posted Sun, 05/20/2012 - 18:16
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+ 10 THE RECOVERY LOUNGE!....N/A, A/A, C/A, or any other Anonymous drug program!
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Welcome to the recovery lounge, this is safe place where eroid members can talk about recovery, steroids and recovery, or any other topic! There seems to be many of us here on eroids, there will surely be different fellowships in here and they are all welcome! Other eroid brothers are welcome to come and join the lounge if they would like, its open to the public!
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Hey all. Just checkin in. So much to learn. I am glad i found this forum. 5 + years clean. Prepping and studying for a test p / test e cycle in the next month or two. Glad to see folks learnin how to stay clean and safely use gear. Please be patient and ill TRY not to ask too many dumb questions!
I'm pretty dumb! Lol. If you got any questions, ask away bro.
Well done on the 5 year clean bro. It ain't easy, ive fuked up myself.
Darron614Hey I saw some of your earlier posts... I definitely think you should try and switch from the methadone over to suboxone. It could definitely improve your workouts and overall energy throughout the day. FR sent if you wanna talk about things of the sort.
Lol, ive done with the methadone now. Thankfully!!
I tried subs before and found it hard to finish up with it. Meth was cool with me, u can reduce to a tiny amount, I came off at 2ml.
Darron614Oh! Well congrats man that is great! Keep up the good work then. It is awesome to see people turn things around in their life.
Ace VenturaWelcome! Glad you found eroids brother, it's definitely the right place to be. Congrats on all that clean time. :~)
spoon69This is a great thread bro. i think a lot of us forget that we our not the only ones with this stuff in our past. i try and hide my past sometimes because im ashamed of some of the things I've done when really i should be proud of the fact that i am not putting 10+ g of h and blow into my veins daily anymore and i am not sickly and dieing but instead i am healthy with a god job and a family and about to enter a bb comp in the ebc. life is good sober it really is. much respect to everyone fighting the good fight and to all of my brothers on this thread.
waltrdude i have to ride by my local methadone clinic every morning on my way to the gym for cardio and it kills me to see all those people standing outside.
i used to be one of them and it's a constant reminder of how bad life was back then and how much better it is now.
there is nothing in this world to be ashamed of, everything is a learning experience. if we weren't meant to screw up in life we would be born knowing the proper way to do everything from the start.
keep your head up dude
Well said bro. Very happy for you. I like a happy ending. Lol.
I'm so glad to be off the methadone, it's an ok detox drug but It can drag on for a lot of peep's. On the other hand, if you can remain drug free on meth you can lead a normal life. Stability is the benefit, then a slow reduction.
I'm entering the next EBC, keep me on the right track for the next few months. Not that I'm due to fuk up, just great to have a goal to aim for.
Good luck to all bro's still fighting the good fight. And girls, of course.
That's right brother!!
BigBmajMy problem is that I cannot sleep. I haven't slept well since I got sober like two years ago. I'm going totally nuts. I had the doctor write a script for some amyltriptyline I hope that helps because I'm going to loose it.
Its fucking with my gains. You can't grow properly with a couple disturbed hours of sleep per night.
I use Lunesta and it seems to do well. I have suffered from insomnia issues my whole life.
I did take 4 NyQuil pills and 4 Advil pm to knock me out
WeatherwedUnisom saved my life. Its better than any RX ive tried. Its main ingredient is the sedative found in nyquil. Doxy something. One tab (25mg) is enough to put me down for 4 hours under any conditions. Wake up dose again and back to sleep for the full 8. With the ultimate goal of getting my sleep back on track with out the drugs.
BirmonI'm the same way. Can't sleep, and when I do it's always that really light, weird dreams and never rested sleep. What I wouldn't give for just a night of deep, natural sleep, waking up totally refreshed and energized. Even if I'm totally wasted tired, I lay down and sack out for about 20 minutes then I'm wide awake for another few hours. The anxiety of laying here, trying, no willing myself to go to sleep is the worst part. Looking at my clock as the minutes and hours tick by. Getting pissed and then sad and then its like desperation. Sorry, bro. I know it sucks. Hope your meds help.
BigBmajHave you tried any meds at all? I've tried many so maybe I can help. I took 4 ambien the other night and I was wide awake in 1 1/2 hours. Ha.
Seroquel works but it makes me feel shitty.
amyltriptyline doesnt work. at 50 mg
Trazadone sort of works.
Ambien is a joke
Benadryl no good makes me anxious
melatonin - anxious
Have you tried phenibut? Its a bit addictive but it may really help you out man. I just thought of that.
Even tho I've give up H I still smoke weed, id never sleep if not.
I get about 5 hours a night, and an hour in the day, usually after a big meal. I get as much as possible, my girl can sleep for 12 house straight, I'm like wtf.
BirmonMy wife is the same way. She can lie down and be out in a few minutes. Makes me jealous.
Well had planned to get off methadone a week or 2 ago but lifes not always that straight forward.
So just to fill the gaps, had a relapse at back end of 2012. Been in and out of jail and drug relapses for the most part of 20s, currently 39.
The last time I was locked up I got 2 years, and turned 30 on that sentence and swore it would be the last time, thank fuck it was.
Prison used to fuck me off more than being on heroin & crack. Wen I added up time served, it came to just over 7 years, so I essentially spent the majority of my 20s in jail. The only positive about jail is the gyms, I used to go every session possible. Jail strength is crazy, think the fact you do fuck all other than train, eat, rest and sleep is a recipe for success. There's crazy muscles in jail, only steroids are being used in open prisons. Poss a small amount of people get orals in normal jail, but very rare. People are more concerned with heroin, cannabis or subbutex in jail.
So back to myself, I ended up having a habit all over Xmas and into January. I'd been training up to my relapse and was so pissed off about being like 10 stone again, lost all gains, everything. Savings were blown. It was time to get off this shit, and get a methadone script.
Thats what I did in Feb. Got stable on meth and started training again. Started doing a bit a home at first, to break myself in again and cos I was ashamed to be seen in the gym looking so skinny. I was in great shape before I fuked up. Thank god for muscle memory.
I'm just skimming over most things, I could write a book just on jail experience, and another 1 on the drugs I took. Pretty sad realy, but I honestly believe I'm a better person for it, and got many years of top natty training under my belt. (gotta look at the positives lol)
So right now, I'm off methadone. Quit it at the weekend, a very slow controlled reduction was the way to go for me, I fuking hate it so it's easier to get off, imo.
Just wanted to share my exp here, to anybody with similar exp or even starting to dabble a bit, dont do it. Might be ten years later before you finally get your shit together. Much love to all similar bro's and gals. Stay strong.
Right now in bang into training and plan on entering the next EBC, love going to the gym again and started a test cycle, thats going very well.
Take from this what you want, use it as a warning to others, probably reads like that it wasn't all that bad, but trust me, at my lowest point I was sleeping in a dis used garage.
Also no way to explain heroin withdrawal when you've just been remanded again. Many people in jail commit suicide, it's no joke. Not to mention accidental overdoses and general violence that comes in that world. I personally know of people who are dead now cos of these reasons.
I'll wrap this up here, I'll end up going on forever if I dont, lol.
If anybody wants any sound advise, or any ?s feel free to ask.
BigBmajGood luck bro that done is no joke. I was on 170 mg a day for 4 years and I went down to suboxone and finally off. It was a terrible ordeal. Wanted to die about ten thousand times.
God I'm glad to be away from that shit.
I think this is the right place to ask for help in my situation. So here's a lil back ground about 5 years ago my cousin went to rehab for oxy. He came out and started lifting with me and he was clean and sober for 3 years then he met this chick who he ended up marrying after 3 mos of dating. They were volatile together. After a year of marriage he relapsed and they got divorced which was the best thing for him but he kept on using. Then about 7 mos ago I got him in the gym again and he got clean again then he met this other chick and he started using again. About 4 mos ago he said he wanted to kill himself becuase he felt he had nothing left so then he self admitted himself into a psych hospital for a 72 hr observation. He got prescribed Xanax for anxiety. He's been abusing severely. Now I have a friend who said he saw my cousin smoke some h and I know he's been hanging out with known h addicts. I just don't know how to approach this situation. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Hey man, don't know if you knew this or not but I've been clean off h for almost two years now. Shoot me a text if you want.
He needs maintenance of buprenorphine or methadone!
Opiate addiction is a life long chronic relapse remitting disease process with a neuro-bio-endo-logical basis and its almost impossible to maintain drug free state once dependence has been established!
BmT. Or MMT IS THE ANSWER to lead a healthy and productive life!
*Pm me if you want to discuss more
Gator RN also CPP PATIENT and dependent on opiate meds for almost a decade (all legal through legit medical needs)
So this is from experience and also from professional knowledge dealing with patients of similar
BigBmajI don't think you are correct.
Bupe and Done is no way to live a life. You can get off and should. Anyone can, don't tell yourself you cannot. If I could anyone can.
People on methadone or suboxone arent clean. Theyre just addicted to a different form of it
There's a difference between addicted and dependent. Addiction is abuse of a substance and dependence is controlled daily use under the supervision of medical professionals. I call anyone on maintenance therapy clean. They aren't using needles, they aren't out committing crimes, and quality of life goes through the roof. Even if their addiction relapses the time they spent on maintenance therapy was and is clean time.
Go to any 12step meeting and they clearly state being sober is being free of any mind altering chemicals.
I respectfully disagree sir. I've been both ways. I know how much harder it was to get truly clean off all mind and mood altering substances. Although I do agree it is definitely an improvement, one would still be physically, and mentally addicted, as well as dependent.
That's sounds like a cop out, what is needed is learning to live and accept life on life's terms with the god of ones own understanding, using opioids like methadone and Suboxone is a crutch for someone who is un willing to live life clean from mind and mood altering substances. I was on Suboxone for almost 3 years, my quality of life totally clean and while On a maintenance program is un comparable.
**edit read your below post and looks like you would agree lol
Haha, ya man, I couldn't agree with you more.I'm in the program too, and that's the only thing t hat has worked for me. But to each their own.
Congrats on sobriety, but my point was that addiction and dependence are not interchangeable terms. Addiction and dependence medically speaking, are as I defined above. I've been both also and am currently on suboxone. It has without doubt saved my life and turned me back into a productive member of society. Yes I agree I'm still a slave to a substance, but I know for a fact that I am clean.
spoon69I completely agree with u bro. i used for over ten years and i used hard. i was a big timer in my area and ended up doing 7 years total in and out of jail and prison by 26. I have been clean for over two years now and was lucky enough that rehab was 6 months and i was able to do it with out subs or dones but i have a lot of friends that just couldn't do it without the subs and when they don't have them they relapses harder then before they got clean so in my opinion clean is clean whether u are on subs or nothing at all. keep up the good work bro.
Ya I hear your point. Congrats on that man! I just couldn't stop going back and forth from subs to my opiate of choice.
I didn't say that anyone had to be "clean"
Thanks for your opinion and response but if you know any serious heroin users then you would know that they may still be opiate dependent but the can work and live life while not chasing street drugs!
Maintains dependence, lowers symptoms of addicts like stealing, financial struggle, IV use etc!!!
Gator
I am a former heroin addict and I strongly disagree. Methadone was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Being addicted to it is worse than heroin. And all bupe did was prolong my on and off cycle back and forth between h and bupe. Full abstinence from all drugs and alcohol, along with aa and na Mtgs is the only thing that's worked for me and countless ppl I know.
I'm sorry to hear about ur probs with methadone.
For me personally it was the best thing. Granted I only started on 40ml a day, but once I started on meth I didn't use gear once. I reduced 1-2 ml a week till down to 2ml a day then happily kicked it.
Most people say it's a nightmare but subbutex is the only other option I know of.
Meth got me off heroin and back in the gym and for that I'll be forever grateful.
That's awesome brother! I'm truly glad to hear it worked for you. In theory, that's how it's supposed to be used, and work. Unfortunately, most people go up on their dose and get suck on it and super strung out, and then it becomes harder to kick than the actual heroin. And then they just get suck in a downward spiral of hopelessness. I know ppl who have struggled with it for years, it's sad. Guess it depends on the individual case tho. The worst hell I've ever been through in my life, by far, was kicking methadone in jail.
Kicking meth in jail doesnt bare thinking about. Met people who have, said they didn't sleep for like 3 weeks.
Ive come off H a few times in jail, it's brutal, I didn't sleep for first week, takes about a month before id start feeling 'normal' even then weak as fuk.
A lot of people ive met turn to booze when they come off, that usually turns out worse for em.
Stay strong bro, I am.
Ya man I'll have 2 years clean in July. Test is my new drug of choice
Ace VenturaGood. I'm glad you posted. I completely disagreed as well but I only like to speak from experience and I've never used that shit. Yadadamean
Ace VenturaThat is a horrible cycle that he's on. The relationships sound more destructive than the drugs themselves. Sadly, and I think most addicts would agree, there isn't really much you can do but let him go through it, and make sure he knows you're available if he needs help. He has to hit his own bottom before he's going to really be willing to change. He has to change mentally first or he'll just keep going around and around, same shit over and over again. Does he still communicate with you while he's using or does just disappear for extended periods of time without hearing from him?
I stop by his house, well his moms house and check up on him. He's usually crashed out on the couch. The other day I was talking to him and then in the middle of our convo he noded off on me. He flakes on me constantly but he only lives a few blocks away so I stop by and give him shit for flaking. I tell him I'm always there for him but he usually hits me up for money when he needs something. To top it off his dad is a drunk who use to beat his mom when he was a kid so I don't know if he uses because of that or if it's something else. He was engaged before he went to rehab and she left him because he lied about the drug use. He really is on a horrible cycle I just wish he could get a hold of his demons. He hits me up for gear constantly so he can hide the fact that he uses but I refuse to give him it.
inpatient rehab , discharge to Psych!
Opiate addiction doesn't allow for "getting ahold of demons"
This use has changed him brain chemistry forever and he needs to learn professional coping skills to handle life's up's and downs without using opiates and benzodiazepines to numb his pain!
With that being said he needs a long active opiate maintainance medicine like methadone or buprenorphine (Suboxone/subutex) for life most likely!
Less then 5% of dependent opiate addicts are able to maintain abstinence!
Most deaths occur after a period of sobriety and the first dose from the relapse is to strong as tolerance drops and then the patient OD's from their previously tolerated dose!
Never give up on him; realize it is a disease and he can not make the choices himself!
Rock bottom for opiate users is death!
Only about 10-20% of pain patients become addicts, but people whom use without pain get extreme euphoria this addiction is much more prevalent!
Gator
God bless you for the forum roid noid im sure its a big help to alot of folks out there. Including me discussing addiction without fear of hate or reprisal is hard and probably why so many fail in their efforts to get clean.
Its only been a week with out beer for me. Trying to get serious about working out again to keep my mind off it. Its frustrating as hell. Work out hard and watch diet.....then binge. Basicly negating what I have just done. Ride 25 Ni on my bike....then drink a 12 pack. I need to get my head straight and just go back to AA. Sorry. Just had to vent. I can't serve 2 masters at once. Reading all these great posts here is helping. Thanks. My name is Chris and I'm an alcoholic.
Its a day to day struggle that like everything else just tskes time the longer u go the easier it gets i wont type it up here cuz its a long story but ive been there myself bro next month ill be getting my 1 yr chip u can read about my experiance in saved by the grace of god topic. If u ever need a friend or just someone to talk u off the ledge so u dont jump back into using im here for you man. That goes for anyone out there. Im there for you. Anyone can pm me anytime 24/7 ill be there if its bad enough ill give u my number in a private message so u can call me. In addiction its so easy to feel like we are alone in the world and if it werent for those people in my corner id would have never made it. Good luck God Bless and remember im here for you.
Ace VenturaGood post brother. Congrats on one year sober.
Thanks bro. Ive been blessed by god with alot of help along the way now its time to pay it forward.
I can relate. I used to plan my drug use around my days off of training. If I was due a day off, Id spend it smoking crack n heroin. Obviously this fkd my training eventually, and just went all out with drugs.
The self loathing always got me back on track. Thinking about how all the previous months, sometimes years worth of training has just been completely wasted, lost all gains and more, so thin.
Its a struggle you will have to live with my friend, I'm glad you've had a week free, so focus on that.
Id love to give you the magic words to fix you for life, but none have ever been written, its all about living a happy life for me now and I wish you the same.
Thanks. Just hit the gym after a long break due to a bicep injury(2 months off) feel great. Forgot how much of a motivator the young women are. My next test is to go to the movies this afternoon and not have a bucket of popcorn.
Picked up 3 year medallion last night. In search of a new sponsor because the guy who took me through the book didn't take his own advice.
My old lady is one of very few who know what's really good with my extra curricular activities. Truth is, I still have no desire to shoot dope or drink but I do feel somewhat like a phony... Sounds like you guys have made peace with it. What there ever a point where you weren't sure?
At first, I thought of this like it was playing with fire but now that I'm mid-cycle, my perspective has changed completely. The only real difference is that my shirts just fit a little more snugly these days...