posted Sat, 11/02/2013 - 08:50
2144
Come sit with me.
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I've noticed a strange phenomena. No one ever sits next to me. It's very odd and I cannot figure it out. Today in yoga class I'm one of probably 3 guys and 55 women. The whole room is full except one spot on either side of me.
This has happened for a long time. People seem to rather stand on the buss than come sit beside me.
I thought perhaps I was giving off an unfriendly vibe. I don't think that's the case at all I'm very good with eye contact and smiles. I feel like I have a very strong and confident aura, most people are shocked if I ever mention being self conscious. I save that side of me for you people, your welcome!
So what's the gig? Can anyone relate?
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I hate to say it man but you probably smell bad. LOL
j/k
valhallas bestU should try crying in the corner then as soon as someone tries to console u by touching u on the back u should jump up and rip your shirt off and beat ur chest like King Kong .. Then drop on the ground and army crawl to the door .. And just peek outside from the window for like 15 min ..... Then come back next week and tell everyone your dog died and show them pics of lassie... Always works for me
Darron614Just let him bang bro!
valhallas bestThis is Val approved! Lol bro I'm kidding.. But fureal it's nice to know everyone is self concious a little even beasts like you
BigBmajIf you knew what goes through the minds of most people here I think you would be amazed.
I'm a shrinking beast these days by the way.
although BB is more mainstream now than it ever has been. ive noticed the "freak persona" still does linger for the huge guys in many places. its not common to see really large guys and ppl tend to stay away because they just are, well freaked by it. it can be for many reason. some may think you are just plain scary, others may be conscience of how poorly you make them look, and some may just think its gross. i believe most average skinny or fat men are just plain intimidated and women, goes either way, love it or hate but dont know how to approach it. this is just my opinion and it could very well be completely wrong..
People are intimidated by built guys.. women because its attractive to them and men because who wants to sit by the guy that makes them look like a girl LOL.. plus we get stereotyped as douche bag jocks at first glance.. I always thought I was very welcoming but it was brought to my attention a few months ago I tend to intimidate people until they actually speak to me.. prlly a mix of my demeanor and size because I don't think I'm that damn big.. so yeah just try talking more and let everyone in the room know what your about and you shouldn't have a problem.
BigBmajJust let them know that I guarantee I'm more sensitive than any of the women there. :).
Drag around some of my eroids posts.
You might have the yoga ladies chasing you around then Lmao
Think about this homie, when you see the most bangin chic in class(high school), would you sit next to her or diagonal so you could still keep view? Some of them might feel slightly intimidated or self conscious no matter how beautiful they might be.Im sure when they warm up to you they will be talking to you like a freakin bff. They feel more comfortable just letting loose around the girls rather then some random guy. Make small talk with a couple of them or hold the door ect, they will come around. Im assuming this is a new class?
BigBmajYes it's a new class. I've been going at various times so I haven't spent much time with any of these people. I know all the teachers because my wife teaches there. So they are all very friendly.
If I was doing yoga I would sit next to you =)
my advice is before class or when class is done try talking to the people. Like before the class starts just greet people say hows it going or how are you and smile. You don't need to talk or conversation just appear friendly.
Then they will know you are friendly and not some intimidating bb ahah
BigBmajThat's good advice.
I'm going tomorrow and I'm going to introduce myself to a couple people.
I'm loving this power vinyasa class. Who wouldn't? The room is 95 degrees and full of beautiful sweaty half naked women. I'm learning to breathe properly and my posture is noticeably improving. I had roll forward shoulders and tight hips my whole life. This is finally not the case. I can squat deeper, breathe deeper, and I don't ever feel super tight and hemmed up.
If anyone has not yet tried it I really recommend it. I think bodybuilders can appreciate what it does for the body.
Yoga is the best! I remember when I first started I thought This really doesn't look like much but I was so sore the next day. I found and stretched muscle fibers I never new I had. The isometric tension movements are incredible for developing muscle density.
When you finish a class do you notice how vascular you get from it?
BigBmajYes I do notice that. I also feel excellent and grounded for about 24 hours. I can't describe it, I just feel good. They pump the co2 out and fresh o2 in and encourage very deep breath, so I think that grounds me. I sweat out about a gallon of crap each class.
I'm really liking what it's doing for me.
Totally can relate. I thought I just stank all the time. I had that cleared by multiple people. It did fuck me up good though; I carry a change of socks and undershirts with me and usually shower at work on my lunch break.
I don't smile so I think that is my problem. I'm a happy dude just can't smile that shit is difficult for me to do.
BigBmajJust try it. I think people will respond to you much better. I had to force smiles because it's not natural. Now I can't believe I didn't, I smile more with my eyes than a huge toothy smile. But I have much nicer human interaction. Women love great eye contact and a gentle smile. I wish I had been friendlier early in life. But they still don't want to sit next to me.
It's a preconception issue probably. People are stand off-ish with me at first, I assume due to my size. The people that get to know me often say they found it intimidating at first, my wife says her friends etc often make similar comments when they first meet me.
Ironic really as I'm a pretty placid friendly guy
GearofWarAlso, be sure that your deodorant is working too lol. Sorry couldn't resist.
BigBmajI have thought about that. I do sweat much more than most people, drenched in class. But I asked a girl I know well, do I just stink, and she said I smelled good.
Not a stink thing that I'm aware of.
AnonPank hit the nail on the head. It's definitely intimidating for folks to allow themselves to be compared to folks who are physically superior. So they avoid it altogether.
For me its a bit different. I look like a stereotype. Mexican and covered in tattoos. Gangbanger! Well maybe when I was a kid I was. But back then I didn't have a single tattoo. I notice that when folks first see me they judge me. Then they here me speak and articulate like I do. They're almost in shock:) At the hospital where I work I get it a lot. Yet as an employee I get recognized by patients more than most other employees. They all love me and know me as the big guy with tattoos:) All the old ladies love touching me. Being huge and having as many tattoos as I have is definitely a conversation waiting to happen
BigBmajI am usual most drawn to people I peg wrong. There is something so intriguing about being completely wrong about someone.
Maybe I should carry donuts with me.
Funny though if someone stopped and talked to you they would see you are an intelligent, compassionate and educated guy. It is hard not to do but makes you wonder what we miss out on for blessing by judging others by appearance
AnonExactly brother. Some of the most amazing people I've ever met just don't look the part.
I try to look menacing, and it doesn't work at all, lol. Little kids, animals, people, all come right up to me. The only ones I see at all hesitant are other dudes. A couple of the girls from the gym just laugh at my antics..
It could be a few reasons. When I go into a restaurant this has happen a few times especially in the summer when wearing shorts and tank top etc. That the waitress or hostess will start to talk to me about how they have to get to the gym etc. One time this women in a restaurant was talking to me about carbs etc she was not in bad shape at ll but was talking to me like I was a gym fanatic. also telling me she has been out of the gym because of her sciatic nerve etc. She even was shocked that I ordered those awesome dinner rolls. So I started to put together that these people probably felt insecure about their bodies when they saw mine and were kind of making a confession to me about having to get on track.
What is ironic is I don't talk about fitness at all when i go into a place or working out. Also I don't judge people by their exterior in a critical way. I believe that shows weakness in character. Now I love the constructive criticisms I get here of course but I am talking about making others feel like shit because of the way they look.
So I would say that people probably assume you would be judging them up and down because of being in great shape and they already have a poor self image of themselves.
What is funny when I am in a store or park is little kids love to come up to me. I know I look intimidating but they just run right over that lol, but see they are not self conscious yet
BigBmajPeople always start to discuss fitness around me. You are correct, the "I really need to get back to the gym".... I seem to bring up insecurities about their bodies. I wish I didn't make people feel that way. Just because I'm crazy about things doesn't mean I judge people at all.
On the one hand it's nice because people are always interested in health so I can entertain a whole table of people. But even exceptionally good looking women, especially good looking women, say "I need to stop letting myself go". Even my doctor said this the other day and asked if she could join me at yoga sometime. She's beautiful.
How do you defuse this? Just say I love to lift, eat well, and do yoga but I'm not an asshole promise?
Today in yoga I stood up and made mention of it. I said "hello everyone my name is bmaj and I'm a kind person it's ok to sit next to me". I'll see what happens next time. I'm trying to be more friendly these days.
Sometimes it is hard because of their fear it is like they don't even here you. So when I see people that are in that place I try to do what I really don't like doing which is smiling to first show them I am approachable. Then if a conversation ensues I like to go back to when I was young and insecure about myself and it drove me to wrestling, martial arts and fitness etc. Because many in that place think we were all born buff lol. Then I see them relax. I also talk to them about how I keep learning more and more all the time about health and how it is something you never really master, so they realize that it is not to late to jump on the bandwagon.