HELP!
As some of you may know, I have a deep love for hookers. When my Taco Bell paycheck comes in, its going to either hookers, juice, or steak, in that order. You all know that..
Now to my story... I have this favorite hooker who goes by the name of Potatochip Crawford. She's a really big girl that has a mole on her face kind of like Cindy Crawford's, hence the name "Potatochip Crawford". I like this hooker a lot. She doesn't say much, she's cool with letting me fill her belly button up with ranch dressing to dip Cheetos in, and she's a pretty good bang for the buck. I like her, so I've never choked her out or thought about killing her or anything like that. I just do my thang, pay her, and then drop her back off at her corner. She's a tough gal and not represented by a pimp because she handles her shit.
At any rate, the other day I come home from work to chill at my west hills trailer park manor...and I see Potatochip sitting there on the makeshift porch all sad and shit. So I invite her in, grab a beer and some ranch dressing and she stops me and gets all serious and says she has something she has to tell me.
I'm all: "Wassup Taterchip?" And she's all "I'm prego! And I think you're the daddy!"
You can only imagine my surprise! But I'm not too worried, hell, this hooker sleeps with hundreds of bro's and shit. I know I ain't the father!
So I act all empathetic and shit, tell her it's all ok, and then we get it on (for free mind you)! And when we get done, she's smoking a camel non-filter on my couch all relaxed from two minutes of pure extasy, and I say..."I look forward to the DNA test". Just Like a real asshole!
She gets pissed and leaves.
To make a long story short...I take a DNA test and holy shit kids! as Maury would put it...I AM THE FATHER!
As you can all imagine, the news is exciting and scary all in one. So Imma do the right thing and marry Taterchip..
But now that we are in love, I don't know if I'm cool with her still being a hooker? Sure, I like the money and shit but damn, she's still the future mother of little Ed Jr.
What do I do? Plus, I still got a mean ass girlfriend (on Trenbolone mind you) who doesn't know, and will prolly beat the shit out of me for falling in love with this hooker and shit.
I don't know bro's..I'm confused and shit.
What should I do?
All my love, no homo
Ed
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You need to go back to the old you and shit. Strangle the shit outta her shit. The baby ain't born yet, so it don't count.
Let it be a lesson learned and shit, you can never make a wife out of a hoe.
You slipped, it happens!!
AnonTell the girlfriend on tren.... She will kill her.. Problem solved
But find a new hooker
Such total BS. I don't believe for a second that you work at Taco Bell.
Greg, I'm tired of you thinking that I'm not qualified for that type of work. Look bro, I'll admit, the sour cream gun training damn near killed me, but with a little work and heart, I got it down pretty good.
Id start pinning taterchip in the belly button with some tren too. The pin will slide right through the ranch. She won't even notice. Tater tot will come out being a beast.
The girlfriend shouldn't care too much. If she's running tren she should know we can't control our dicks/clits on cycle. Then taterchip can keep bringing in money and being the ranch dip holder, you and your girl can get tater tot powerlifting by age 5, and you'll be able to retire from Taco Bell by the time he's 15 by selling the gold plate off his trophies. When he hits about age 7, just keep it at 3 cc's. No less.
You have an awesome fucking adventure ahead my friend.
Start introducing your girlfriend to ranch and cheetos.
GnarkillHere's a quarter go pay a rat to naw that thing off
StreetmonkKill them both, pawn everything of value, clean the bank accounts out and to Rocky Point, Mexico, live out your days working security at night clubs for cash... that's what I did.... I mean would do...
They already have a warrant for me in mexico
StreetmonkI know a guy that does flawless facial plastic surgery....I got some lye as well, I'll help you burn your finger prints off.
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."
swap out girlfriends multivitamins with liver toxic orals. Put some ground up ones in a cake for her, mix some in with her toothpaste, add some to her Powerade mix, bread her chicken tenders with some. Really get creative with this; it can be fun, make a little game out of it!!! Just make sure not to use shit that will make her murder death kill everyone. Send your stuff to simec to make sure it's not halo lol
RustyhookerWill lil ed-chip get a cool trailer style name like hank or junior?
Hell no! It'll be something classy like Bubba.
RustyhookerHaha! Bubba J just came to mind.
You know what you have to do. When things get 'inconvenient' in life they need to be eliminated, erased.
Then tell the girlfriend the kid is a foster kid you took in.
Hmmmm. I like that.
Lol, amputate that bitch!
You have to keep taterchip on the corner.. Theres something real mean love about a woman whose loosey goosey.
Just move her into to your ponderosa and tell your juiced up girlfriend that taterchip is your cousin,,, soooo that makes it totally forgiveable to knock up your cousin if you live in a trailer park..
That's creative thinking right there.
Move to Utah and become Mormon.
Not all Mormon's live in Utah, .......and they now prefer to be called LDS.
Just sayin.
Then I'd have to go to church...
Give tater chip a overdose of heroin and and walk away with needle in her arm BOOM BOTH PROBLEMS SOLVED. Your Scott free cause it will look like a overdose
Shit, I'd need a gallon of heroin to overdose that hooker.
Damn ok
Kill them both and find a new taterchip!
Come on bro. She's carrying little Ed and everyone knows my girlfriend is un-killable
I guess if you have to have a heart about it...... at least we both like our hookers!
Drop the girlfriend marry taterchip! But your gonna need extra $$ for the kid so I would keep her working just my .02 bro or even better ask the girlfriend to hang around to help with the kid:)
My gf will probably just beat all our asses