Alcoholism comes with Divorce...
Hey guys and Gals,
How is everyone? Well I am just here to vent. Been going thru alot this last year. Me my wife my 4 yr old daughter, we all have been going thru aLOT. Me and my wife split up last year in october, she stayed with me in our house until January and moved out. Now its just me and my little girl, which i take care of every day. Never got a divorce guess I been waiting on my wife to come around.
I split up with her cus all she wants to do is drink, and every weekend just party till 3 am maybe not come home till 9 10 am the next morning. You can only take so much, meanwhile my daughter had to hear us argue and just wasnt healthy. You would think she would want to hang with me and her daughter or at least take care of her daughter sometimes. But she is just happy drinking and partying. She is 29, I just dont get it. Every other weekend she will come by and visit or maybe take out our daughter, and maybe take her back to her place. Just sucks. Well now she just told me Saturday she is going on a date. So now I guess im done waiting for her to miss her family. I have to get a divorce now, we talked she wants to file separation, but i told her na, if you are going on dates then you really dont want to be married. Just hard, I am a family man love sports love to be a caring guy and I just dont get it. I feel i went above beyond in our 6 yr relationship, and I knew deep down I wasn't happy, but i still did everything. I dont want to blame alcohol but her mom n dad are split up and are alcoholics dysfunctional. I feel like that is what she is used to and dont see how she is hurting me. Damn. Life. Well i have Jesus Christ on my side, and have my beautiful little girl. So time to keep my head up.
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rxagentI'm so sorry to hear that. I'm here trying to recover from a 2+ year relationship that I messed up in every possible way you can imagine. My ex was fighting for me daily through everything I put her through and one day the third time I broke up with her enough was enough. She has since moved on and I've been pretty devestated at everything I gave away. We could have been living together and I would have loved her to be the mother of my kids. So warm, kind, caring, honest, would always go out of her way. I'm heartbroken BUT, this doesn't compare to what your going through. I sympathize because I understand how hard it can be. I wish you the best of luck and you and I one day will realize everything happens for a reason and will be truly happy again one day
@Hazykronic, keep strong brother. That's one of the reasons we are here. The world "doesn't get it" in regards to AAS. Yes, I know, some people use AAS for the absolute WRONG reasons, but for most of the people here, they freaking care. They want people to reach their goals in healthy ways, whether it be to put on 5 pounds of muscle for summer time pool parties, or win the next Olympia. These peeps care, and they put their time into writing posts and replies with good advice based on good and bad experiences. They freaking care. Me too.
In this case, @GearHead's comment regarding his experience below is proof of people caring, let alone every post on this thread. Even though we are on-line, peeps still care.
Someone, someday in the future, is gonna get on this forum and find your post above. By sharing your experience, you're helping him/her get through the tough s**t that they're facing. They'll know they're not alone either. Regardless of your troubles and heartache, you're helping others by sharing. That shows incredible character on your part.
Don't give up. Life beats us down all the time. Winners simply don't give up. We keep going, regardless of the score. Don't give up! Got you back, brother.
Bro,
I am a recovered alcoholic. I almost drank myself to death and it is by the grace of God and His mercy that I am alive today. The recovery rate from alcoholism these days is about 3%.
As a non-alcoholic, there is no way you can understand your wife, comprehend her actions and priorities nor predict what she will do. What she does and will do as she sinks deeper into alcohol addiction will make no sense to you. As time passes, the only thing that will matter to her is where and when she is going to get her next drink. Nothing else. Not you, not your daughter, just the bottle.
It takes a tremendous amount of pain and suffering for an active alcoholic to seriously want to stop. Most never stop and either die directly from the disease or indirectly in an auto accident or such.
Trying to reason with her will get you nowhere. The only people that can possibly reach her are recovered alcoholics like myself. You can try to get her into a rehab but understand the success rate is slim. If you can get her into a rehab or a psych hospital after a week or so she will begin to dry out and can be reasoned with during that time - maybe.
I would ask the Lord for His help in getting your wife to that certain point where she is sick and tired of being sick and tired. At that moment, she can snap out of it. It took me about 20 seconds to recover after years of drinking. I really think that nothing short of divine intervention will save her. If you don't understand what I am trying to tell you, no worries. There is a group called Al-Anon that is for the non-alcoholic that has a family member who is drinking. You can look up meetings on the internet. It may help you deal with her.
I understand about the divorce and such, but as your daughter's mom, she will most likely always be in your life. It will be a much easier ride to have an ex-wife that is sober rather than drunk.
Best Wishes.
Bro just put your trust and hope in jesus the while thing sucks man i. Am sorry this is happening to you but where the enemy breeds death god makes life keep in the word and in prayer he will get you through this i know its easier said than done just take it one day at a time
Yeah time is a healer. Just funny how I still love her and for some reason I feel like I would give it another shot. Just wish she would let her depression/alcohol abuse to calm down. Its just weird how i know it will not work we drive each other insane, but I still want it to work out. I think it is cus i see our daughter every day, and at night she will cry for her mom and it hurts. Or sometimes my baby tells me she is mad at her mom cus she is gone. So i guess there is hurt from different points, my love for her, not seeing her own baby, just going out. I am just torn. Still havent started the divorce paper work but i am eventually.
About another woman... I know it sounds weird but the relationship i was in never satisfied me. i was always wanting more, I felt as if my wife never gave me herself full heartedly, like she held back because she did not want to feel vulnerable. So its like i have had a heart ache ever since we were together but she got pregnant and I manned up took care of her and our child, provided a house, she has a vehicle i provided and now I am letting her have the vehicle. their are step kids involved which i will miss, and they had there own rooms n our house. So its alot of mixed emotions.
Time is a healer and of course once i find someone i like, will help too. Appreciate all the messages bruhs, You all have helped me get thru these days of just feeling lonely n all. I am feeling better then yesterday, just takes time...
What you're feeling is normal. What you need to come to grasp with is that she's an addict and you can't do anything about that. Only she can do something about it and it doesn't look like she's anywhere near that point.
As for your daughter, yes it sucks that her mother is gone, but she's much better off without her around at this time. No child needs to be raised by an addict mother and no kid comes out of a situation like that un-scarred.
Count your blessings that you have a wonderful daughter, do all you can to protect and love her and things will turn out alright. Just have a little hope and perseverance.
it will get better brother. It hurts now but it will get better. Obviously she is not the one for you. You will find someone else who is caring and treats you right. Just don't fall for the 1st woman you date unless you really think she is the one,
Sorry to hear that but not coming home till the next morning is not a good sign and would have been enough for me ,who really knows what she was doing. It sucks shes not more of a mother but the kids come first and I'm sure better will find you, just keep your head up and be a good dad.
Sorry bro. Been there recently. My wife left me in september. We have 4 year old son. Same shit, left us and was living it up being single. Meanwhile I was depressed but tried to keep happy face in front of son. Divorce was final in march. I had him every day until about three weeks ago. I miss him, but not her. I will never forgive that bitch for what she did to my life. Good luck bro.
I feel ya man. I'm still off my game. Hit th gym today tho. Feelin a lil better Time is gonna help. I know.
Appreciate it everyone.
StevebIf she is not trying to get a divorce it is only because she will try to get you for alimony later. Hopefully you have not bee married more than 10 years.
na just 2 years. We keep it civil, but this week I am getting th divorce done; the beginning i should say. She is not even going to make an appearance in court. She already told me that. So ill just have custody, done deal. Not gonna make her pay me child support tho, she can barely take care of herself. I dunno man, just seems she is in a downward spiral, n now since she moved out she just got worse with the alcohol.
Damn thats tough. Youre making the right call to cut her loose. Waiting for her to come around is a lose situation either way it goes. Focus on daughter, and try to keep at least a civil relationship with your "ex"wife. She will always be your daughter's Momma, and that relationship needs to be strong.....unless of course her behavior endangers your daughter. Be strong.
Hold onto that little girl bro. They grow up way too fast. You're doing the right thing for her and you. Sorry that you've been put in this situation
Damn, I am sorry brother. You are in an impossible situation. Hurt is inevitable. She has gotten used to having her cake and eating it to apparently. No matter, it is time to make it official. No man or woman should put up with abuse like that and abuse is what she is doing to all three of you. You deserve better and so does your daughter. Maybe some day your wife will wake up and do what it takes to heal herself.
StevebDivorce her and get child support from her. Being nice never gets you anywhere with selfish people.
Whatever happens, remember you've done the right thing because you put your daughter first. Might not feel this way at the moment, but it sounds like the best thing for all of you.