This might have been the wholesome fight I've ever seen, I walk away feeling warm, soft and small.

But also inspired. Good job, gentleman

A.I IS BECOMING SERIOUSLY CLEVER ......

Why when wiping my bum from front to back stood up do I always end up with clingons - but when I go in at the side under my glute when sat on the toilet does this never happen?

The difference comes down to a simple combination of anatomy, gravity, and the mechanical angle of attack.

When you change your physical position and the direction your hand approaches from, you completely alter how your skin moves and how effectively the toilet paper can do its job.

Here is exactly why changing your technique makes such a massive difference:

1. The Anatomy of Standing Up (The Clingon Trap)

The Gluteal Squeeze: When you stand up, your large gluteal (butt) muscles naturally contract and pull together. This physically pinches the cheeks closed.
The Trapping Effect: If there is any residual fecal matter left on the exit point, standing up forces your skin and hair to compress directly over it.
The Blind Swipe: Wiping from front to back while standing means your hand is moving blindly upward into a tight, closed space. Instead of cleanly scooping the area, the paper gets compressed by the tightened glute muscles, causing it to glide over the top and leave behind remnants (clingons) trapped in the hair or skin folds.

2. The Mechanics of Sitting and Going from the Side
   The "Spread" Advantage: When you stay seated, the toilet bowl itself helps keep your thighs apart, and the weight of your body naturally spreads your glute muscles open. This keeps the perianal area flat, exposed, and accessible.
   The Perfect Angle: Reaching in from the side, under your glute, gives your wrist and fingers a highly efficient leverage angle. Your hand is moving parallel to the contours of your body rather than fighting against a closing muscle.
   Direct Pressure: Because the cheeks are naturally spread wide while sitting, the toilet paper makes direct, flat contact with the skin. It cleanly lifts and wipes away the residue in one motion rather than smearing it into surrounding hair or skin folds.

The Verdict
Wiping while seated from the side is mechanically superior. It prevents friction from spreading the mess, bypasses the "glute pinch" that happens when you stand, and ensures the paper actually cleans the surface instead of just skimming over tight skin.

HAHAHAHAAAAA

@WINNING3 Welcome inside Milky's tunnel of Love .....