Come clean bitches, we have all done it, we have all shit in our jeans on more than one occasion. More than likely within the last couple of years. It's natural, we all shit, some hit the toilet some hit their drawers, some do both. Please share your stories.
I'll start with mine.

So about a month ago, I have a dinner that I have to attend. During this dinner, I was to be recognized with a couple others for an achievement. For conversation sake lets say for killing the most hookers in a Grand theft auto contest. You know one of those types of dinners. It was a black tie event and yes, I looked damn good at it.
As some of you may know, I have been on a pretty insane diet for reasons that I'd not like to talk about at this time, needless to say, I hadn't eaten in a couple of days. (I know bitches, don't lecture me on catabolism. It already haunts me.)
So I'm sitting there at my table and we are given food choices. I choose the swordfish. Figured it would kick my ass, and I'd pick through everything else.
The people bring out the food. It smelled so damn good. My fish looked excellent, there were various vegetables and shit along with some flowers (Why the hell they were on the plate is something I'll never understand. They tasted like...Flowers. Not food.)
So I pick at the food, setting aside my roll and anything that remotely resembled a carbohydrate and began digging into the swordfish. It was delicious. Holy shit it was good. I took my time, picked at it and ate as I visited with the others at my table. About 10 minutes into the eating, I feel this rumble in my belly, a rumble that shook my entire bowel. I wasn't worried, I hadn't shit in 3 days, and figured it was because of a lack of food in my system. I felt a fart come on and knowing with the loud noise, and the music, and strong aroma of food, that I would be able to get away with a nice healthy fart. So I slowly shift my leg and squeeze off a what I hoped would be a nice fart....but suddenly panic hit as I realized that the methane transformed itself into a juicy lumpy uncontrolled shit.
OH SHIT! I JUST SHIT MY PANTS! AND IN ABOUT TEN MINUTES, I'll BE STANDING IN FRONT OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WITH SHIT RUNNING DOWN MY INCREDIBLY TONED LEG!
Without skipping a beat, calmly I stand up, excuse myself from my party as I stuffed my dinner napkin into my coat pocket. As soon as I exited the room, I lifted my suit coat and jammed that dinner napkin into the crack of my ass like Tread to a frozen bratwurst at a Justin Bieber sausage party.
I made my way to the bathroom and ran into the handicap stall for a damage assessment. Dropping my drawers revealed that my boxer shorts and quick thinking with the dinner napkin had stopped all shit from breaching my pantalones'. Relieved, I removed my shoes, and pants, finished my shit, removed my boxers re-dressed, did a little cleanup, and threw my boxers and napkin in the trash.
I walked back into that room with a sense of accomplishment, and that wonderful feeling you get when you are walking around commando.
The rest of the night was flawless as I participated in that little dog and pony show, knowing that my shit sat safely wadded up in the bathroom trash can. On the way home, I told my wife about shitting myself, and she had no idea. Yes bros and hos. I am that smooth. I can shit myself without regrets.

All my love, No homo
Ed.