Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler...with himself inside.
Chuck Norris can strangle a person with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can copy and paste on a typewriter.
Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris
Yeah and unfortunately you and I live close to him and ours is through the roof! I even have an extra Chuck Norris bonus on my policy, every year that passes that I didn't get killed by Chuck, I get 100 dollars back. When I go in to renew they have this OMG look on their face like they can't believe I'm still here! Lol
lmao, yea I had to opt out of that policy cause it was to expensive. Lady told me because I watch Walker Texas Ranger re-runs that it puts me at higher risk of heart attack so health insurance went up too!
It's kinda like a drug man, it's all fun and games at first but then you wake up 4 weeks later and you've lost 10lbs and are trying to pawn your kids bicycle for money to pay the cable bill so you don't miss an episode.
Yuuup, thats when Chuck gotta hold on you! Once he gets in your head you'll sell your chirdren into slave trade if thats what it takes to keep the Fin Chuck comin!
This made me chuckle!
Okay u take it that's the best one I have seen so far lmao
Who would win in a fight chuck Norris or god trick question chuck Norris is god
when chuck norris does a push he doesnt go up the earth moves down
tread-mNothing like the classics..."Chuck helped build the cabin he was born in".
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals chuck Norris allows to live
Last one I promise. Chuck Norris once did steroids, and the pills got stronger.
My last one and I'll stop.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down and gets the info he wants
Lol. You're going bat shit stealing them all. There's actually a few of these threads.
Death once had a near- Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasnt built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, he just ate a jeep.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks the closet for chuck Norris.
LMFAO!!!! one day chuck norris will fight van damme, that day is called armageddon!
Van Damme is a pussy that got his ass kicked when he was in his prime by a NY cab driver.
Chuck Zito was the guy who kicked his ass and I dont think he was a cab driver.
it was actually his bodyguard who bashed him but ok mate thanks for the info!!! heaps good chuck Norris joke mate!!!
Superman and chuck Norris fought once on a bet. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants forever.
tread-mSame shit happened to batman, wonder woman, oh mighty Isis, Cat woman....just sayin, Chuck ain't got no damn suit nooka!
beavisI once called Chuck by the name Charlie and he ripped off my arms and legs.... Now I type with my nose.
AnonChuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Superman wears Chuck Norris pj's.
tread-mChuck Norris does not need a watch, he decides what time it is.
TxBigBoyChuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler...with himself inside.
Chuck Norris can strangle a person with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can copy and paste on a typewriter.
Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris
tread-mYeah and unfortunately you and I live close to him and ours is through the roof! I even have an extra Chuck Norris bonus on my policy, every year that passes that I didn't get killed by Chuck, I get 100 dollars back. When I go in to renew they have this OMG look on their face like they can't believe I'm still here! Lol
TxBigBoylmao, yea I had to opt out of that policy cause it was to expensive. Lady told me because I watch Walker Texas Ranger re-runs that it puts me at higher risk of heart attack so health insurance went up too!
tread-mLol...thats funny as hell! I watched a Chuck Norris Marathon on AMC and lost 6 pounds of muscle and developed a twitch!
TxBigBoyIt's kinda like a drug man, it's all fun and games at first but then you wake up 4 weeks later and you've lost 10lbs and are trying to pawn your kids bicycle for money to pay the cable bill so you don't miss an episode.
tread-mYuuup, thats when Chuck gotta hold on you! Once he gets in your head you'll sell your chirdren into slave trade if thats what it takes to keep the Fin Chuck comin!
tread-mThe only person that cried at Chuck Norris' birth was his Doctor, nobody slaps Chuck Norris!
dansta123chuck norris has braille on his boots so even blind people will know whats coming
tread-mWhen Alexander G. Bell invented the telephone he had 2 missed calls from Chuck Norris!
tread-mChuck Norris was supposed to star on the show man vs wild but the network did not want children to think it is safe to eat lava!
I like that one !
Chuck Norrises tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried
dansta123nobody is perfect.chuck norris is nobody!
dansta123Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
tread-mHellz yeah he can!
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life
tread-mChuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky!
dansta123There is no evolution chart only a list of animals chuck dosent round house kick
Northern Gearchuck norris and superman wagered an armwrestling match...loser has to wear tight underwear ontop of his pants for life...needless to say...
dansta123If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
TxBigBoyChuck Norris can slam a revolving door...
Chuck Norris went on holidays to the Virgin Islands.
Now there just called the Islands.
1.When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
2.If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
3.Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
little known fact: Chuck Norris was in the movie Star Wars - he was "The Force"
I was going to work one day in the 90's and they were filming a Chuck Norris Show in my parking lot.. very cool.
If you have 1 dollar and Chuck Norris has 1 dollar. Chuck Norris has 2 dollars.
tread-mThats funny! Had no heard that one....