posted Wed, 06/24/2026 - 18:48
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+ 6 Life is beautiful
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Some time with my dog in nature makes it all make sense.
I was having some issues and it very well may have been using reta, it can cause depression. Off it now and feeling better.
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Glad you are feeling better buddy
Why the hell are you using Reta - you are already naturally very lean??!!
Body dysmorphic crap no doubt.
Still trying to please my father like im that 12yo kid that was fat.
You need to give your head a shake mate - Appreciate everything you have around you already and enjoy your life
Doing my best brother, currently micro dosing magic mushrooms. Using a little nicotine in form of pouches, some prayer and meditation.
It got really dark for a while.
I'm still interested in ketamine therapy in a clinical setting, and or doing an iboga retreat if I can afford it.
I'm 30 and been dealing with depression my whole life, after watching one of my closest friend die right before me last year theres been some ptsd as well.
I've done tons of therapy but its not given me relief.
I'm ready to invest in some heavy guns to help.
Some men can bounce back from that kind of thing without the ongoing experience, but unfortunately I still see him every day. It will be one year since he died on the 26th. 2 days.
What did he die from buddy?
We were working together and he went up in the lift truck to cut some trees, and the lift truck tipped over and he was slammed from 70ft.
It tore down the 13kv powerline he was going over, and it was only by the grace of god that I survived by being far enough away from the truck not to be electrocuted.
I stayed with him for over an hour as he died, first responders refused to enter the area because of the downed powerline. It was a nightmare.
I can totally see how you are having a hard and very tough time trying to deal with that memory mate, it's extremely unfortunate that he died in that way and that you had to see him suffering for that long. I cannot think of anyone in life that wouldn't be horrifically upsetting for. I personally think that the way you should view it is that it is a very special memory and period of time that you and him shared together, something that most humans will never come close to having. Its not something that you should continually dwell on and try as hard as you can to remove from your memory - Try to accept that it happened and there was nothing anyone could have done to change the outcome or to have been able to see the incident coming.
You were the last person he ever saw or spoke to pal and I am sure that if he had a choice of anyone else there it would have been you. Accept it mate and don't try to block it out, But also appreciate that you must move on with your own life and enjoy what time or indeed any of us have left. All this isn't gonna go on forever buddy - Pumpin Steroids, lifting weights, Chatting on eroids etc etc One day it will all end for every single one of us and every day you wake up is a day less you have in the diary - Don't waste it mate dwelling in the past over things you cannot change or that you wish hadn't happened. Thinking or acting like this does not mean that you think any less of him
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace..."
Its complicated as memories can be.
I feel like the first responders failed him.
He was an awesome person, truly.
All of us that remember him will call him a jolly Neanderthal. A beast of a man, with rosy cheeks.
I'm glad he wasn't alone.
Still doesnt remove that trauma. He went limp in my arms. That was one of my best friends, my big brother. That kind of experience in my head was reserved for soldiers. But I lived it.
June 26, I'm throwing a celebration of his life.