gf not interested
I never thought this would happen but...
Me and the mrs been with each other for coming up to four years we got a beautiful daughter together.
We split up for six months and got back together only just a couple of months ago, everything was more than perfect, sex was amassing... but in the past month shes gone completely cold on me, every time I try to I initiate sex she makes up an excuse, too tired being the most popular.
I mean its really getting to me now im four weeks into my cycle and cant handle wanking in tbe front room while my gf sleeps I feel like such a fucking loser.
I dont think shes sleeping with anyone else she dont get the opportunity and I trust her.
How do I go about this? Ive already said how I feel and she just starts an argument and tells me to leave im so fucking confused.... anyone?
Happy new year by the way x
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I'm alpha male and divorced, but sometimes you just have to take it in a good way of course. Telling her how u can't stop thinking about her how sexy she is, how much she turns you on... While kissing her and kissing on her neck. Everybody wants to feel wanted.
There's always roofies or chloroform too. U have options here bro!!
she is probably trying to tell you that she is not happy with where things are going, whenever they are upset about something the first thing they do is cut off the sex supply :P, at least in my experience, hopefully everything works out for you brother
AnonMaybe you never fixed your original problem for splitting up and jumping back into the relationship pretending everything was great again wasn't the best way to go? maybe step up to the plate and try to fix the original issues you had to actually better your relationship.
Maybe she's wanting a ring brother.....
Haha she has mentioned it a few times but im just not ready for it yet... I suppose we coukd get engaged and see hiw that works out... have the wedddin in a few years if all gos well.
Weve been talkint on phone today and she mentioned how she thinks shes put on weight... I think it judt maybe a self concious thing
Lol. I don't suggest jumping into marriage just to get a little tang. Just might be one of the reasons. That's the kind of shit you need to talk out. Brother, communication is key. Kick the games to the curb and figure shit out.
Help her feel pretty, make it comfortable. The ladies can be terribly self conscious. They can be pretty damn hard on themselves.
That's probably your answer. Women's self perception of their body image often changes after having children. My wife spent a couple of years telling me she was fat etc, she may have lost a lot of self confidence. Got to build her confidence up.
There's also the fact that she now has two roles to play, mother and girlfriend. Like it or not, we move down the priority list when children arrive. It's hard being a mother to a child and a lover to your partner. It's more complicated for women. Us guys are happy to have a row and shag the same woman five minutes later, not the same on their part usually.
Got to make her feel special again. If she's put on a little weight, make sure she knows you still find her attractive. I preferred it when my wife gained half a stone, it all went in the right places ;)
Good luck, hang in there.
CleyonFour years and a baby... You may be on to something.
AnonYes he may be right about the ring, but as I said in my other thread if shes using sex for leverage its time to show her the door, not take the commitment deeper.
If shes just bummed out then this guy should be able to do some of the things weve all suggested and bring things around
I don't know bro, if we all kicked women to the curb for using sex as a leverage, its likely we'd all be single forever.
She may be at a point where she is not willing to make any more emotional committment until she knows that he's in it for the long haul. This isn't something that he should assume and go out and buy a ring so that he can get laid again. He needs to feel it out ask her about it. Then do the serious reflecting.
Anonwell your blurring things a little.
Witholding sex in my book is a no no, if she wants something or is mad about something then she needs to and should be able to vocalize it. If her best answer is to cut off sex then hes in for years of a crappy sexless mariage .
If shes hesitant about her emotions thats another thing, and before the ring comes out a little effort on his part will be well worth it to see how she responds.
only one woman I was ever with tried to withold sex to get what she wanted, and that relationship ended that night.
Oh yeah, Ive got another big problem with this guy just giving this girl a ring, hes only 24 !!!!!
CleyonHe's only 24? So what! He's old enough to live with her and have a daughter with her, but in your mind too young to get married?
I'm sorry, but I think that's one of the worst problems in this world. People treating relationships like a type of food. "I'll try it out and see if I like it" In my opinion, if you like her enough to have a kid with her, and live with her, then it is encumbant upon you to do your damndest to make it work. That doesn't mean it always will, but if you treat your relationships like a pair of shoes then you are doing a disservice to yourself and your family.
X1000 Here^^^& to Ed's post below
I personally think that big enough boy to have a kid with someone, then you better damn well make sure that the baby has a man for a father. That takes some manly committments.
AnonNo one is saying to treat it like a pair of shoes. I think 24 is too young to be having kids too, but accidents happen and some people get it fixed some people live with and adapt, that doesnt mean someone should slip and accidentaly get married too.
I take another point of view, the problem today is not that people dont take the commitment seriously, but rather not serious enough, and if you are getting married at 24 then you havent thought it through.
Most people have hardly started a career, let alone are in a position to support a family. The economics of todays world just dont allow it, and then you have women working in stead of raising their children because they cant afford to live on one salary. Then we have a world full of kids who were raised in a day care, which is a whole other argument we could have.
If this fella is financialy stable, can support his wife and daughter, thinks that he has a strong relationship, then maybe, but how many people can say that at 24 ?
I'll tell you what, I was in a relationship for four years from 21-25 and I thought I was just so in love, but if I had married that girl I promise you Id have been in divorce court by now.
So the problem today with the absurdly high divorce rates isnt that people are waiting too long to commit, its that they are commiting without having thought things through, withought being stable themselves, and without having the level of maturity and wisdom to make a relationship work.
CleyonI was going to reply in PM, but then I couldn't because you got banned! I agree with you in part, I just believe that once you have a child together it is incumbant upon both parties to put away the childishness and commit 100%. Look at it as a unified front, you two against the world. Decide that you are going to do whatever it takes to make it work. Hope to see you back soon Novi, then you can PM me and tell me what you did!
CleyonGet home from work early. Clean the house, and cook her dinner (don't take her out to dinner, cook it!) Make her feel special. Then don't expect sex, it might not happen that first night, but turn it into a habit, and it will make a difference.
Yea you fucked something up at some point. You just gotta do a bunch of stupid shit you don't want to, buy random shit and flowers and nonsense like that. Been there done that. It's easier without them but at the same time doesn't feel right :/
fck this is just like me, with my first gf i always wonder why she would nvr give it up, found out she was cheating and sleeping with one of my so called friend.
you know what they say if the sex is not good then the relationship sucks... those are warning signs my brother.
Women want stability. If she thinks something isn't right it can shut her down. It could be anything from are we going to be able to pay our bills to the kid isn't in the right class at school.
They usually take on the bulk of the responsibilities of maintaining the home. Add a child to the mix plus she works and she actually could be constantly tired. Try giving her a break and see if that helps.
Some women really aren't interested in sex because of the way they look or because their hormones are tanked. They are the most interesrd in sex between days 12 and 15 of their monthly cycle with day 1 being first day of period. Oral contraceptives suppress ovulation and the increased interest in sex during this short period. If her estrogen and testostosterone levels are low then it just compounds the problem.
Keep in mind that if the problem is the pill and she stops, then days 12-15 are not only the period when she is most interested but also the time when pregnancy is most likely.
Whatever you do, don't try and adjust her test levels on your own. Find a doc in your area that specializes in female bio identical hormone replacement.
Good luck.
A very well written response and it covers most of the bases.
Also, take into consideration a slightly more philosophical viewpoint; whereby a woman's vagina is a metaphor for embracing her homely environment - the neater and well organised her surroundings are, generally, the more cleaner her vagina is. Overall, women like to ensure that their environment surrounding them evokes a positive emotion, if one aspect of her local environment isn't how she wants it to be/how she envisages it to be, then mentally she is challenged and her mind is focused on that particular issue.
To provide a wholesome answer, we take into account the male penis; this organ erects itself and lends itself to others. It stands up in a progressive nature; this is a metaphor for how a males environment is generally concerned with expanding themselves, whether it be in their career progression or in a special area of interest.
Well said. You have obviously been around the block a few times.
On the note of a woman's libido;
Take a look at a women's menstrual cycle, you notice that its over a 28 day period, whereby women's oestrogen and other hormone levels are constantly fluctuating.
Day 1 to 7 Is when her period starts and is possibly the period where you will receive the least amount of sex. During this period oestrogen levels are low as her period approaches. Meaning that you will have less natural lubrication in the run up to the start of your period and it might take a little bit more effort to get her in the mood. Hence why I believe she can't last as long as you. (Might be worth keeping a bottle of lubricant close by for weeks like this.)
Day 8 to 14 Is usually when she is feeling horny as hell! This is when your body will get ready to release another egg so it is also your most fertile- so be careful! Those peaking oestrogen levels are starting to rise at this point as her body gets ready foetal production. This is not only when she will experience the best orgasms and the highest sex drive, but she will also attract the attention of more men. (So keep her locked in during this period - Research has proven that men are drawn to ovulating women - which is strange considering the thought of actually producing a baby makes most men sprint for the border.)
Day 15 to 21 Will see oestrogen levels start to drop. Ovulation usually occurs at around Day 14 meaning high sex drive will only continue for a few days after this so make the most of it.
Day 21 to 28 Progesterone levels will have taken over by this week. You might not notice but this can make her voices become deeper (Like Barry White).However towards the end of this final week another period is on its way and most women will start to feel bloated, moody and far from sexy. But don't worry- the whole cycle starts again in a few days.
Has she cheated?
Many women who 'open up' (referring to one-night stands, losing a loved one, or anything which evokes some sort of emotional scarring) too soon find that they similarly 'close-up' emotionally too soon. The evidence for this is through the simple cause and effect theory (The Causality Phenomenon), substantiated by the fight or fly response paradigm (W. B., Cannon), whereby once an individual opens up (in this context, i am referring to sexually opening up) and find that they have been hurt or rejected as a result of their ability to embrace sexual contact will result in an primordial instinctive nurture, whereby her innate ability to 'open-up' (referring to instigating in sexual intercourse) will be scarred - this is a possible reason why she is not able to orgasm.
I must also urge to critically analyse yourself prior to aiding your wife. Since your knowledge towards the subject may be limited, and unclear in origin - thus resulting in an unclear knowledge and understanding, which will translate into some sort of clouded reasoning to your wife.
Damn I HATE that shit. Your not the only one, my girl constantly did that 6 mos ago and we got through it, but ya man she is probably minorly depressed, and does she take ANY medication? Because my girl did and that was what took her sex drive away completely. Also, when was the baby born? If it was recently, women get depressed after giving birth
She use to take anti depressents when she was in her teens but nothing since. Baby was born 15 months ago.
And no medication.. tanks for ur input buddy
AnonX2..tottally agree, its easy to say "shes cheating on you", but relationships and women's hormones are a lot more confusing than that
Haha yes! I learned that the hard way!
Anonme too.. many times over again, after my wife had our son though, its doesn't even cross my mind..to many more important stuff to worry about
Is she on birth control cuz depot will lower her sex drive.It hard to say but when your on test u need her the hell with jacking off everyday .I did this one night my wife refused I just jack off next to her drop a load on her thigh fuck straight savage shit she didn't talk to me for a week but she got my point
I would like to point out an observation. When you said "everything was more than perfect" that was your perception of the relationship not the reality.
Relationships don't go from perfect to bad over night. There is a fundamental break down along the way. If it were me I would come straight out and say, one your not always tired, two you are lying and becoming defensive every time I try to find out the real reason, and three I am not going to beg with hat in hand or chase you for the truth when you owe me that much if you want to stay with me. So now I will assume you don't therefore good bye. I will guarantee you that if you come off feeling sorry for yourself in front of her or try to get her to feel guilty and sympathetic for you she will be even more disgusted. I am not saying that this is what you are doing or will do. But men should be direct, just, and fair. But never beggars! Good luck I hope for the best for you, just giving my .02.
AnonYea don't jump right to thinking shes cheating on you, I just asked my wife what she thought about your dilemma, she said women go through periods like that all the time, women are more prone to depression than men.
AnonCome straight out and ask her "What the hell is going on"?, she might have a good reason actually
Ive done that. She just claims its the stress of x mas... we'll see in a couple of weeks
The signs are all there. Well not all but I see two very big RED flags. The resistance to intimacy. Women like to feel loved. What makes them feel loved? Affection, closness, and things of that nature. The fact that she is shunning you is a red flag to me. Not because she is not interested, but the timing of it. Women get mad and could withold sex for weeks, months to prove a point. But the fact that you recently got back together and everything started out fine tells me that she has a different reason for behaving this way. Was she with another guy when you split? Any chance she still has contact with him? It sounds to me like a classic love triangle. You split up. See other ppl. She gets a new man. Starts missing you. You get back together. She's into you again. Starts missing him. Witholds sex and acts like a bitch toward you. You follow me? Second RED flag, the fact that she's quick to fight and tell you to leave when u fight. If she sounds serious and cold about it (not just your typical fighting language) then maybe she really wants you to say "fuck you im leaving". I don't know you or her but this situation is all too familiar. Is there anything you're leaving out? Did you fuck up really bad? What caused your break up? Was she with another guy? You with another woman? Does this come up in your fights? In other words is she bitter about something with another woman? Do u fight with her about another man?
We split because I didnt make time for her and our daughter. .. was more interested in myself.
Now all I do is work and family time.
No other men or woman are braught up into convo... infact we both make jokes about the people we dated lol.
Although the whole situation could be solved if I wait it out... she told me she been so stressed wih x mas an all that shit.
And no we actually never spend an evening alone or go out with out our terror.
Thanks for ur reply
AnonThats a hard question to answer, but the most obvious thought if you think she is faithful, is that shes not feeling loved or appreciated at the moment.
When is the last time the two of you went out to dinner alone ? You mentioned a child, has having the child stopped all alone time except when your in bed ? If so you need to figure a way out to have at least a night or nice afternoon together , giving her a night off as mom.
We never go out alone anymore.. I miss those days lol... and yea the only time we have is when our daughters asleep
AnonWell youve got to fix that pronto ! You get a sister a mother what ever you have and trust to baby sit the girl this Friday night and you take your girl out for dinner and whatever else. Youll get laid either that night or next morning.
AnonSerious question here brother... Have u ever made her squirt? I dont mean come i mean SQUIRT!?
I make my girl squirt all the time. I have puddle in my bed.
AnonHah yeh it gets like that huh bru! I mean i THOUGHT id made women squirt up until i learnt to do it properly ;)it never fails bro lol!! Lol fk bro were at the stage now where ive got a dick in her arse a tongue in her ear AND my fingers up her cunt bro my girl squirts like a fkn hose!! They all do! Ya just gotta know eh ;)
Communication is key talk to straight up.find out what's going on.or just move on.
AnonI would confront and demand an answer. Something is wrong.
Anonbut jerking off is mandatory while on even with a nympho GF
Though situation bro. If i was u and really need to bust a nut i'll let her know that if she can give it to me i can go find it somewhere else. But this is just my humble opinion u can do whatever the fuck u wanna do bro(hodge twins style ya dig). Happy new year. And if eveything else fails, there is always Porn and ur favorite hand(either left or right) they r never tired no headches and always willing to take care of u ;).. Lol
Shes a tough girl.. if I said I can find it some where else she would kick me out lol. ... but I can get it else where just dont want to tqke that step yet arrr
Here is my 2 cents. She either started to see/talk to someone else and lost interest in u or she is paying u back for some shit that previously did to her and she just wanna irritate the crap out of ur ass. Best thing u can do is talk about this shit. Is got to be frustrated as fuck.
Cheers bro maybe im just bein over the top... hopefully she sorts it out for my little fellas sake lol
Look up the signs of cheating bro. Sorry to say but that is two of the first signs of cheating. You never know bro she could just have other shit going on but I would be a lil skeptical. Or talk with her bout for real tell her what's going on and ask her to tell what's REALLY going on.