Why do Lesbians Hate me?

Yesterday I took my boat out for a few hours for a little fun with my kids. After I was done, I pulled my boat up the ramp and out of the way of traffic and started wiping my boat down. As I was wiping my boat down, a Purple Jeep Wrangler with a 6 inch lift pulled in towing a 22’ Sun tracker Pontoon boat. I didn’t think much of it, until I noticed the name of the boat was “Sea Scissored”.
Now kids…my brain fires pretty quick when I see a name like that on a boat getting towed by a purple Wrangler. I knew that I was going to be able to witness a full on show of boat dock drama.
If you happen to own a boat, you know what I mean when I say Boat Dock drama. Without fail, at the boat dock..you will see drama. Most of the time it’s a 70 year old Husband sitting in a boat yelling at his wife as she tries to back the trailer into the water. It’s quite hilarious.
This time was no different. As the “Sea Scissored” pulled down the ramp and made a U-turn. I could tell by the driver’s inability to initially straighten the boat out, that I was in for a show. Before backing the boat, the Jeep stopped and both the driver and the passenger got out to assess the situation. The driver was in her mid-40’s and was a short stocky brown haired butch with a flat-top haircut. She had a wide ass with tight wranglers (surely a 46 inch waist) that highlighted the size and thickness of her thick juicy butch ass. When she walked, she had the waddle of a Mother duck parading around her chicks in a duck parade. Surely this particular Driver sat at the head of the table in their relationship.
The Passenger was a taller girl, late 30’s. Dirty Blonde hair to her shoulders, gauged ears, wearing a dirty whit tank top with no bra that highlighted her sagging d-cup- bologna tits that would look more at home in a National Geographic magazine. Her Barbed wire tattoo looked pretty hot resting below the words “Love is Love” She was wearing short shorts that exposed more cottage cheese than than a Golden Corral Salad Bar.
The short Bossy Butch headed for the Boat and the Blonde walked around the truck to drive..before she could climb into the Driver’s seat, Cowboy duck yelled:”Straighten the tires before you back it in.”
I don’t think the blonde heard because she stepped over to the front tire, looked at it, and kicked it and then stepped into the driver’s seat.
Watching cowboy Duck climb into the boat was hilarious. Fortunately she was motivated. Needless to say, a ladder with a rail would have made the task a little easier
Cowboy duck, moved into position in the captains seat and yelled up to the Jeep: OK! come back!
The Jeep revved a little and went forward to a hard Break ultimately shifting into reverse. As the lady tried to back the boat, the boat immediately started to Jack knife as Cowboy duck yelled “Use your damn Mirrors Glenda!”
Glenda continued to back into the Jacknife a little further.
Cowboy Duck yelled: “ Pull forward and straighten out!” Glenda put it in drive and pulled forward. Not straightening the boat all the way. I won’t bore you with the details needles to say this Jackknife and Pull forward process lasted nearly ten minutes. Each time the boat Jackknifed, Cowboy Duck got more and more pissed. She called her names like “Stupid Bitch”, “brain dead whore” and dumbass. This went on for what seemed like ten minutes. I was really starting to feel bad for the lady driving the Jeep. Had it been a man talking to his wife like that..I would have walked over and had words with him. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
Finally I felt bad, walked over to the Jeep tapped on the window and smiled. She looked at me, she was crying. I nicely said to her, “these ramps get a little tricky, I’ve been doing this for a long time and I still have a hard time getting it right. Do you want me to back that in for you so you ladies can get out on the water? With out missing a beat she yelled “Mind your own effing business muscledick”.
I was kind of stunned. I don’t know if I locked up because I didn’t expect her to yell, or if my mind couldn’t register if “muscledick” was a compliment or an insult. I took it as a compliment. She pulled up to straighten out again as I walked back towards my own boat…defeated.
I expected that from Cowboy duck..just not from Sweet Glenda.
After about two more tries, Cowboy Duck yelled to Glenda to pull forward and shut the Jeep off.
Cowboy climbed out of the boat, tied a lead rope to the pontoon, and handed it to Glenda to follow the boat while she backed it in. Just when I thought the drama couldn’t get any higher, Cowboy Duck..in her first attempt to back the boat, jackknifed the truck and boat again. Glenda yelled: “See! It’s harder than it looks! “
Cowboy Duck yelled at Glenda to eff off.
I was dying. On the next try Cowboy duck got it right and they launched the boat. Cowboy duck pulled the Jeep and Trailer forward and parked it. As she walked by me…me being the nice Ed that I am said: “Good luck Fishing.”
Cowboy Duck, out of breath from walking 60 feet, looked at me and replied: with a straight up “Eff Off.”And kept walking.
I watched as this cute couple climbed aboard the Sea Scissored and drove off onto the sunset to possibly do a scissoring of their own.
As I reflected on the situation, I was once again reminded that Lesbians hate me. I don’t know why..they just hate me. It seems that they have always hated me. Right from the go. I can’t figure it out. I get along with everyone. I get along with bi-sexual women very well. I get along with Gay Dudes (no homo). I coached a young man who now Identifies as a young woman..who I think the world of. We get along great! I try to be sensitive to most situations. Most people respect the fact that I am the acting President of No Homo North America.
But damn, for as long as I can remember, Lesbians have always hated me. I don’t know why. I’m not one of those guys who thinks they can convert a Lesbian back to liking men. I’m not into that. I truly think I give everyone a fair shake no homo.
They just hate me. I don’t know why. If you are reading this and you know why, I’d love to hear the reasoning.

All my love, No Homo
Muscledick.