Hey kids, my name is special Ed and I guess I'm just a big pussy.
Let me explain.
A few months back my company hired on a chick 10-12 years younger than me. Smoking ass hot.
"Oh shit Ed did you tap that ass?"
Nope, and that my friends is why I'm a pussy.
As most of you know, I'm a married bro, happily married at that. I've been married for quite a while and when I got married I pulled myself completely out of the game. I'm kind of that trusty ass dog that never runs away. At any rate, we hire this chick on and damn kids, not sure if I mentioned how hot she is but she is smoakin' hot. (Yes I added an a for ass)
"Damn Ed did you nail that chick?
No kids, now quit interrupting so I can finish my story.
So I'm doing my thing with life and it think to myself: "Ed, when you were single you could bag a chick like that with your eyes closed. Do you think you still have it?"
So that's my thought process, and being one who never backs down from a challenge,
I make it a personal goal to see if I can get this chick to make a pass at me.
"Oh shit Ed, you are an old man and dreaming bro!"
I know kids, but I thought it would be worth a try.
So while in working with this chick, I remove a few cobwebs off the old skill set and take myself up on the challenge.
Now for me kids, I've always found that when it comes to mega hotties that confidence and a smile can go a long ways, however there is a fine line that you have to keep when it comes to showing your interest. You see mega hotties are used to bros bowing down, buying shit, professing love, all that happy horse shit, and I am of the opinion that this kind of shit only gets a man into the friend zone. I am also of the opinion that a man needs to carry himself in a way that the lady looks at him as the challenge. This comes with slight confident advances and then walking away and waiting for them to show some interest. Not sure if that makes sense.
At any rate. What I had in my favor was all the time in the world. You see, I'm a married man with no plans of nailing this chick, just a personal challenge to see if I could get this chick smitten with a little Edward.
So time went on, I played my games and kind of forgot about the challenge. Well that was until I realize this chick wants to ride the Ed train.
Holy shit kids, about three weeks ago she kicks me this email that says "Ed, my boyfriend is gone and I am so bored! You should come over and I will fix you dinner."
"Oh shit Ed!"
Yeah I know kids. Oh shit.
So I reply with, "ah, sorry I can't my little boy has a baseball game, Maybe next time. "
"You pussy Ed!"
I know kids. I am a big bloody hatchet wound.
Little did I know that her dinner invite was just the tip of the ice berg.
No shit, almost every day this chick starts hitting me up wanting to do shit, and the more I avoid, the more she wants me.
"Bullshit Ed, she probably just wanted a buddy, and knew you were a safe bet."
That's what I thought kids, that was until the email.
"Oh shit Ed what email."
Damn so a couple of days I get this email she sends it and it has a short clip attached.
"Shit Ed what was on the video?"
Well kids I won't get into details but it was of a sexual nature.
"Oh shit Ed! That's sexual harassment and you don't have to take it!"
I know kids but as all men are.. We like sexual harassment.
"So what did you do Ed?"
I didn't do anything kids, I'm married, I have kids, and am pretty damn faithful.
"Did it stop?"
No kids it did not. My wife and kids are all out of town and I shit you not, this chick keeps telling me that she would be happy to come over and keep me company. In fact she has gone so far to say that she is coming over to my house. No asking, just coming. No pun intended.
So here I am, a big pussy, avoiding some smoking ass hot chick like a disease because I could never do that to my wife, who happens to be the only chick hot enough to get me to want to lock it down and throw away the key.
So there is a bright side. I do think that I've still got it. But the dark side... I'm too big of a pussy to do anything with it.
Have a blessed day.

All my love, no homo
Ed.