Lifting & Dating
Had to tend to personal things so been away for a while but i'm back with a mind full of Alayna type questions....
so as many of you know im single and dating.... i met 2 guys i really liked out of about 15. Neither one of them was seriously into lifting and subsequently did not have much muscle development....the one guy had good legs and im into legs so i let the soft upper body slide...the second guy was skinny with little muscular development and no legs, neither however loved working out the way i did or had the dedication to be healthy that i do. Yesterday i was at the gym, and this man, and he was a man around 43 or so, was training and he had this amazing muscle development (i cant tell if he was juicing) but i couldn't help but to admire his symmetry and the fullness in his muscles, he trained hard and was strong (i did ask him to spot me) and he just reminded me how much i love a man with beautiful muscles and how much im attracted to their strength and commitment to being in shape and healthy...which brings me to these questions:
- is it superficial to want to be with someone of a certain level of physicality
- can you really be happy dating someone who doesn't have the same dedication as you to staying in shape and being healthy.
- Can you really compromise what you're physically attracted to because someone is a great person..can them being a great person, but out of shape, really become something you're attracted to.
Thank you for your insight :0)
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oh seriously i agree and i have very broad interests too i'm not a one dimensional person so i love a man who is intelligent and capable of critical thinking and funny...funny goes a long long way
Settling by no means ever bodes well. Life is really to short to not find what you want out of it.
I'm not sure of your age, but I can say that dating period in the mid 30's is a train wreck these days. The world is a very unique place.
i totally agree ...i personally feel that social media has changed dating drastically and has caused people to actually be anti social...i actually heard a study that said in china the birth rate is "under birth" because their young people are not dating and getting married. in America we have the most single people of all the developed countries....something is def not right this much i know.
Ace VenturaForget about finding a "great person"! There are plenty of good people that you're not going to be compatible with or have chemistry with. Of course you want to be with a great person, but that can't be the only basis in which you choose your life partner. (Sorry, that is actually a huge pet peeve of mine) I think wanting someone who exercises and takes care of themselves is perfectly fine. Just imagine looking at their soft, and/or small ass the rest of your life. They sit on the couch while you go to the gym. Personally, I wouldn't be able to handle it. Find someone you can completely be yourself around.
i really liked your reply and i agree ...i would not wanna be bustin my ass to stay in shape and look good when some guy i was dating did absolutely nothing to stay in shape...i could never live with that...i also dont want a man who i have to "motivate" to workout...
I've had numerous relationships fail due to my life style , always the complaint that I go to the gym too much , I need to eat to often , I need certain amounts of water , cant miss gym sessions , cant eat that, etc etc etc. A lot of women complain their man doesn't look good and that he should take better care of himself , but when the coin is flipped they complain that you have to dedicate soo much time to being in shape and that your always too busy or needy. I guess if you do it as a hobby and don't give a shit about what you put in your mouth or if you miss days it doesn't matter , basically if you totally half ass it things will work. In my honest opinion if you don't have a similar life style it will never work I guess unless one partner totally just lays down and caves and doesn't give an opinion , but who wants to live like that? My lifestyle is exactly that a lifestyle not a hobby and I take it very seriously so if my other half doesn't agree she can get to stepping period , hence why my wife is into the same lifestyle we both compete and we have the same outlook on the lifestyle. If you truly do everything that the lifestyle calls for down to a T and follow it religiously and the other person has a total outlook on life and isn't into it eventually things will end in failure or one partner will not be truly happy and therefore neither will be happy. So I think you need to find someone who has many similarities and only a few differences when it comes to our chosen lifestyle. For once im truly happy with the woman im with and wouldn't imagine sharing my time with anyone else , in my eyes shes perfect , even tho way tend to find over food and food only which is a big part of our lives lmfao.
You just confirmed for me that i can't settle on the whole lifestyle thing ...because exactly what you wrote has happened to me only the reverse with guys telling me i eat weird, my arms are too big, i go to the gym too much, my life revolves around the gym blah blah blah...
Thank you for you response
Ace VenturaAwe, you're such a sweetheart.
I think it is actually really important! Because being fit is a lift style thing. You can tell a lot about a person's personality by their fitness life. I have broken up with guys because they were weaker then me or not as dedicated. There is also a different level of connection when you share that with a person. When you meal prep together, when you help each other foam roll, spot each other and share this crazy world of juicing lol. I would feel so lonley in a relationship without that aspect because its such a big part of my life! I couldn't imagine being without him now.
he sounds pretty awesome ;)
Oh he is ;)
Wow you described exactly what i feel im so glad you can relate! its not solely about the muscles its the sharing in this lifestyle like you describe...i almost feel like im compromising a part of myself by not honoring this truth of who i am....i dont care if the guy is not in awesome shape and has flaws, i have plenty of flaws, i just want him to love this life the way i do...i've dated guys who dissuade me from going to the gym or have said my arms or shoulders were too big or i've sat on their lap and skinny legs and felt like i was crushing them...how does that make me feel good??
thank you for posting this back to me makes me feel so much better
Oh good, I'm so glad that's what you were looking for! I tried to compromise myself for others but it just hurts you in the end. And when it works, it is so amazing!! Makes it all worth the wait. I hope you find your permenate spotter!!
Thank you Littletigar me too :0)
Call me superficial but the only thing I look for is a pulse.
Ace VenturaAnd a couple holes, I hope?
LOL!
The femoral artery.....lol??? : )
Iron_Monk1.)No!!!!!
2.)Eh...maybe but not preferably..
3.)How outta shape we talking, just love handles or full on whale blubber, thunder thighs and cankles..?
Also...
Will you marry me?
You sound like my kinda grrrl.
Juuuuuuuuust kidding...
But really..? ;)
only if you promise to not stop working out once we get married!
lol maybe u need to take this to pm
1. No
2. Yes
3. Yes
Well it's kinda different being a guy. Would I like a girl who lives the fitness lifestyle and is in great shape? Hell ya, but girls can literally do nothing and still look awesome. It's not the same as a guy, if you lift it's a totally different look that can only be attained by being dedicated to the gym life. And if that's what you're into then that's what you're into. I'm not sure exactly how to explain what I'm trying to say but I hope you understand. If you decide to go for someone who's not into it and doesn't look the part can you truly be happy with them, or will you risk fantasizing about every in shape guy you see and ultimately be unhappy. But like rolltide said personality is so important. If I'm looking for someone for a relationship they must have a good personality and click with me. If they don't I don't care how hot they are. This Is someone you're going to be spending the majority of your time with and should be your bestfriend. I've been with plenty of really hot girls, exactly what I look for looks wise, but I can't stand to be around them for more then a few hours so id never date them. But I also couldn't date someone who I'm not attracted to cause I won't be happy. So you need to find someone you're attracted to that you also click with. If not you'll never be happy.
Funny one of the guys i referred to in this post said the same thing to me as you, that its different for guys bec women basically are in good shape even if they dont do anything and that its harder for men bec they are expected to have a 6 pack to be considered "in shape" i suppose thats true but only bec men are far less critical of women than women are of each other and themselves.... men can find something attractive about nearly every women within reason. i do agree that personality is important which is why i've dated quite a few guys who have never worked out but in the end im not attracted to a man who doesn't have a certain level of muscularity....im not a big girl but i do have muscles so i guess i want a man who i dont feel i can beat up as ridiculous as that sounds...i also want a guy if i jump on him i wont knock him over...so you are right i would just be lookin at men with muscles and cheating in my mind...i guess i want a guy who trains hard and is an awesome loving person and maybe i cant truly compromise on these things and if that makes me superficial than i am :(
I used to think this is impossible. Find a girl you are attracted to and that is awesome. Took me awhile but I found her! Just have to be patient and really know what you are looking for after the physical attraction.
Honestly physical attraction is important but if I can't connect with a person on a level bigger than physical attraction it's nothing more than a fling. Imo personality and attitude is more important than looks. If looks is a that important to u your prolly bound to have meaningless relationships after another.not saying throw all your preferences on looks out but u might want to go into possible relationship with a more open mind bc u could be missing out on so much more than big muscles
i do agree with you for the most part but i think i want both a man with muscles who's an awesome person..see the difference for men is they don't necessarily want their women to have muscles and be strong and a protector they just want her to be a female lol if i was a regular girl i probably wouldn't care about him having muscles but it's too late for that!!