+ 3 Gym Farts
This morning was leg day for me. I have a love hate relationship with leg day. I love the results of good hard leg work but I hate to do it. Once its over I'm happy, but in the process I really hate working legs. With the exception of leg extensions of course.
So I work through my regular routine this morning, I start out with squats. Throw 15 plates on each side of the bar and pump out 6 sets of 50 and throw the bar back onto the rack yelling "YEAH BITCH! WHO's YOUR DADDY!" I move on to leg extensions, then leg curls and then to the dreaded leg press sled. Now the leg press sled to me is the most dangerous machine in the gym. Not for what you might think but because when I'm laying down with my legs up and coinciding with Newton's 8th law that hot air rises-- you bet your ass I have to fart. Like most of you, my intake of protein is insane. Me, I like to have 15 grams of p for ever pound of body weight. This forces me to kill on cow and 123 chickens daily... Sorry, I digress. Back to the farts.
So I'm laying there on the leg press machine, plates stacked to the top. Not sure how much weight, probably close to 4 tons...BFD. I've got Beiber cranked as high as it can go in my headphones screaming "There's gonna be one less lonely girl..One less lonely girl.. One less lonely girl... One less lonely girl".
Adrenalyn flowing and you bet your ass I'm pumped..pumped harder than Tread's weiner pump on date night.
I raise my legs and there it happened. I felt a bubble the size of a basketball start to work it's way from under my lungs, up throught my vascular belly and out my finely toned ass. However being oblivious to the sound of this said fart due to Beiber Fever blasting through my shitty skull candy earbuds, I don't realize that my fart resonated not only through the gym, but served as a wake up call to anyone within a 2 mile radius. Possibly registering on the Richter scale. Unhindered, I pushed the weight up for two reps before I caught wind of this horrible hazardous gas. It smelled like a mixture of Burnt Pumpkin, rotten eggs, and the ass of a female Iranian Fitness model that I used to date. I slowly lowered the weight and thought I better head to the drinking fountain before anyone tags the horrible shit stench to my perfectly formed ass. As I stood up, I realized it was too late as I looked around and no one was lifting weights. They were stopped as if someone had pushed a pause button in heaven with all eyes on me. Two high school kids both had their noses plugged serving the dual purpose of blocking the stench and controlling their laughter. As I scanned the room, I saw that one elderly lady had fainted, two women were crying, and 15 people shook their heads in dissaproval. Because flight was no longer an option, my fight instinct kicked in and I yelled: "WHAT! IS THAT THE FIRST FART YOUVE EVER EXPERIENCED!" Bringing the gym back to life everyone looked away and started back to lifting weights. Me, I decided to call it a day and went home to flex in the mirror.
This leads me to my question:
Do you fart in the gym or do you hold it in? Be honest.
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I'm hoping Suze will give her two cents on this little matter. lol.
She is out working bro but i can tell you now she makes me sound like a little boy when she starts tearin them bad boys out lol..lol
84 eggs a week whadya expect!... bonny girl with aBADass
Oh yeah. That's what I like to hear. Lol.
I bet she loves that you are telling us about it!
If you get no response to your daily PMs bro.... brother V will be in hospitol when she reads that lmao! with slap marks around the head and neck areas with a little bag in my hand with both my nads detatched.
If you are on cardio equipment you can look at the people to the left and right as if they pooofed it out.... That's really your best bet is to blame the people around you in my mind. Why take responsibility when you don't have to.... Great read thanks for bringing up SUCH and IMPORTANT topic. I will happily be the first to +1 one you for this truly great addition to what we call the EROID NATION... ;) People will write songs about you one day.
Thanks brother. When you cut ass while on cardio equipment and you are next to a hot chick, the best bet is to look that chick in the eyes and say "Excuse You." She will say "It wasn't me" and you will say "Well it wasn't me!" and then you can both blame someone else. Works every time.
I like where you are going with this EDD "there is STRENGTH in numbers" ... Now there are two of you blaming the little old lady in front of you on the elliptical, and possibly getting a hot girls number too..... This! This! is why EDD is the man! these discussions are so important to have...... LMFAO
...and if your not cutting wind at the gym your not getting enough protein!
amen to that! fiber adds to the chaos too. lol
I can always tell when I'm hitting the right protein consumption by the way my farts smell. Oh yeah.
I'm not even conscious of it most of the time so I have to take cues from those around me LOL
Do a controlled burst release as u make way across the gym. Even distribution is key to not getting caught. Science and skill.
lmao X2
Yet another masterpiece from ed
I don't care! I'm known as "that guy" @my gym anyway
i try and find a safe distance away from others and let it out quite. i hate it when a chick walks through one of those land minds though. it can really linger sometimes...
I think if a chick walks through your land mine and doesn't know it came from you that it's a bonus. Makes it all worth it right there.
its hard to fool them so i just ignore there reaction like its not me. i remember when i started using creatine my freshman year of highschool. for some reason, it had the gnarliest effect on my intestines... seeing the face of people who smelt those farts was the best. it looked like they were suffocating. lol.. creatine doesnt affect me like that anymore tho.
I let em rip in gym when its all clear. But sometimes someone comes from out of no where and get on the bench beside you after releasing or walks right threw the path I crop dusted I just laugh
LOL dude i was cracking up reading this. For the record if one comes out on leg day like you said so be it, otherwise i hold it in and crop dust an area than vacate to the other side of the gym thus securing my innocence.
Yeah bro. One should alway hit and run when it comes to gym farts.
I'll take a gym fart over a queef anyday.