up to me in the middle of a work out and said " See your doing bi's again- seems like everyday blah blah"... I just put my head phones back on with the look of disgust. I hate having to be that harsh to a friend- but he needs to quit the buzz kills.
Anyone experience something like this?
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WeatherwedUpdate: Been a few weeks now since I stopped talking to my friend. There have been a few insignificant interactions when we happen to be at the gym at the same time, but no calls or anything. My training and mental well being have been amazing now that I dont have his cloud of negativity around me.
Good to hear. I HATE "FRIENDS" like him...They smile to your face but love to see you fail over succeed..
Great to hear.. good on ya.
He has got issues, don't let him get under your skin..Friends like that you sure don't need enemies..Take the high road and walk away...
Not worth dealing with. If a big fuck off doesn't make him get the point it sounds like a ass kicking in the parking lot might
AnonDam bro seems like hes all fucked up
Some people still have a lot to learn in life, if you give him feedback on it, In a way he can understand from your/his families perspective. Provided with clear examples about the way he acts and reacts to his friends and family. He might be able to change his behaviour before it's too late.
Have you fucked him off yet ?????.... nobody needs a twat like that dragging them down.
Friendship is like the tide bro.... it comes and goes...................... daily
Lmaoooooo! Does anyone think the name Viking goes with these words....I am saying a big YES! When studying the different cultures, tribes, and peoples at U.S. Naval War College we extensively cover all the warrior nations. With Vikings subtle words he is like one who has gone through a time machine lol.
I am going to ask Suzy, but I am willing to bet he goes to bed with that big horned war helmet!!!!! Your comments make me laugh everyday brother good stuff:)
Aaah you read me well brother..... no badness intended in my words, I just like to be a straight shooter that way folks and more importantly myself knows exactly were we stand.. we have a saying over here.. "no point going around the houses" meaning.. why waste time when you can deal with things head on first hand!.. that approach makes things less stressful for all parties imo
Straight to the point.. like it!.. execute and enjoy.
" " " " " dislike it!... bin it.
P.s...... I quit wearing the helmet in the loooove room........ Its murder on the fkn headboard lol.
I have never seen any malice in your words just sincerity! That is how I speak to all my kids. I want them to be in or out, committed fully or not at all!
I have been excused by many of being extreme...I always respond as opposed to being apathetic, compromised and lukewarm. Yeah I will take the title extreme, decisive, and committed fully.
I have never seen any malice in your words just sincerity! That is how I speak to all my kids. I want them to be in or out, committed fully or not at all!
I have been excused by many of being extreme...I always respond as opposed to being apathetic, compromised and lukewarm. Yeah I will take the title extreme, decisive, and committed fully.
WeatherwedWe haven't had any communication in about a week. Ive run into him a few times at the gym- and have completely ignored him. He knows something up and that Im pissed- but hes shown zero interest in reaching out to find out why.
Ive gotten some great advice on this thread. I plan on sticking to my bottom line- with the expectation that he will most likely fail to meet it. That being said- when people start dropping out of your life right and left because they cant stand your obnoxiousness it can be a wake up call for change. So we'll see.
if you never really tell him the truth of how you feel blowing him off or avoiding him is only enabling him....he will flip things around in his mind and exonerate himself from any wrong doing and you will become the asshole..... im not a religious person but that saying "the truth shall set you free" is the most empowering statement....my guess is he does this to many other ppl and whether its born of insecurity or jealousy is irrelevant bec im certain no one has held up the truth to his face...so do him and yourself a favor and in the most honest, non attacking way tell him how you feel...
Weatherwed"my guess is he does this to many other ppl " Nail on the head brother.
This summer was the first time I really saw him around his family. Same exact sh-t. Talks to them like garbage and they tip toe around him as a result. If somethings going wrong for him he feels entitled to pay it forward in the worst way. Him parents definitely played a role in creating and enabling this crap.
Ive also noticed a great deal of displacement at work. If his girl friend does sometime to upset him- he will bend over and take it- meanwhile he will lash out at the people hes not afraid of truly losing.
ummm weatherwed im a girl
WeatherwedAhh- That explains your unbelievable gift for social insight. My apologies for the oversight.
well thank you ...i was gonna put " no homo" since i figured my advice sounded feminine but i figured the pic of the panties and bra wld have clarified that lol
WeatherwedThe picture doesn't do the trick because some guys use hot girls as an avatar. The color difference between male and female isn't very distinct- or at least not for me. That being said, ive made gender mistakes before- some more traumatic than others :).
yes yes this is true bec i when i first joined eroids a guy was talkin to me and his avatar was a girl so i thought he was just a lesbian bec she/he was so complimentive lol
You know what is worse? My wife was shopping in a clothes store a couple of weeks ago and a women clerk as this other client in the store when she was due to have her baby. The woman replied "I am not pregnant"! Ouch lol
WeatherwedBurnnn. That's one of those human experiences you only need to have once before you're corrected permanently.
Check out her photos brother you will never forget again:)
No your not you are all woman baby!
haha well yes i am!
sometimes....even are family members dont always have the best intentions.
just a thought.
It is not bodybuilding that ruins friendships. It is always a lack of character, loyalty, and honor. The outward things that bind us to our friends are only the vehicle that exposes how strong or weak our relationships are but not the cause of success or failure.
When an individual is insecure they are capable of doing great harm to others because of the belief that is someone else doesn't succeed than you can rise to the top. Or in other words "I don't want anyone else to be great because then it will expose my lack of desire and drive to work for it." So instead the easy road is for them to cast dispersions, and accusations so they can distract themselves from their own blame in being the root cause of their lack of success!
Insecurity & self pity are two emotions that if practice will destroy the user and anyone that they are attached to if given the long term opportunity.
WeatherwedGreat observations. It's funny how once hidden issues come to the surface you can look back at all the red flags along the way.
That is it right there brother! Nothing new under sun only repetition, you take that hindsight intelligence and you store it and then you see for any relationships in the future so flags popping up in real time. Then it saves years of wasting your loyalties.
Who needs enemies when you have friends like that? Lol
Sounds like your boy has some growing up to do.
56tooYou need to scratch that POS off your friends list. Very simple
Fuck him off! plain and simple.. cut out any negativity in your life. I can't stand people like that.. to the point where i just want to rip their throat out. Sorry for being so blunt, but this is a subject that really gets me worked up. I am still in the process of getting this completely done myself.
X2.... that's what im talkin about..................... #FUCK HIM RIGHT OFF.
maybe he loves, you maybe hes gay!! he checks you out bro who knows?? lmao jokes bro, I know exactly what your saying, one of my training partners is the same, it is jelousy, to the point sabotage comes into play!!!!
The jabs he takes at you are most certainly out of jealousy. At the same time it sounds like your buddy needs to grow up. Also if this is a friendship you want to keep, perhaps find another workout partner.
Great advice!
One thing I can say is try ignoring it. When he says "you do biceps everyday" just laugh and say YUUUP!
don't take anything he says personally. If he is taking shots at you then either thats his way of trying to motivate you (as terrible and worthless as it is) or he's trying to feel better about himself by putting you down. Either way instead of looking at it as him attacking you look at it as if he truly is unhappy with himself and is having a tough time.
I agree with you to a point. I'm at 200lbs. My gym partner is easily 260 lbs an not the best shape at all. Not many people like him. He's socially weird as can be and people generally stay away from him after meeting him once. He does this exact same thing that OP describes. Now, at 60 lbs difference between us we both work out with the same weight on most all of our lifts. He should be out lifting me by loads of weight. Yet he refuses to eat right. He is constantly trying to put me down and make me look like the weaker individual. Not just the gym, basically anywhere. I realize that it's nothing but his insecurities and him trying to make himself look/feel better about himself as well as in front of others. But at what point is ignoring the issue not an option? I say either avoid him like the plague, then WHEN he asks what's the deal, tell him straight. Some people just HAVE to be talked to in a way that otherwise seems rude. They won't understand why you are ignoring them etc. I've had to do it a handful of times and its about time for me to do it again as well. It doesn't help that I'm generally passive and avoid confrontation but at some point something will need to be said. By the time that happens I don't have a problem taking control of the situation..... On a lighter not I actually bet him in a months time that I'd out bench him..... The 29th of this month will be the date..... We'll see who what happens. Good luck!
Sounds like borderline personality disorder to me. If that's the case you seem to already understand that is how he is and that will not change. He cannot help it by behaving the way he is. If you can sense that deep down inside he means well but just has a bad habit of putting you down there is a couple things you can do. Like you said you can ignore it and put up with it or you can end the friendship.
One thing you can do is try having a one on one with him saying you would like it if he stopped criticizing you, but make sure he understands how serious you are.
Anyways best of luck hopefully you can get it figured out, but that seriously sounds like BPD so try to not get mad at him and accept him for who he is. It's up to you how you deal with him and if you feel the friendship is valuable enough to continue on or not.
BPD.... Never really thought of that...... Could def be that.
Weatherwed"Some people just HAVE to be talked to in a way that otherwise seems rude." perfect.
WeatherwedThanks. You're enlightened. Years of therapy have put me on the same page as you. You're solution will be effective when I have to be around him- but it doesnt solve the long term friendship issue. Unfortunately these issues combined with a few others have moves me past the point of overlooking a few warts here and there.
Additionally, I know this sounds conceded, but jealousy issues have ruined a few of my male friendships before. So now im pretty vigilant when I start seeing behaviors that indicate that someone is starting to wish the worst for me rather than the best- which is really what this boils down to.
Yeh homeboy is burnt. I have a couple friends at the gym and its nothing but compliments and spotted reps and pushing one another in our shared hobbie. I have friends outside the gym that are jealous of the success but in a positive way. Some it motivated for a week or two to go buy a membership lol then found out its actually hard work.
WeatherwedThank you for that! That's exactly what im talking about.
AnonSounds like fuk head,not a mate-fuk him off negative sole sukas must die!
RustyhookerTime to move on or get drug down.
WeatherwedThat's where my mind is tonight.