7gothic's picture
7gothic
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+ 27 HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE ADDICTED TO STEROIDS.

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Steroid addiction is a major concern to some people. It's the main reason why I just use them 24/7/365---that way I don't have to worry about it.
But some people are actually petty enough to be concerned about their health, and are afraid they could become dependent upon these powerful compounds.
So I've compiled a list of warning signs that could indicate that you may have a problem::

***You've made funeral arrangements ahead of time to be buried in a Golds Gym Tank Top, and have instructed the undertaker to embalm you with synthol so you'll still have a pump after your blood is drained. Next to your casket is a video player showing PR lifts in the gym, highlights from your best bar fights, and interviews with family and friends saying how massive you became and what an asshole you were.

***You have a desire to tell EVERYONE you meet that you're on gear and how their fucked-up miserable life would be so much better it they would just grow some balls and get on gear too.

*** you want to experiment with the smallest guy in the gym, just to see how big you can make him by putting him on gear and shooting him with massive doses that are three times higher than yours.

***You smack your wife in the face when she asks if you may possibly be addicted to steroids.

*** You smack your children in the face when they ask if you may possibly be addicted to steroids,

**You'd rather pin *Your ass than nail your wife's ass.

***You develop "roidar"..the ability to instantly detect another guy in a crowd who's also on gear, and automatically puff your lats out to get that little push on your arms so that garden-hose bicep vein increases another inch in diameter.

***You wonder what it would be like to see your dog, cat, or goldfish on steroids, and actually shoot small amounts into them until one day you're sitting at the police station trying explain why your cat just mauled a Pit Bull and an animal control officer to death.

***You sit in Church and PRAY for steroids, being extra careful not to get caught taking money out of the collection plate....for steroids.
You're convinced God is going to provide you with steroids, because even though he may let children starve in Africa, there's no way in Hell he's going to allow you to get small.

***You use steroids to counter every argument with your wife or girlfriend. Whenever she makes a valid point, you simply come back with.."OH, YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE I'M ON STEROIDS, BITCH"!
.......or, when pulled over by a cop for speeding..."YEAH RIGHT..THE ONLY REASON YOU PULLED ME OVER IS BECAUSE I'M ON STEROIDS--JUST WRITE THE FUCKING TICKET, PATROL BOY". (they hate it when you call them "patrol boy").
.......or, when fired from your job for stealing from the break room refrigerator...."FUCKING ASSHOLES...I NEED TO EAT!!...I'M ON GEAR YOU CUNT"!!!

***You display all of you gear on a specially-built mantle in the living room, right under the plasma T.V., so that anyone visiting can see all 569 vials..all with labels facing forward, and halogen spotlights illuminating them like wedding bands at Kay Jewelers.

Don't be addicted people... There's more to life than anabolic steroids.
I have no idea what it is, but I'm sure there's something.

ScorchedEarth's picture

Good read, good laugh... +1

irongame427's picture

Holy shit I fucking love you bro.

mrmanip's picture

LMAO hit the nail in the head about being able to spot anyone else in the gym on roids lol.

You also know your addicted to roids when you love the smell of TNE more then your wifes perfumes

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Bigman111's picture

Lmao, that was a well needed laugh today