posted Mon, 07/02/2012 - 23:05
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+ 1 getting married
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Getting married in a few weeks, well supposed to be. Im stressed the fuck due to everything going on in my life n its scaring me that maybe the girl of my dreams really might not be. I guess getting cold feet? To all the guys who are married, how do you make it last, or before you got married did you feel the same as me? How did you continue to strive forward?
I feel she has changed as a person, changed as my lover, and makes excuses for everything. can you guys help? Is she the "one"
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Ya I think we both did a few things in the past that were messed up. I think we both have cold feet, but why when we have 2 kids n been together off and on since high school? Everything is fine till 2 months before the actual date? Only reasonable.thing would be.nervousness right?
WEll two kids def complicates things and limits your options. do you guys fight a lot? how long ago was this date set and how did it come about? when did u ask her to marry you? one of my serious relationships i spoke of earlier was from my highschool sweetheart. we dated seriously off and on for over 10 years.. but it never ever would have worked and i had to do a lot of growing up to realize that. Old flames can be hard to let go...but sometimes doing that and finding your self is more important. You got a lot of thinking to do son.......
Back in high school n early college we used to just be friends n mess around then one would try controlling the relationship n the other would bounce cus we are neither the type to put up wuyh that shit. we both grew over that after we got older though. The date was set probably a year or so ago. I proposed a little over a year. the date was picked because it is our favorite numbers, 8 is mine 5 is hers. I really am on love with her Im just scared. I also think me just coming off pct isn't helping neither... :-\
there are so many variables!! Idk what it is though. I'm very depressed. my kids even talking I want to snap n tell them shut up. I know I haven't been a great dude to her lately n idk if its my fault she is acting like this or if its she is.nervous too or if she has fallen out of love with me
you guys need to go somewhere nice and quite and private.. maybe a park.. and talk. Also if you are hiding your aas use thats a major prob imo. you guys need to stop being seperate... and focus on being a team. .. and for that to happen you guys are gonna have to stop bsing around and be honest and say some things that probably aint gonna be east and that will change things forever.... but if you guys are meant to be you will figure it all out and move past it... if you cant do that... then id forget about it. before me and girlrilla got married i was feeling the same way... major anxiety!!!! moody as hell too! But, after we sat down and told each other how we felt, what we expected outta each other and in life we both felt much bettew and my wedding turned out to be the best day of my life. (Hit me p in pm about your pct and previous cycle.... some of this can maybe be fixed and is possibly just you)
Ya she doesn't know I used aas
zewiDo not get married. Just being honest.. Love is love.. If trust is gone just don't do it, cause the marriage is already over--it will break you guys and it will be a waste of years. Trust your gut even if you know it will hurt. If you gut says no, then its no. It may hurt now but it will be worth it. Trust me.
Problem is, is we have 2 kids. plus its only 4 weeks away...I didn't have a problem till now really n Im just wondering if its cold feet
Well pelon i think i can relate to where you are coming from since i just recently got married. I felt very very nervous before the big day too... thats normal.... but what you should focus on is is this what you want.. and is she he right one. Don't let her or anyone else pressure you into something you don't want. This is a big deal! For me i knew Girlrilla was the one cause like gothic said.. she was consistant. she never hardly changes.. i never have to guess what shes thinking.. she just tells me. With her i can feel free to tell her anything.... even sex talk and other women and vice versa.... and thats cause we are comfortable with each other and know neither one is going anywhere. We both sat down before we got married and talked about our goals and wants and laid it ALLout on the table.... and it took a while to finally come to an agreement and compramise on everything.... and to realize we WERE compatable. IMO there cant be 2 dominant ppl in a realtionship or 2 submissive... well there can be but i think its much more difficult. I've had several very serious long term relationships.... and girlrilla was the only one that i knew i could not stand to lose. She has made me a better man in every way possible. Just the thought of her being hurt,sad,injured or not in my presence is enough to bring tears to my eyes. If you aren't having some of these feelings Pelon then most likely shes not the one.....and you may wanna consider postponing, or sit down and have a serious talk. If shes not willing to have this talk or work with you and be sincere and honest..... then run.Hope this helps in some way.
The problem is that I do have those feelings of love, I just don't feel it back I guess. N I would be hurt just like you said from any of the things mentioned but I just don't know
If ou not feeling it back get the hell out imo. Girlrila would run and jump off a cliff for me.... and me her.
Thank you
I got one word for you, TRUST! You two can be best friends and love each other all you want but if you dont trust each other the marriage will be doomed from the start. I trust my wife in every aspect of our lives. I trust that she will make the right decisions for our kids and I. Most importantly I trust she would never screw around on me and she knows I would never do it to her. We have been together for 12 years, 5 of those married. Trust has been the foundation of our relationship from the get go.
What about her showing interest in other things like sex books n example magic mike, but not in you. Would that scare you?
Books and shit like that no... another guy yes!
I've married 12 years now. The first 3, it was hell....different culture different lifestyles. Now, she's my best friend my best everything. The key for us has been communication and giving each other a little space once a while. We have 2 beautiful daughters and i feel blessed. I would recommend not running tren anytime soon after the wedding, you'll probly end-up getting a divorce Lol. Felicidades bro !!
After giving space you always came back together? My fear is we will find other things, then people
Not that kind of space lol. I mean like dont be all up on each other's business kind of space
futurebeastMy parents have been married 27 years and give each other space to
Do the activities they enjoy. You need to have time to yourself and so does she if you want it to work. You also need to communicate your feelings and be in control of yourself when you do. Yelling and fighting just makes things worse.
Thanks. I try to keep a cool head but its been really hard lately
It took me ten years of dating my wife before I married her. If someone asked her take me to your leader, would she bring them to you? That's how you make it last. Be a good and faithful leader, and she will respect you. That's all I got for you bro, goof luck and congrats in advance. Now just man up and know that everything you do will effect you both
I have a wife who treats me like a king and loves me more than anything in the world----There's lots of reasons why I married her but the main reason is because she's always the same----never bitchy or upset.
If you guys are fighting frequently, it may be a good idea to hold up. Grrrl and I NEVER fought prior to marriage and very seldom do so now.
Also......if there's ANY jealousy, resolve it now.
Getting married doesn't solve problems....and may make them worse. It sounds from your comments and posts that the relationship already has issues-----I would never get married until those issues have been resolved.
It does seem that either one of us are jealous. for example a few months ago I was talking about having strippers for my bachelor party n she flipped, now the time is around n she is the one saying she doesn't care n Im saying hell no. She says I have been different lately, which I have due to stress, but I feel she is too. Thing is, is we have 2 kids. its like, we been together this long, so is it just the fear of the wedding day or what?! Ya know? We been living together for year too, so its like, nothing is going to change, but for some reason Im scared shitless can't even eat or sleep which is also effecting me. of course getting 3 hours of sleep a night n eating 1 or 2 meals a day
Dude, im getting married august 17th see every argument every annoying thing right now im thinking am i doing the right thing lol.
Part and parcel of a relationship id say people do change or how you see them changes.
For real? I'm getting married august 5th...smh I already have 2 kids but ya we argue over everything now. Wtf. I guess Im kind of glad to hear you are going through it too? Lol
Its been effecting me so bad Im going to see a therapist n get a check up with my reg Dr
Haha were the same been together 9 years two kids also just used money for other things instead of wedding.