I've got a little boy that is 5 years old. Since conception, I have, on a daily basis drilled the sport of wrestling into his head. As a baby, he was attending wrestling matches, chilling in the wrestling room taking it all in, watching videos, etc. I have a wrestling room in my house that in the evenings he and I practice. This past year was his first year in competetive wrestling and he absolutely loved it. He just couldn't get enough as he finished his first season undeafeated. Admittedly, I taught him how to win using moves that capitalized on the weak necks of children his age, and some concealed small joint manipulation. I'm sorry, but that is all part of the Ed wrestling program. It worked, so if you don't like that you can lick my balls.
At any rate this is what happened; to my dissapointment and without my knowlege, my wife signed my kid up for a girls sport.. That's right, soccer. She breaks the news to me last night. I'm like WTF woman? What are you doing to my boy? She explains, all while showing some cleavage and talking sexy, so of course, I'm a sucker and I go along with it. Well, this morning I get a call from my little boy. He's all excited as he has returned from his first practice, tells me about his jersey, and how fun soccer is. In my heart, I want to yell at the boy, but because of my love for this little man, I pretend to be excited. After a few minutes of listening to the excitement, I tell him that I love him and hang up the phone. I bury my head into my hands and want to cry, but the masculinity in me hasn't allowed that since 1982.
What the hell am I supposed to do? Soccer? Can there be a gayer sport than soccer? (Not that there is anything wrong with that.)

I love my little boy and want him to be happy so I'm sure tonight, on my way home from work...I guess I'll have to stop by the sporting goods store and buy a damn soccer ball. Sonofa bitch. How fricken embarassing is that? I'd rather be purchasing something more masculine, like an economy pack of tampons.

All my love No Homo,
Ed