Dear Assholes at the Yoplait yogurt company,

I just want to thank you for the shitty design of your yogurt cups. I eat your Greek Yogurt nearly every day and every damn time I open up a container, it blows shit all over my shirt.
I truly believe that you have an engineer on your staff that designed the yogurt cups to do this. The joke is too perfect and it happens every damn time that I pull the lid off of one of your cups. It doesn't matter the size, it always happens. For this I give your engineer kudos, however it does piss me off because I never think about it and it happens every damn time.
You people are assholes. I know that you are aware of this because I have sent numerous letters.
Now I will walk around the rest of the day looking like a dumbass with yogurt all over my black shirt.
Thank you for this. I'm sure I will forget tomorrow and blow shit all over my shirt again.

All my love, no homo
Ed.

To the mods: I'm sorry if I broke a rule by mentioning a yogurt source's name.