Dealing with a crazy mother
Any of you guys on here have crazy ex's that are the mother of your child/children? I dont know how you guys got through it but i am having a hard time. There is nothing more in this world i want than to have a family for my daughter, but having my ex fight with me in front of my daughter is not worth it. She just turned one, and she has to already go through what i been through (broken up family at young age). I tried everything to work this shit out with her, i was a straight bitch attending to her every need and always putting her before me. She uses my daughter against me and takes her away from me as she pleases. I watch my daughter 5 days a week, go to work full time, and go to school full time. I'm trying to be a great father, but i sure dont feel like one right now. This girl always says how bad of a father I am, a bad boyfriend, a worthless man. One day she will get what she deserves, but being the nice person i am i still dont wish harm towards her because shes still the mother of my angel. This girl pushes my buttons to the extreme and then some. It's like she enjoys controlling me and driving me the brink of the edge. Any help and comments would be appreciated. I just needed to vent, time to wreck it at the gym with this fucking aggression.
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How old is she bro?
who? my ex or my daughter..my daughter is 1 as of last sunday and my ex is turning 27 this sunday. shes a year older than me.
Until you can stop allowing her to push your buttons she is going to use the same crap to get a reaction from you ... and as long as you react she wins.. at the point which you no longer react she has no more power and control over you and to be honest things will go way more smoothly for you .. playing her game is the worst thing you can do.
I know grrrl, I totally agree with you but it is so hard to keep my mouth shut. I am a very patient person, but like i said...when she takes away the person i live for, its something i cant control. Its like my instinct. She hits me where it hurts the most, and your right...i do respond with yelling back and it just gets worst. It's like she feeds off of the fight and gets angrier and angrier and sometimes she gets lost in it. Crazy thing is she holds everything back and never wants to talk when shes normal, then when i reallly try to get it out, BOOM she explodes in a rage. Your right, my boys tell me i keep letting her stomp all over my shit. I've never been like this towards relationships but I bent over backwords for her cause she is the mother of my child. I respect her for taking care of my little girl so i wanted to keep her happy. Didn't know the job would be impossible ya know. I need to not let her affect me, this is the biggest thing I must work on. I want to be the bigger person, and the stronger person. I hate fighting! especially in front of my daughter (which is why i left her) thank you for your advice and happy holidays to you as well
Happy Holidays Daddy.. your game .. your rules. If you don't fight she can't play her game ..
Cover your bases bro. Start recording conversations, keep all emails/texts, get a lawyer no matter what. I waited too long to get this stuff together. I kept telling myself things would get better, or things would change. I told myself that I'm being the bigger person by not lying or trying to drag my ex through the mud. It was all bullshit, her lies just kept going and growing. I spent 1 full year with my head up my ass until child protection showed up on my bday, with accusations of drug use and mental/physical abuse. I had a lawyer this whole time, but I hit a little lax on keeping records, due to the fact I thought mine and my ex's drama was done. Nope, she just reloaded for round 2. The number 1 thing is to get a lawyer. You can do it without a one, but this is a necessary expense when dealing with crazy. It helps protect your rights as a father.
wow, im sorry about your situation and thank you for sharing. To be honest your story scares me bro because the thought of this situation getting even more intensified is frightening. I cant imagine a woman would go that extra mile just to really fuck you over. I hate how she feels its like her god given right, that she gets our kid over me just because she carried her while she was pregnant. She always says, "my kid" this and that. Im like really? if i dont recall you were the one who was thinking of getting an abortion right? and i was the one who was all for having this child and manning up the responsibility. I'm picking up a journal tomorrow and keeping it as I go, no more bullshit, who knows how crazy she can get. Cant imagine once i start dating again, then I will see the real freak show. Once again, thank you for sharing and i hope everything will get better for you and your child. Happy holidays
Sorry bro, didn't mean to scare you lol. Just being as realistic as I can. The truth is, the best thing you can do is be a good dad. As long as you keep your focus on your daughter you should be good. Your other advantage is, your daughter is so young, there's a good chance she won't remember this hell. Merry Xmas to your family....even your ex!
GearofWarWell bro, it sounds like this girl is a real pardon the expression, cunt. I don't throw that word around very lightly because I've got 2 daughters and a wife that I respect and adore. I cannot abide a person that attempts to use leverage to control a situation they would otherwise not be able to. Especially a person that uses their own child as said leverage. One step above human trafficking, IMO. It's using a child like an object, weapon, or tool to frighten, coerce, and ultimately control your actions. To keep you "in your place" and under their thumbs. I don't typically tend to get physically violent with anyone but the few times I have it was in a situation like this. Except instead of a Baby Momma with the baby as power it was a manager abusing his authority as a means of control. Pieces of trash, all of them. So sorry to hear that you've got someone like this in your life. Remember though Bro: Karma is a bitch. She'll get her's.
hey thanks gearofwar for your reply. I rarely even use the word, bitch, but damn my ex really is one. You can only do so much for someone and give your all, but even when your all cant satisfy their needs thats when you need to walk away and one day ill find someone who really appreciates that shit. Most women would love to have a boyfriend who actually cares. I just feel bad for when she gets older and realizes what she fucked up on and ill be happy with my own thing. But most of all, I feel bad for my little girl who has to go through this. When i grew up without a mom and dad together i asked god why cant i just have two parents? i alwayhs thought it was my fault. and to think that these thoughts will run through my daughters head just kills me in the inside bro. She uses my daughter as an object to scare me cause she knows i have thick skin and thats the one thing that will get to me. I can take a lot of shit from people but messing with my kid, no matter what, i cannot let that shit happen at all. thanks for the advice, happy holidays!
I've never had to go through the horrible stuff you are dealing with. But I have a 16 yr old daughter who is my reason for living, and I can hardly stand the thought of being without her. A daughter is such a precious gift.
You got some great advice already, especially from Genetix. I know you really don't want the court system involved, and I hope it never needs to come to that.
But in truth your ex cannot take your daughter away from you. It may mean going to the legal system for help, but judges very much frown on one parent trying to keep a child from the other.
That's where keeping a journal of your interactions would pay off. You don't need recordings. Just your honestly written journal of all your interactions about your child, visit times and dates, visitation schedules that she sabotagues etc. will carry a lot of weight in family court.
I know you have a dream of being a perfect father for your daughter, and your ex might be able to ruin parts of that dream. But remember, you don't have to be the perfect dad, just the loving father you obviously are.
I really wish i had kept a journal bro, all the shit she told me..especially all the degrading stuff where i just kept calm and took it like a G. the judge would be like WTF. Most of the things she said i wouldnt even say it to my worst enemy bro, some down right hateful stuff but o well, she is a woman scorned right? over what? a boyfriend who actually is there for her and her child? she is so ungrateful, my daughters birthday was this sunday and i spent atleast a 1000 bucks and she did not say thank you at all. She always says she will take my daughter away from me, especially when i still had my felony (which i got expunged recently). Most mothers would DIE to have their kids father involved in their life, but not this girl. shes different. Thanks for your reply bro!
Yeah bro, you would think a mother would love to have the baby's daddy in the child's life.
But often there is a financial incentive to do the opposite. I don't know what state you are in, but In California child support is calculated by imputing both parents income and the percentage of time the child spends with each parent
This means the less custody and visitation you have, the more child support she gets from you.
Calculating child support that way is probably half the reason people play these games
thats fucked up because most of the time the father only see's the kid twice or once a week not by choice so fuck that. I fucking watch my daughter 5 days a week, sure only overnight once a week, but the other 4 days i have her for 9 hours. she should be paying me, but i wouldnt do that. Some women would rather see their baby daddy suffer than see her child being with her father its sad, in the end its a lose lose situation and the child suffers because of parents.
hey daddy l, by reading your words and looking into your insight as to how you handle this situation you are much more of the better person than she is. as far as your daughter goes you're right she is smart and she will also know who is giving her the most time and making the bigger effort and that my friend is what matters and she will relate to the most.soooo who's the winner? that's right you are. keep on loving and giving your little girl your time, effort , and attention and you will be their hero!
Just don't lay a hand on her and diffuse shit as quickly as possible in front of your daughter.And like other guys said just stay close to your daughter and be her dad. I went through a divorce this year but my daughter is older. I am actually the one that asked for it. Lot of reasons but in the end my kid is the most important thing. And don't worry, kids are damn smart bro. Your daughter will see the truth if you are a good dad. My daughter is 8 and has already confronted her mom and said MOM are you a fake?!?! Hang in there bro
thats tough bro, a divorce after so many years. me and my ex split up because she was always fighting and got so violent that it wasnt worth it anymore to have my daughter see that. even though i wont get to see my daughters face first thing when i wake up, i didnt want this fighting to affect her. but now my ex still finds ways to fight me even though i do so much for them. I love my daughter to death, never loved a person this much in my life. she just turned 1 this past sunday so i figured its better to split now before shes older. thanks for sharing your story bro and good luck to you too.
I'm sorry to hear this. One thing u can do is keep EVERYTHING documented. So, u know what happened on what day and so on. Don't let her brain wash u. Just BC she says, all those horrible things doesn't mean they are true. There just words. And hurtful ones. Brush it off. You know deep down inside the kind of person and father u are. Misery loves company brother. Kids are very smart. Ur daughter will figure it out on her own as she gets older. Just find ways to deal w it. So, u don't stoop down to her level. Weather it b lifting,church,family and friends there's a way. Most importantly u have a little girl who loves you and needs u. To set an example for her and to love and many other things that need to take place as a dad ! Have a good day and take a deep breath. It will work out.
Thanks man, yeah ive had a lot of my friends tell me to document everything just in case she goes ballistic. Gyming it is helping so much. And your right i shouldn't stoop down to her level, it just annoys me that she puts me on blasts on facebook for the whole world to see my business. Its like what are we fucking 8th graders or something. Im definetly going to get my ass back to church so i can find peace in this whole fucked up mess. Thanks for your kind words and advice!
All you have to do is Hug your daughter EVERY day and tell her how much you LOVE her. Smile every time you see her so she knows she makes you smile, Never use profanity around her or ever say anything bad to her about her mother "Because it's still her Mommy...and one day she will see the truth for herself" Work your ass off to make as much money as you can so you can give her everything in life and make sure she and you have a great roof above your heads. Learn to walk away from an argument when your Ex is heated learn to come back to revisit the topic with a cool head. The less you yell and scream or curse the more you win your pride back as well as respect. Keep hitting the gym and take out that stress and build your body and your mind as well as your life for you and your daughter and when it's all said and done you can say you did your best and NO person can take that from you! Good luck man and keep your chin up & take extra good care of your little angel.....As they grow they learn!
Thanks bro, well written and i could tell it was sincere. I agree with you bro a 100%. That's my thing i would keep my mouth shut and not yell back but once she takes my daughter away from me as leverage its like she took a piece of me and thats when i break the silence and argue back. its tough. Its deff a learning experience and i appreciate the words brotha!
wow bro, your situation reminds me so much of what i've been dealing with for the past 5 years. i broke up with my wife after my son was born, she kicked me out of my kids life for a year, got me arrested (now i got a record) sued me for child support, made the court order various drugs tests, i had to go to the courts to see him and that shit takes forever, after he was 1 i was able to get him for a day a week.. fast foward things a few years.. now i get him every other weekend, my son loves me but we don't have as tight of bond as i would like.. all because of a vindictive, selfish, piece of shit bitch, that is out whoring with my child support money. the best thing is to never give up on you child, make the efforts to go to his activities, in the end you will know that you did your best and that ll you can do.. good luck bro i know the situation is fucked up
damn bro, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I don't see how some lame ass fathers can bounce out and never look back at their kids, because for people like me and you, our kids are our life. I couldn't imagine how you felt not being able to see your son for a year, and then being arrested for fighting for what you love. All I can say is, not only are you strong on the outside but inside your def have it even stronger. As for me, i hope it doesnt get to that point. I really do not want the court involved with the relationship of my daughter. Next time i see my daughter i will make sure to hold her even tighter and show her even more love than i do now. thanks for the advice bro and sharing your story, much appreciated
yeah its unfortunate for REAL fathers out there, the court system is rarely on our side unless the mother is a junkie. i sure hope you will not have to go to that extent thats when things get ugly and lawyer bills add up. I feel like you are doing the right thing, being a father to your daughter.. just know that you are not the only one going through it,
Yeah i try to tell myself that everyday, but when you go through such pain involving your child its so easy to feel alone ya know. I couldn't imagine having a judge tell me when i can see my own blood. Its crazy where life goes and the situations that break us down to make us stronger. but this for me, even all that i been through has been the hardest. happy holidays bro! thanks for representing the team of great fathers out there
AnonBest advice bro, get a hidden camera and when she comes over catch her being a bitch on video. Make sure you have it on video and make sure you catch her at least 10 times on different dates being a bitch and infront of you daughter. Also get a recorder and record all cconvetsations ,again make sure you got many many discussions with her being a bitch on tape. Once ypuve done this do not tell her, get a lawyer and show him/her what you have. More then likely you may get more time with your daughter then you do know and your ex hopefully wont be allowed as lone with her. She is emotionally fucking with her head its not right. Id get a lawyer or get advice from one and keep it hush hush, if your ex finds out she will be the fakest piss of you know what just to look good.