+ 1 Cheating Girlfriend
I found out that last year when i was in jail for 90 days my girlfriend cheated on me. Now we been together for almost five year I just found this out because one of her friends got mad at her and ratted her out to me. When i confronted her she came partially clean she still lies about some of it(like how many time)so I had to drag most of the truth out a little at a time but im sure i still dont know the whole truth. I had no idea this happened so for the last six months we have been planning our wedding which is next month 10/26/2012. The invitations have been sent and nearly everything has been paid for but i dont know what to do. Im crushed over this I am still in love with her but I do not look at her the same way any more and dont know if i ever will again. So my question is what would you do Be embarrassed and call everything off or go thru with it and see if we can work things out.
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dexitrim"In my opinion, sexual infidelity is something a man can NEVER FORGET"
^^^^This
jek555so true
AnonMake her give you a threesome... obviously 2 females, only sounds fair. If the cheating was a one night stand, then let it slide, but if her ass was sober and knew what she was doing then dump her ass. We all have done things we regret when we drank, but straight up sober knowing the difference between right and wrong is not acceptable. You will always have it in the backof your mind, and you will have a chip on your shoulder, and in an argument you will always bring it up, leading to a divorce.
drinking is not an excuse. ever
my wife cheated on me three years ago i was devistated.i decided to stay but always had a chip on my shoulder,i love her and we made it work.we were married 5 years with no kids.since then has been great,8 years total and we have a one year old, a two year and she is now pregnant with twins..all boys!!!...weve had ups and downs but it worked it was hard but it worked,if your the type thats going to bring it up everytime you argue get out now it will never work.things change also,i know you guys may not
believe this but ill tell you anyways i dont know you and you dont know me so what the hell...i found out my wife is bi-sexual before she got pregnant with the twins and hit on my secretary and brought her homeone night,i always had on my mind to cheat on her but didnt have too she let me sleep with both of them???it was just a fling a couple of times,my frustration went out the window and is gone,me and my wife are best friends and have a relationship not to many can and will experience,sounds crazy but it works and i love her,,,i suggest stay ,work it out,you love her and im sure she loves you,who knows you might get lucky like me and never have to cheat on her ..i never told anyone that my wife would kill me if she saw this
I'm a big fan of character tells bro, if you are paying attention everyone with show you who they are...
the big question is what do you want?
CleyonMan, sorry to hear about this. Trust is a hard thing to build back once it's been lost. I'd definitely call off the wedding for now. There is no reason to rush into something like that when you are in a bad situation. Try to work things out if you love each other, but I think postponing the marriage is a bad idea.
dude for a girl to tell you that she loves you and wants to spend the rest of her life with you thur thick and thin and then cheats on you while your at a low in your life..?? why would you even think of staying with her? she fucked another dude when you were in jail..you were only gone for 3 months bro!! what i would do is send every body that you invited to the wedding a letter telling them that the wedding is over because she fucked another dude!! pack your shit move out, get huge, get a hotter cooler chick and never look back bro.. how are you ever going to trust her again? how can you make love to a girl that has been fucking another dude? how do you know when your on vacation drinking with people she isnt thinking of fucking the dude that your right beside.. i got fucked over while in iraq bro was heart broken, but knew that if i ever had to go back the last thing i wanted was to think every fucking day if the one i love is at home getting fucked by the whole fucking neighbor.. dude the money you spent on the wedding just take it as a loss and get the hell out.. there are girls out there that will love you and never cheat..
Right on
Once the trust is broken it is very very very very hard to get it back.
AnonPeople put too much weight on fucking, the question Id want to know is why she did it. If shes naturaly an attention whore and constantly flurts with guys then you may have an issue. If she cheated while you were in jail there may have been other issues and those are more important than the actual act. You need to figure out why she did it before you decide to take any action.
dexitrim" I do not look at her the same way any more and dont know if i ever will again".
You won't, ever. I know from experience. Postpone the wedding, and see if you can work this out, at least in your own mind. If you dig deeper into the details of the affair she had, it will make it worse on you. Ask yourself what you would do if she wasn't pregnant, and the answer will be the course of action you should take.
Supernova283The fact that she tried to get prego with him before coming clean (plus the fact that she probably intended never to tell him) also kind of says something.
Get out now bro. So you lose a little money for what's been payed for, but at least you won't have to pay for a divorce
BostonSimple answer. Do you love each other? If you do than you can work this out and get through anything.
Have to agree with ya Boston. It wont be easy and it will take a LOT of work. She will def have to work on the whole trust factor by trying to maintain ur trust and you'll have to work on forgiving. Wont happen over night and you will neer forget but foregiveness would play a HUGE roll. If you love each other and BOTH are willing to work at it you can overcome it. Always being open and honest even if it hurts is better than being deceiptful and hidin shit. As mom always said..."honesty is the best policy". The ultimate call is on you and if you feel it is worth it and you can overcome it. Sorry you're in such a rough spot! I hate hearin crap like that!
Damn dude bummer... Is there any kids in the mix? That would be the deciding factor for me, no kids, tell that girl to kick rocks... If there was a kid then I would do whatever I had too to get over it for the sake of the kid.. There is enough broken homes already... Question, why in the fuck do you want to know how many times some dude pounded your girl? ONCE IS ENOUGH.
Honestly man, it's going to be difficult, but I would recommend breaking it off with her. You went to jail, which I imagine wasn't very pleasant. She should have known that; instead of supporting you and helping you through it, she cheated on you. If she is going to cheat on you during 90 days of a hard time, who is to say she won't do it again when you have a rough patch in your marriage? If it were me I would break it off. My ex cheated on me after three years and I broke it off with her immediately when I found out, never looked back. It was very difficult for a long time, probably 6 months+ but in the long run I was definitely happier without her. I never could have gotten over it, when I looked at her all I could think about was her fucking the other dude.
no kids born yet she is about six weeks pregnant we had been talking about having a baby for last two years finally decided it was time.Went and got her iud out and started trying about two and a half months ago didnt take long for her to get pregnant so that add more complications. I was extatic about all this getting married, gonna have a baby but in one day it went from a dream come true to a nightmare. CRAZY HUH
Supernova283Oh shit a kid's coming. That kinda makes things a lot more complicated.
well that changes everything man. gotta lay it all out for her. if she wants things to work out between the two of you she will tell you anything you want to know about what happened, no more lies. also if you even have the slightest feeling she's still been cheating then make sure its yours. If the kid is yours and you really love her then in the long run itll be better if you can work it out imo
this is exactly what i thing about
Any girl that cheats on you dosnt care enough about you not to. But dont cheat on her, that will make you just as wrong as her. DUMP her ass its 1 strike and shes out bro, if she did it once she would most likely do it again. But do what you want.
Fuck that cheating bitch sounds harsh but speaking from a guy in the middle of a divorce with a 3 yr old it's easy to say. Plenty of fish in the sea.
This might just be because im so irritated with this whole situation but seriously what i feel like doing is giving her some of her own treatment. Going through with the wedding acting like im cool with what she has done i accept her apology and everything is alright just as i thought things were. Then in about six month start banging the first hot broad i come across that is up for it, letting my friends know untill one of them rat me out, and one of then would. See how she likes to feel like this
If this leads to a divorce, then you've lost half of your money and assets.
Two wrongs don't make a right bro.
so true
Worst idea ever! That's how immature girls act. You hurt my feelings so I'm going to fuck your friends. Don't be that person. I know if i was in your shoes I would be hurt, but I would understand I left this person in a bad situation. I would stay, but that's just me. I wouldn't try to get revenge, but maybe couples therapy to have a better understanding of each others actions.
Well, don't do that. If you're married and you cheat on her during the marriage she can take all of your money. She would still win in the end because she would own you financially.
I will NEVER get married!
She can take your money without you cheating.
Do not even seek revenge. Just leave and never talk to her again. If you work it out she will screw around on you until you man up and leave. Think of how pissed your going to be when your wife brings you home warts or herpes.
Supernova283X2
trust me bro if she has any feelings for you at all...walking away from her would hurt her more then trying to get back at her... its a fucked up thing she did, i would walk bro, atleast for the short term get her chasing you then you hold all the cards
3.letters.
R.U.N
WALK AWAY FROM THIS BITCH AND DO NOT LOOK BACK! DO NOT TALK TO HER AGAIN. RUN. HEAD FOR THE HILL. I AM NOT BULLSHITTING YOU WILL SCREW YOUR LIFE UP IF YOU MARRY HER.Resend invites and say its off. Do not marry her. Do not talk to her again. RUNNNNNN
You were in jail for 90 days brother...might have to let this one slide as doing 3 months may have had her questioning the relationship...seems when your out and about taking care of buisness there is no problems.....That said, if you love her then work with it....No one is a virgin but chalk this one up to whatever mistake happened that got you 90 days.
This is what my closest friend said also. I know at the time of me being jailed she was talking like she was gonna leave me if i kept getting in trouble because this was not the first time she had to deal with me leaving for awhile but at the same time she wrote me heart felt letters while i was in saying she was there for me and would never leave also the day i got out she was there with open arms acting like i never left and that things were just as they were before i went away so there was a lot of deseption.
if a bitch cant keep her legs shut for 3 months then she is a slut. He needs to say screw her and walk away.
Yeah, I thought about this thread over lunch...If she isn't going to be with you during the hard times then man it might be time to let her go...This has to feel like a punch in the gut....Quick question though....Have you ever cheated on her in the last 5 years?
This is definately a tough situation, but if you are getting out it is now or never. The fact that she was cheating with "low libido" tells me she is still cheating. Also, the fact that her friends know means she was playing you because she is not even hiding it. But the bright side is if you stay cool, break it off like a gentleman and be the victim that you are a lot of her friends will line up to console you. Similar shit happened to me and I ended up marrying one of the girls friends who is much hotter and has been a great wife to this point.
Supernova283I don't know. Personally I don't know what I'd do unless put in that situation. On one hand you have the fact that she cheated. This means that she couldn't have cared enough about you to overcome her lust. So she's either weak, or just doesn't care enough. On the other hand I've felt a similar crushing feeling and while there was nothing I could do to save my own relationship that feeling was one of the worst I've ever felt. Going from extremely happy and content to utterly crushed isn't really the greatest of feelings.
It's a personal choice, but in the end I'd probably dump her. I've found over the years that new love (excluding first) is usually just as good as the last after a period of time and knowing she cheated on you would be hard to get through and maybe not even worth it as she might do it again.
Plenty more fish in the sea... chin up mate!!!
Wow that's such a difficult question / situation you're in... The fact that it was so difficult to even get her to tell you the whole truth is troubling to me, makes me wonder if it could happen again, ya know? Obviously I don't know enough details about the situation but if she was truly regretting and wanting to put the cheating behind her, i think she would have just immediately brought out the entire truth and tried to be done with it...
I thought the same thing. The only thing i can say is she has been really upset, crying and apologizing alot now im not sure if thats because she regrets what happened like she says or because she is embarrassed she got caught and i know I no.Before i found out she never missed a beat i had no idea anything was wrong or had happened
yea it would be different if SHE was the one who brought it up to you (wanting to clean house before taking the serious step of marriage). that wasn't the case though... that's troubling for me man.
Very troubling.
She may feel this way since the wedding is coming up, and the embarrassment of calling everything off may cripple her feelings - but since she knows this, i don't see why she doesn't tell you everything
Mate sorry to hear that. I say if feelings aren't mutual don't do it. Embarrassment is nothing compared to wasted years. Life is short. Being on the inside you would have had that amplified already. All the best.
damn bro this is a hard one.. i guess it all come down to how much you really love her... if it was me, i dont think i could handle it but if i did, i would make her pay for it thats for sure, she would be giving me another girl in bed with us until i felt satisfied that i forgive her
Im not sure I can deal with it but telling her and my family the truth and calling everything off after a good amount of time and money has been spend setting this thing up may even be more embarrassing and harder to deal with. I just dont know