posted Fri, 03/29/2013 - 20:42
2203
Best friend's dad passed away
ad
hey It sucks, but i found out about it today from other friends. I texted him telling em that im there for support... im very awkward when it comes to these situation, i realize he needs some time alone. but what exactly do i do? do i hit em up in a couple of days to check on em, or do i hit em up tomorrow?? his dad just passed away today.
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I think everyone covered it here...personally I wouldn't want to see anyone in person but a phone call goes a long way. If you want to do something send him and his family a delivered dinner. No need to intrude on their space until they are ready imo
i agree with everyone here, but blended. You dont wanna pity the guy, he wont like that. But you have to be present and available without making him feel like a bitch, like you feel sorry for him. Dont ask him how he is, dont ask questions or even talk much, dont even look him in the eye unless he looks you in the eye. Just be around. Ask him to hang out (however you do, gym, bar, golf, doesnt matter) as much as he will tolerate it. Even if he likes to keep to himself i feel like showing your presence can create the feeling of support. Good luck to you both.
I agree with this as well as every point of view could be the one that is needed, because the truth is it really depends on the individual that is morning and what type of comfort they prefer. Which is the great thing about multiple ideas because they all could be valid on a case by case basis. and who better to judge then XV who knows his friend in this particular case.
agreed
AnonI think in a week or two this may hit him hard . After the service and the funeral and all "the noise" dies down he may really need a friend. So thats fine, play it loose now but be prepared to show him your friendship in the near future and of course beyond
Nah dude fuck that advice, that's the laziest shit ever to say to someone, especially your friend... "I'm here for you if you need me"
Go to his house, bring him dinner, talk about the good times... Help him take a load him off his shoulders. Don't just let him spend time alone depressed and expect him to hit YOU up.
Brother I would love to but I'm not sure if I can. Last thing I want is for him to get pissed because I feel bad for em
You must be speaking from your extensive life experience. You know you can disagree without being rude and thinking your way is the only way to approach the situation because it isn't. It is a valid way and could very well be the right one but you lose credibility by the way you present it and condemning any idea that isn't yours.
breakingfaceDon't worry bro- you're not alone. Detail's personality disorder has irritated more than a few of us. Just the other day he added me as a friend only to msg me "phaggot" because he was sour about a thread that didn't go his way weeks ago.
Oh, I have a personality disorder now? Lol. I added you as a friend because I don't get off to putting people on blast in public and disrupting the peace within a thread, and decided to talk civilly with you... But what do you do? Accept it a week late and continue slandering my posts in the meantime, just as you are doing with this post. Keep my name out of your mouth already.
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Participants: breakingface and Details
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Details
Mar 30th, 2013
"Just wanted to let you know you're a phaggot. That's all, have a nice day."
I can appreciate your thoughts here and understand where you are comming from but you need to understand that people need there space and have to come to terms with the loss of a loved one on their own. Having to sit there and fake being strong to save face for someone else makes things all the more difficult. It may feel like you are doing the wrong thing but I can assure you the person will appreciate the fact that you did not pressure them. Even though that is not your intension this is how it feels to most people in that situation.
breakingfaceedit.
Let him do his thing. If he already knows you're there that's about all you can do. I remember what is was like for me, I was 23 when the old man passed. Depending on how it happened it may not even hit him for a long time.
AnonIf youre his best mate bro just let him know youre there for him whenever hes ready bro.. It may be annoying but thats better than him thinkin your a selfish fool and dont give a damn...
For me when I mourn I like to be left alone. I don't want to be hearing everyone say "if you need anything please tell me", even though people mean well it is more of a burden to me to have everyone bombarding me with their well intentions. I know those who love me are and will be there for me but honestly it is about him and his dad and the need to process that loss. You reached out and did what a good friend should, but my advice is let him be until he reaches back out to you.
It is an exhausting process to deal with your on feelings and everyone who means well but usually says the most absurd things. "They are in a better place", well maybe they are but no one knows for sure. "Or at least they did not suffer", "He really loved you", "I know what you must be going through", when they don't. "Or I can't imagine what you are going through", which doesn't help. And even if you know what they are going through it is their time to go through it, the less people they have to entertain and pretend to be nice to the easier it is to mourn what should be mourned.
I know everyone is different in the way they cope, this is my way. You can even say to him in a message." I love you, I am thinking about you and I am here for you, but I don't want to be another person that you have to entertain during this painful time, so I will not bother you until you give me the OK ."
But ultimately my friend follow your own conscious, and you will do fine.
Thank u so much brother , u have no idea how golden ur advice is to me , some one who is younger. I appreciate ur wisdom . Sadly no matter what I do , I'm very awkward at these situations. I think my biggest problem is I don't know the right from the wrong . Well... Thank u
My pleasure brother, there is no right or wrong honestly when your motive is to do what is best for your friend, that speaks volumes and he will know that. If some one said to me what you just wrote and I was in his situation I would take it as the most sincere thing that one could give me. Because it is true and humble.
Solid advice.
I read what you wrote it is identical, you are just more skilled in saying it with fewer words:). Wish I had that talent.
Has nothing to do with talent. I have just given the advice thousands of times.
Just let him know that you are there for him if he needs you and leave it at that. Let him approach you from there. Refrain from saying things like I know how you feel, Im sorry, or I understand what you are going through.