Ok guys, I see a lot of new “labs” springing up around here with their gimmicky marketing and flashy labels, attracting the wallets of youngsters to part with their hard-earned pocket money, and I think it’s time I got in on the act. That’s right, I’m going to become a source. And trust me, I have a product that NO-ONE else carries.

On this product, I gained 50lbs in two weeks. All pure muscle. What is this magical elixir, I hear you cry…

Human Breast Milk. That’s right bitches. I won’t tell you how I discovered this amazing secret as it may get me arrested, but it works. Think about how quickly babies grow! Ok, it’s mostly fat, but only because they’re lazy little fuckers.

I’ve set plans in motion to produce this stuff on an industrial scale (as soon as I complete my purchase of an ex-dairy farm, and figured out how to adapt those nozzles.) And there’s lots of unemployed women in my neck of the woods…

So, get your credit cards ready for the launch of LACTOBOL. I’ll even put a pair of tits on the label. Form an orderly queue, youngsters!