This morning I arrived home from the gym, did my regular routine; picked out some clothes to wear for the day, drank a gallon of whey, pulled my shirt off, flexed in the mirror for 20 minutes, took a squeeze at every reachable pimple, flexed for twenty more minutes, switched my laundry over, flexed in the mirror some more until overcome by a bowel movement, sat down and worked out a nice duke while checking Eroids on my Iphone.
To my surprise and excitement I saw that I had a pending friend request. So I fatfingered my phone to see who it was and lo and behold it was from Goth. Holy shit. I'm not going to lie, I squeeled like Tread at a Justin Bieber concert. As I pushed the button to accept Goth as my friend, I had to ask myself: What does this mean? I had requested Goth's friendship twice before only to be rejected. Girrrl on the other hand, sensing the sexiness in my posts I'm sure, accepted my friend request immediately, and believe me when I tell you I have been romancing that ass ever since. Ok, maybe not romancing, but you know sharing my inner feelings and shit. I approached Grrl many times in PM asking why Goth won't accept my friend requests, only to recieve the same answer. Goth has too many friends. He just doesn't have time to talk to all of them. Though the response was heart breaking, I understood. How could a man with Goth's reputation not have an infinite amount of friends? He's Goth. The Eroid Moderater, Pro, and fricken T-Shirt model!
As time has gone on, I've bugged Grrrl about talking to Goth about accepting my friend request only to be scorned with words like: "You aren't good enough" and "you are too big of a Douche". You know, hurtful stuff that I of course still read between the lines knowing that Girrrll was just saying that because she wanted me.
At any rate as time has gone on, and I finally achieved my dream of Goth (the only one who ever rejected my friend requests) Arbuckle (Goth's real last name) becoming my friend. Not only that, but he actually sent the request! However, there was that voice in my head that really wondered if it was sincere? Sure, I hit him up about it yesterday, but I wondered, is he only my friend now because he is canteen boy to the almighty source for [CENSORED]? I've faced this confusion numerous times as I've sat down at various strip clubs. Every dancer I meet tells me I'm hot and that I'm the sexyest man to ever be entertained by them. They all seem to love me, seriously guys, you wouldn't believe how often the strippers are hitting on me at the strip club. It's like I'm a magnet! But somehow, I leave the club broke, wondering if I was really turning on Shelana the Oak tree goddess. So it is with Goth. However, like the strip clubs, I accept the advances. I accept the compliments, and moans of pleasure. Do they mean anything? Do they really love me? Who gives a shit. I feel the same way about my new best friend Goth. I accept you as my new best friend. No Homo.. of course.
As the intro theme song from the hit television series "The Golden Girls" sings...
"Thank you for being a friend".
All my love, No homo
Ed.