Lifting & Dating
Had to tend to personal things so been away for a while but i'm back with a mind full of Alayna type questions....
so as many of you know im single and dating.... i met 2 guys i really liked out of about 15. Neither one of them was seriously into lifting and subsequently did not have much muscle development....the one guy had good legs and im into legs so i let the soft upper body slide...the second guy was skinny with little muscular development and no legs, neither however loved working out the way i did or had the dedication to be healthy that i do. Yesterday i was at the gym, and this man, and he was a man around 43 or so, was training and he had this amazing muscle development (i cant tell if he was juicing) but i couldn't help but to admire his symmetry and the fullness in his muscles, he trained hard and was strong (i did ask him to spot me) and he just reminded me how much i love a man with beautiful muscles and how much im attracted to their strength and commitment to being in shape and healthy...which brings me to these questions:
- is it superficial to want to be with someone of a certain level of physicality
- can you really be happy dating someone who doesn't have the same dedication as you to staying in shape and being healthy.
- Can you really compromise what you're physically attracted to because someone is a great person..can them being a great person, but out of shape, really become something you're attracted to.
Thank you for your insight :0)
- Bookmark
- 0
- 0
We know what talks.
We know what walks.
Welcome back my dear statuesque silhouette Alayna! Always a gift when you bless us with your presence! I will, to the best of my ability, answer your questions based on over two decades of successful marrige!
- I woudnt use the word superficial as preference better describes the situation! We all have preferences and things we hold desireable! This is all to human and normal!
- Yes! My wife and I both have gym memberships! She's content taking one ore two fitness classes a week while I'm hoisting away five to six days a week! We rarely go together because of conflicting schedules but when we do she heads to the classroom and I to the weight room! But, we always go home together :))
I eat pretty much consistently clean whereas she cheats a lot!
- The last one is a tuff one! I truly believe all attractions are at first physical! My wife is a dark haired and eyed Mediterranean beauty and that is what captivated my attention! But, it's not what held my attention! I believe inner beauty and great communication are the essential factors in a long lasting relationship!
I am quite fond of you as you well know! You possess both inner and outer beauty and are a great human being! Follow your heart and something tells me that in a short time you'll be surprised beyond belief! Ti Voglio Bene Alayna! Much love always!
Hi Theo! What a beautiful welcome back...you are always such a fine gentleman Eroids is such a better place because of you.
Thank you for all the lovely compliments I am humbled
xoxo
without these any outer physical attraction is dead in the water the moment the other person speaks, maybe even before that because inner beauty shines through in just how the person carries themselves, outer looks fade but what's inside always comes out ... a shallow person that has no depth of character can't ever maintain a true relationship... these are the people that go through relationships like they are paper bags
Agreed and very well said GRRL! Very well said!
Can't change what you're attracted to.
It sounds like you are dedicated to the fitness lifestyle and would be happiest with a partner who embraces that way of life themselves. But as far as appearances go thats a different matter you should separate. It is important to be attracted to the person but as far as human beings go it is only the wrapper of the package and you will miss out on great relationship(s) with nice guys with moral character that would work hard and care and be dedicated to you and make you happy, etc if you are too hung up on looks and sift through an innumerable collection of primadonna/ self-centered turds if you limit your selection pool to 9.5-10's. Thats my humble 0.02.
It's not superficial at all. The only girl I ever seriously talked to and could see myself with was a D1 sprinter. Girl had abs for days and squatted more than most guys I know.
The physically connection needs to be there before any mental one can be had IMO.
I don't think it's superficial at all to be picky about what you want in a partner, especially if you are looking for a permanent situation.
When I was doing the dating thing, I made a list of everything I wanted in a woman. Not a small list but an extensive list of characteristics, traits, talents, likes, dislikes etc and I hit the search hard and holy shit kids I got lucky and found one women who fit absolutely everything on that list. I've been married now for a decade and a half and it has been nothing but an amazing ride.
I think if one is looking for a forever situation you need to think in those terms and not settle and get lazy in the search.
Unless of course you have the genetics of Monster666.. If that's the case settle for whatever the hell you can get.
Thank you Ed for you advice...i have tried the list thing but i have never tried it in the sense of a life long partner maybe that's my problem right there i never wish for a life long partner bec life long seems so long...i was married for a long time and i never think about getting remarried maybe it's time idk but i do think i still would wanna marry a man that shares nearly all of my likes as you describe so that i can have that amazing ride too i do not want to settle that's for sure.
so who's the lucky guy?
Don't be a smart ass Goth. He/she had the operation.
Lmfao wonder if he keeps him in the van?
My body is neary competition-ready in terms of bodybuilding, and I couldnt care less about how cut, lean and muscular a woman is, provided she isn't overly fat.
The number one criteria for me when it comes to a woman's appearance is the face. I LOVE dark hair and pretty eyes---- You're a definite "10" in that department. When I looked at your pics, it was your hair and eyes that made me say "HOLY SHIT"! ...Not your body
Just think I've been busting my ass for 28 years and all along its been these damn green eyes and my dark hair that men are attracted to... sigh ...I think i'll just go lay on the couch for a couple years now cause i need a rest.
Thank you for the compliments Goth ;)
Dark hair and eyes are pretty much kryptonite. Lol
GearofWarI'm recently single(March) and you should totally call me
J/k, kinda..Hey at least we know that our fitness goals are somewhat in-line? BUT not everything in life is about lifting but rather a healthy hobby that can be a commonality to get things started. Do you do online dating? I've been doing that since April. I've met some good women, some bad women, and some women that are nuttier than woodchuck turds. I've actually found that the women I'm most attracted to are the ones that are into physical fitness, but not necessarily the health nuts with next to no BF and totally ripped-it is nice but unrealistic for me to expect a lady that looks like that to be interested in me so I go for the total "girl next door types" with brown hair, or I seem to have a lot of interaction with redheads..it's weird but they're attracted to me? But anyhow. Alayna, you've definitely hit to just meet people and figure out what you can tolerate or not. Besides the right person will light up your world like no other and there won't be a question about nice legs or soft upper bodies lol.
Thank you Gear! i'm newly a red head ;)
GearofWarUh-oh! I'm currently in a FWB situation with a redhead. Never thought I'd be in that type of situation before but it's been fun. I've got the weakness for redheads.
AnonBaby sometimes the opposites attract give him a chance just to see you will know soon enough
And I understand everything you have said above but also agree with my boy pale rider
Number one is they gotta accept you for you and respect your love of fitness other wants and needs or kick rocks
now too bad some awesome woman already swept you up ;)
Alayna, even here on Eroids, some of the best and strongest couples both are heavily into this lifestyle. My marriage is no different. If only one of us was having to get up on Saturday and Sunday morning to get to the gym it would surely cause conflict eventually. The inevitable "why?". When we both live it there is no question we just do it.
Sure it is completely possible you could meet a guy that isn't into the gym life and be blown away by him in other ways. But the best odds of you happiness IMO are with someone that shares your goals.
BTW, you never said whether the 43 year old guy is single? If he is maybe you can start working out with him a little bit and find out what else is wrong with him and whether or not you can deal with him. lol
Thank you Pale Rider for your inspiring response...it basically confirms what I believe...
since you asked about the 43 year old maybe you and the other men can give me advice on that situation..
I do not know if he's single bec I have never talked to him before except to ask him to spot me which he willing obliged and then introduced himself as Steve (hopefully Steve isn't on eroids) I thanked him emphatically and we went about our workouts...he seemed a little shocked that I asked him to spot me actually I think he was shocked that I was speakin at all lol anyway I don't see him often he is new at the gym but I really feel this incredibly strong attraction to him from the first time I saw him so do you think it would be ok if I asked him to go have a protein drink together or tea together? or should I live by that rule "if a man is interested he'll pursue you" I await your reply
If you don't feel comfortable being the aggressor then make small talk until he catches the hint.
I personally love when a girl is aggressive and makes a move. My two serious girls both pursued me. So I say go for it
mikeyg4321Hell yea agressive girls for the win! Lol only met two girls like that in my life.
Yea, you could do that. As a guy I don't think he would mind,lol. Or you could just make some small talk when you ask him to spot you again and see how much Intel you can father that way.
ok well i'm gonna listen to the two of you so any advice on how i should ask him out would be greatly appreciated...i tend to be very shy when i like a guy so would take all of my balls to ask him out in fact I've never asked a guy out ...so lets say i ask him to spot me benching and this time i really impress him and bench a plate on each side...do i get up and be like oh hey steve would you like to grab a protein drink some time?
Tell him to join eroids and have him post pics so we can judge if he is good enough for you lol
lol i love that idea! wouldn't surprise me if he's already on here
mikeyg4321Def go for the compliment. I always turn red and get embarrassed or however you call that when I get a compliment from a girl especially if I find her attractive. Lol
ok well im gonna take all you guys advice and throw out the compliments not overdone of course just enough to make him blush lol
Well you should definitely learn to be as creepy...or if you'd like to feel good and call it observant that's fine too...as guys haha. Check that finger for a ring.
If there's no ring or tan line then just casually ask what he does for his post workout meal after your set. He could eat or have a shake doesn't matter. And after his response just drop the "well if you're up for it I'd like to join you sometime" again word it however you feel most comfortable
ok Ted he has no ring on I creeped on that already lol but most ppl don't wear their ring at the gym...
I was thinking of complimenting him on his amazing physique bec he does have a beautiful body and he wears glasses which somehow makes him seem harmless....is that bad to compliment him?
I know I can only speak for me personally but guys who lift are like girls with compliments a when it comes to our physiques.
But definitely ease into it. Try and ask how long he's been into lifting. That way whether he says his whole life or only a few years you can respond with telling him how good he looks and depending on how long that it doesn't surprise you to learn he's been at it for awhile or impressive he looks so good in short time
No, we love compliments! Are you kidding? Lol. You could work that in. How about " how long have you been working out for, you are in pretty awesome shape".
LOL ok i will say that....since both you and Ted agree....
thank you both i will keep you posted
Hahaha the fact we post the same thing simultaneously will probably give you a little more confidence Alayna
Lmao! Truth!
You could just say, "so Steve, you seem pretty cool, what's your story?" Simple , straight forward and leaves you a wide open out..
so i saw steve today i nearly didnt decognize him today because he wasnt wearing his glasses...i didnt talk to him bec he was doing abs...he did see me but i just kept goin...so i have anothr question that maybe you and Ted can answer....the fact that i asked him to spot me even though i dont know him, when there clearly were other guys i could have asked; as a man would you think in yr mind that maybe i liked you?
That's tough. A one time thing could just go through your head as oh I must've looked most approachable or something to rationalize why you were the guy she asked. Twice isn't a coincidence even for the most skeptical like myself.
But he more than likely already thinks there is definitely a reason you picked him to spot you over everyone else
Hmmm this is so awesome getting insight from the men themselves.....well I might have to go with the asking him twice thing ;)
thanks Ted
I would certainly be questioning if you liked or were interested in me if I was him. Now, I will also say as one of the biggest dudes at my gym that a lot of people have asked me for a spot. It doesn't have to mean anything extraordinary and usually doesn't.
It was kind of a smart move not talking to him yesterday. He knows you were there and he is probably thinking about you. I know I certainly would be.
ok good I thought playing it cool and not sweating him was good too don't wanna be throwing myself at him either ya know.... he is def not one of the biggest dudes...he's not small but there are many guys his size at the gym....
well I hope yr right I would hate to be that creepy girl.... i'm not very good at letting a guy know I like him...I put it out there, like little crumbs but then pull back until he bites...this might now always be the best plan of attack lol but i'm trying to be more open and throw out bigger crumbs with a little sugar on them.
Thank you for your advice has been priceless to me
I know men like things straight up ? what do you think about what I just wrote to Ted
^this is also a great option.
Your tan line suggestion is spot on as well.
I know for me whether it be busines or personal I like to let people talk. You can really judge people fairly accurately just by their words and mannerisms while talking.
The pickier you are; the lonelier you will be. Women are known to date a man and after quite some time they attempt to "mold" them. In some cases if a guy really likes you he will conform to your demands. You will always find flaws in a person. The best thing to do is not lower your standards but be more open minded. I gave up being superficial many years ago because no matter how hot you are or how in shape that will change due to this thing called aging. As long as they respect what you do and make an effort to help themselves to get in shape then that should be all that counts. No one wants to date a fat out of shape person. So a great person who loves you for you or cares about you is what you need to concentrate on; not whats on the outside. Let's say for a moment a bad accident happens or something that makes you not be able to workout anymore; would you break it off with that person? How would you feel if the roles were reversed?
I def absolutely gauge a person by the person they are but there has to be something that you're physically and sexually attracted to that separate them from lets say your sister or brother....I agree about the getting in accident and the whole aging thing 100% i wouldn't stop loving someone if they were sick or injured but we're talking about the initial attraction and chemistry that makes you wanna kiss a man passionately and then get to know him from there....
absolutely, physical attraction is important but when the looks fade you better know how to hold a conversation lol