posted Sat, 08/06/2016 - 17:02
2623
Marriage and Divorce
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If i could give young me any advice it would be wait for marriage.
I'm just now picking up where I left off 2 years ago from a terrible divorce. My juice all gone :(. Back to 0.
If you ever have a doubt about getting married and you're under 30, do not rush it just wait.
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I think this guy is onto something about the breakdown of relationships..."it was cute at first.."
https://www.facebook.com/KinneTVshow/videos/1093604534059893/
Problem is, people change. Especially people in their 20s. My wife became a different person. She went from lighthearted and funny, to pissed off, negative, and miserable to be around. Alienated friends, coworkers, and even got written up at work for her attitude. We went from best friends, to someone I just lived with. I won't ever remarry, unless she owns a large ranch that I can hunt. Ha
people change...lol... of course they do, however the goal is to get better and better and being yourself, becoming angry and bitter isn't the optimal direction to take in 'growth' so really the question here is what happened to her that she chose to become what she did ...
You would have to ask her that question - and chances are - she probably couldn't give a reason. It's seems that she became unhappy - but who knows the cause of that? A lot of people become dissatisfied with their life - not because of their partner, or social relationships, or any other tangible reason...I know because I have been there. It's a mindset, a way of looking at life that eventually becomes so toxic that it destroys relationships and so many other things...it's called depression....and it's a chore to try to drag yourself out of. I couldn't point the 'finger of blame' at anyone - it was just a mental cancer that eats everything positive in your mind.
My advice to my younger self would have been don't be such a self absorbed asshole. There's a Much bigger picture than self. Luckily, I'm where I am today, but it took some hard lessons to realize that. Marriage is work sometimes, but I've found it much easier when focus isn't all internally on self, and more so in the partnership.
Not reading into your situation at all or making that claim. That was definitely my downfall though.
SonofaBitchAbsolutely not and my intent isn't to discourage anyone about marriage. My failed marriage gave me faith that marriage is a real thing surprisingly enough.
I think choosing your partner is the most significant part, I would not have chose the same partner now that I would have when I was 20.
AnonThat's because you are probably more mature and have a better idea of what life is all about
My first wife was a dime.... And she pulled the ole switcharoo on me too... However I made my mistakes, I was a young man and I would cycle and blow up and thought I was superman... Cocky... Fighting... Drugs I was mean, but I was good and faithful as they come to her, I done whatever she wanted and I treated her good.... Thing where I fucked up was she changed as well , she battled with depression, it was hereditary in her family from her moms side.... At that age, I didn't know how to deal with it, I thought it was me and I couldn't do nothing right when in fact it was not me and she just needed support and uplifting from me but I made it worse and said fuck it and went out and partied.... I was thinking "I'm gonna be happy and not sit home and listen to this shit" well I fucked up, and one day I woke up and she said she was done and she got her stuff and left right then
It was bad,, I then later catch her out with another guy and that was bad too.... 14 years ago, all history now, however I now have been married over 10 years to my wife who supports and takes good care of me we have an 8 year old boy, we've been battle tested been thru some shit together and still standing.... We have our times but at the end of the day we still love each other and we are a family
She is also a martial artist and has her trophies so she thinks she can kick my ass.... Which I'd prolly let her, lol
Good story - thanks for sharing.
I agree with some of what you've said. I think people should take their time and find out if you have a solid relationship. I dont necessarily agree with waiting until a certain age.
Wisdom does come with age, but so does stubbornness. The older we get, the more set in our ways we get. Being flexible in marriage is key.
I got married at 21 and have been married over a quarter century now (yes, I'm old). I don't recommend getting married at 21, but it worked for me.
I think it's more about two people that are willing to work things out and are committed to the marriage. Everyone fights, but how you resolve it is what matters.
Anyway, my points are that you need to know someone pretty well before marry and know that BOTH of you are willing to see it through. There is no guarantee that waiting until 30 will solve any problem.
I totally agree.
Although my bf and are not married and not planning to me. I know from experience lots of women want to marry young. My sister did, she Forced the poor guy into marriage and ivf baby and not even 2 years later she was divorced. He had enough taking all her bs. She told me that if you are married and something goes wrong you (or the guy) are more willing to work it out. And he would not leave right away.
Wel..guess again.
Marriage doesnt mean a thing. Relationships do.
I'm approaching the two year marks since my wife left me. First year was a blurr, slowly crawled out of the hole the last year. She ruined me financially, and definitely left me with trust issues. The one positive...I love strange pussy, and never want to go back to banging the same broad for 15 years. I'll never get married again....
so for you sex was never an intimate act or expression of real feelings ... just a physical release banging a 'pussy' . .. get a blow up doll they are easier to interact with
Yes you don't even have to take her on a date! Just straight to it!
I would say the same advice my friend... I'm 28 and I've been married twice!
SonofaBitchThe struggle is real brother
But I ended both of them both of my X's still want a relationship.
Well fuck, just got married June 4th.:) it's pretty solid though we've been through ALOT together and and have a pretty healthy relationship now. Hard not to stray sometimes even though she's gorgeous. When I'm single I want to be with someone and when I'm with someone I want to be single, always want what we can't have.
She took your juice in the settlement?
We need photos of your unit of an ex.
Enjoy being single mate, make sure to do some internet dating.
SonofaBitchI'm actually trying to wrap up the single life now been on it for 2 years...
The hardest part for me now is realizing some women can and are decent and deserve your attention. Getting to the point where you can say no to pussy and respect a relationship is hard.
I agree, respecting women is most important.
So marriage didnt work out for ya SOOOO your gona do it again.
Can you please answer me this ???
What are the benefits of marriage that your not already getting in dating..
A partner in life to help accomplish long range goals: A home, assets, memories, kids...
A partner you can trust to be there thick or thin; tell you what you need to hear; to push you to be better than who you are now. A witness to your life.
A tax write off.
...The list goes on, should I continue?
The list goes on and on.
Marriage is hard work, but like anything you really work at, it brings great results and rewards.
Marriage is work no matter the age and in my opinion only gets more difficult as we get older. When we are young we are flexible, by flexible I mean we are not set in our ways, we are much more easily adaptable. By the time you reach 40 you are fairly well set in your ways, completely sharing yourself becomes more difficult after you have experienced how fucked people are. Plus part of the bonds of marriage are the struggles of youth, the starting a family, career and homestead. All of these things can be done anytime in that 20-40 window but it will certainly be different along the weigh stations of life.
I agree with a lot of what you say. As we get older we are more set in our ways - but as we get older we should be able to look back on our experiences in relationships and apply what we have learnt. I am much more accepting now of the things that would once piss me off with a partner. Mainly because I tend now to ask myself: "Is this important enough to get upset about, and important enough to upset the harmony of my relationship?" Usually the answer is 'No.' So, when I'm settled I will raise the matter calmly with my partner so that there is no drama. I know for a fact that I'm a much better person in relationships now than I was when I was young. However, it also helps having a partner who is also 'balanced'..Some people thrive on drama and negative energy in their relationships - that's destructive and the relationship is doomed...some just aim for peace and spending time with someone important in their life, to make their life more enjoyable. If you get two people with the same mindset, you can have a great relationship - marriage is just the formal contract, it's the relationship that determines all.
I agree and should clarify that this was my observation regarding starting new relationships or getting married later versus younger. Getting two people on the same wavelength in our forties seems much more difficult. But yes, I too am much more laid back about most everything than I was in my twenties.
Wait until you hit your 60's...you can make life a cruise.. ;-)
GnarkillI've been with my wife for 15 years and married for 2 and tonight she packed her shit and moved out but life goes on
SonofaBitchHopefully it doesn't affect your cycle brother. It will get better.
GnarkillNope lol just pinned a hour ago I'll be staying away from tren for a while though
GnarkillI'm starting my cycle today believe it or not been off for 3. But she is crazy and says I'll make sure your kids don't see you because I was open with her about it
SonofaBitchSure you will hear a lot of that for a few months, mine tried to publicize it to the judge hahaha.
No doubt! Idk about you guys but I didn't even find out who the hell I really was or wanted to be until I was 23-24 why I decided to get married to someone when I didn't even know myself at 19 is beyond me. Any divorce is tough to go through but I learned a lot so it wasn't a total loss.
SonofaBitchYeah I'd say it was definitely a learning experience, one I hope and will teach my kids to avoid ha.
bigmurphTrue statement
Amen brother!