posted Thu, 07/09/2026 - 03:28
608
+ 5 LMFDirty Arse Off!!!!!
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In preparation for the Big Day I decided to try something out that is going to be required if I want to live with a Clean Rectum!!!
Just tried using my Left Hand to wipe the Shitter and OMFGGGG this is NO Joke!!!!
I can't even get the fingers under the toilet paper to touch the Star Fish LMAO!!! Still about 1/2 inch off - It sounds simple to do but in reality its a Nightmare.
So My CHALLENGE to everyone who still has to drop the kids off at the pool today is to try this with the WRONG hand - Once you have done or have even managed to find the right technique for it then come back here and leave a comment 
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Kids are just Gay-Cover.
I bet it’s a mess back there lol.
Here goes
Flew into London with my little sister in tow. Just turned 18 and I prepared myself for driving BUT
Get to the rental company and the car I reserved was not available. They bring out this MIni, not the new version!
I am too tired to do anything but squeeze into this death trap. SOB the thing is a standard and I cannot even see the stick.
No choice but to push the (please forgive me) button and tell my sister what gear to shift into. We made it to the funeral in time while trying to avoid adding to procession.
Id say find the biggest chick in the grocery store and ask her how she reaches that far around lol
I learned this the hard way a few years ago when I dislocated my right shoulder. It's just not something people think about in advance so good that you did and can practice. I always call my left arm retarded because it's coordination is so bad. But after some practice even though I can barely use a loofa with my left hand to wash correctly, I can at least use it to wipe my ass if needed
This thread reminded me of one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.
I’ve always been an adrenaline junkie. These days it’s fast cars, boats, skydiving, etc. Back then it was doing flips off the swings at recess.
One day my best friend bet me I couldn’t do a double front flip. I’d already mastered single front flips and backflips, so I figured, “How hard could it be?”
Well… I snapped both bones in my right forearm, and one was sticking out through my skin.
Off to the hospital. The worst part wasn’t breaking it, it was having it set. I screamed like a little bitch. The doctor sent me home with liquid Tylenol with codeine and a cast.
That’s when I discovered trying to wipe your ass with your non-dominant hand is basically impossible.
Two days later I was back at school, high as hell on Tylenol with codeine, getting everyone to sign my cast. Recess comes around…
What does my dumb ass do?
I tried a double backflip.
Snapped the other arm. Same hospital. Same doctor. New bottle of Tylenol with codeine. Lifetime ban from the swings.
So how do you wipe your ass for eight weeks with both arms in casts?
I wrapped my right cast in a plastic grocery bag and sent it. Figured if both arms are broken, I might as well use the hand that actually knows what it’s was doing.
These days I own a bidet. Only need the toilet paper to pat dry.
Highly recommended. 10/10. Would’ve saved 10-year-old me a lot of anxiety.
Good luck with your ass, and the surgery.
What does this mean mate??
I just had the funniest exchange with ChatGPT getting it to make a photo…
I wrapped my cast in a plastic grocery bag so I wouldn’t get shit on it, then used that hand anyway. If both arms are broken, you might as well use the one with the experience.
AAaagh okay I get ya - I thought you meant you Shat on your hand in the grocery bag then sent it down the toilet - But I still didn't understand how you wiped it??!!!! LMAO
So why the bag over the hand - do you not use loo roll to wipe your arse bro??!!
I still used toilet paper. The grocery bag was just to keep the cast clean and dry. Last thing I wanted was to end up with eight weeks of shit marinating inside a fiberglass cast.
Between the cast and being high as hell on Tylenol with codeine, the whole process was more guesswork than technique.
Nah bro first thing in boot camp are you are leaner to left or right .... I don't think it changes lol
I have no idea what this means bud lol
Times like this just bust out the shower wand and do the ol rinse-a-roonie.
THE ANSWER ......
Wiping with your non-dominant hand feels difficult because of motor asymmetry, the lack of bilateral training in fine motor skills, and an unfamiliar proprioceptive mapping (knowing where your body is in space). Your dominant hand has decades of practice optimizing reach, angle, and pressure for this precise task.
The Mechanics of Muscle Memory and Cleanliness
When using your non-dominant hand, your brain struggles to execute the same precise, controlled movement. Your body also compensates for the weaker hand by reducing overall coordination, making it significantly harder to achieve the proper angle and pressure needed for a safe, front-to-back wipe without discomfort. Because the skin in the anal region is extremely thin and delicate, using a hand lacking muscle memory can easily lead to inefficient cleaning or over-vigorous scrubbing that causes inflammation and soreness.
Alternative Solutions for Better Hygiene
If you are forced to use your non-dominant hand—due to an injury, surgery, or a medical condition like arthritis—you can adapt your routine to make the process easier and much more hygienic:
Use Water: Consider utilizing a bidet or a handheld peri bottle to spray away residue. This reduces the mechanical demand on your hands.
Moisten the Paper: Use pre-moistened flushable wipes or wet your toilet paper, as this conforms to body contours and picks up debris much more easily than dry tissue.
Adjust Posture: Leaning slightly forward on the toilet helps spread the cheeks naturally. Standing up presses the cheeks together and makes the entire process more difficult.
Ever use the Bum Guns in SE Asia? Its a kitchen spray gun that you attached to the plumbing of your toilet. Spray your ass with it if needed. I just installed a couple in my mothers house. Theyre very comfortable. I highly recommend.
OMFG No word of a Lie - just tried staying sat down on the toilet seat and leaning forward a little and it BLOODY WORKS!!!! LMAO Full Contact Wipe Achieved!!!!
Grab a spray bottle, dilute it with water and degreaser....add in a dash of mint so it feels real fresh and clean clean.
I've had to do this. Lucky for me in pretty ambidextrous. Believe it or not brushing your teeth with your left hand will get you to be able to do all the same things with your left that you can do with your right. Also writing with your left hand. Maybe you can start doing those things so you'll be good to wipe your ass when the time comes. Lol
Mate this is Hilarious that you have said this - I think you may be the same as me. Its actually known as Mixed Handedness OR Cross dominance where I use my left hand for things like writing, eating sweets and other finger food and then I use my right hand for things like playing the guitar and playing tennis. So the things requiring more force and less precision is right hand and then smaller precision guided tasks is left hand. Ambidextrous is where you can do ANYTHING at all equally as well with both hands. I still wipe my arse with right hand though, shave with left hand. Brush teeth with Left too.
Lol... well you sure are a fancy fucker since you have a hand for light tasks and a hand for heavy tasks. Lol..
I don't use my left hand for light things like that. I can though. I can also switch hit in baseball and do so the same things with either hand i am better with my right though. I had a situation though where i had to use my left hand to wipe my ass cuz i had no choice. And i got the hang of it pretty easily. I attributed it to doing things like brushing my teeth with both hands and really probably is cuz when i was little i wanted to be able to write with both hands. My father could use his left or right. He was actually lefty when he was a kid they would make the kids who were lefty learn everything right handed.... idk why. They did believe gay people were all lefties so maybe they figured there be no gay people if they made all lefties righty's lmao.
I went to Montessori school as a little kid, and they forced me to write with my right hand.
My mom didn’t find out until years later when she was going through old school notes and progress reports she’d never read. As soon as she realized they’d been forcing me to switch hands, she was furious and pulled me out. It completely goes against the whole philosophy of Montessori, which is supposed to let children develop naturally, not force them to change.
The funny part is my entire family is left-handed. Grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles… every one of them. And not a single one is gay. Maybe I’d be gay if they’d just let me stay left-handed.
I’m kind of a mixed bag now. I shoot, use a knife, and do any ultra-fine detail or dexterity work left-handed. Pretty much everything else I do is right-handed.
I’ve heard I may have ended up cross-dominant because I was switched so young. I’ve also heard that if I committed to writing with my left hand for a few months, my handwriting might actually end up better because that may have been my natural preference all along. I have no idea if that’s true, but it’s an interesting thought. My handwriting is atrocious.
Bro you are fucking hilarious that bad me DYING!!! "maybe I'd be gay of they let me stay left handed."
Pretty crazy how they used to do that though.
So fucking crazy, absolutely fucked.
Maybe there’s an alternate universe where I’m left-handed, have beautiful handwriting… and apparently a husband. Imagine spending years forcing a kid to switch hands just for him to end up typing everything with his thumbs on a phone anyway.
Right...
imagine spending years teaching a kid to write right handed just for him to become a woman, or a flaming beautician. Lmao
I'm sure that's happen too. If they want the ding a Lang they're gonna get it no matter what hand they write with. Lmao.
Is this actually a 'thing' in the US that if you write left handed you are Gay??!!
Yeah, not really a widespread thing, but some older, ultra-conservative or religious communities definitely had weird ideas about left-handedness. Some people associated “left” with being wrong, sinful, or abnormal. Plenty of schools also forced left-handed kids to write with their right hand because they thought it was more proper.
Ironically, I come from a pretty conservative family and every single one of them is left-handed… except me.
My father is from Queens NYC so i figured they did it there in the countries biggest city they did it everywhere at the time. It was the 60s when he was in pre school/ kindergarten whichever it was. They had stopped by time i started school.
Same shit with my dad, mom, aunts, and uncles. They were all born in the ’50s and ‘60s. Some of their teachers still tried to force them to write right-handed, but by then the policy had changed and the schools couldn’t really enforce it anymore.
It’s wild what people once thought counted as “education.”
ROFL
I thought they had a bidets (sink that washes ass) all over Europe. Fuck wiping, I’m letting the sink do the work hahahah
Not to sound cliche but sending prayers your way for your surgery bro
Only the Elite tend to have them bud - I don't even have the room in my tiny bathrooms. Man if wiping Ass is hard I DREAD to think what havin a Wank is gonna feel like :-(
https://a.co/d/00eQs08Y
That does actually look like a good idea - but I assume I would need to get a plumber in to rig up a water line? lol I can see it becoming messy if I'm spraying my ass and its running onto the toilet seat!!!
I think some kind of small scrubbing brush on a handle to reach an extra few inches would do the trick for what I need.
No, if you scroll through the images, there's a video showing how to install it. I got this exact one for my wife when she got pregnant with our newest daughter. Easy and clean.
Sounds like you’ll be installing a bidet
As much as I hate to admit it… they are life changing.
They really are life changing. I hate pooping anywhere else now because just wiping feels gross.
Not going to lie... I thought everyone in Europe had them.
The people who I've seen own them tend to be wealthy people who live in big houses who also have big bathrooms to fit one in, my Gran use to have a few in her house LMAO
That’s not me for sure! I’m just a mechanic.
You can get a tiny unit that sits right on top of your toilet under the toilet lid.
Installed it myself. 10 minutes.
Difference between running water and an outhouse. The avg American has no fucking clue.
The luxury heated jobs are worth every penny, but you can get a cheap cold water blaster that would be better than nothing if you can't wipe.
My wife got me one as a gag gift ($30) for Christmas one year.
I fell in love with it. Heated water? Oh man.
I need to look into this.
Just hop in the shower afterwards. And pray you don’t gotta shit in a public restroom lol
Thing is though is what if its a bad runny one and I end up with shit all over the shower floor, I'm gonna have to scrape that up LMAO It will then end up inevitably blocking the shower drain which will also need unblocking!! Then there's having to take the sling off each time Lol
It would just wash down the drain lmao. How much shit do you got running down your leg?!? I’d hope most of it ended up in the toilet.
Side note. How do people like nick walker or Samson dauda take shits? There’s absolutely no way they can reach anything back there. So they either have to bidet or shower after each one. Right?
From what I am realising, I think you develop some kind of extra back muscle that helps you extend that far back and round which the other side doesn't have - I just cannot get the reach or the angles LOL @Greg Got any words of wisdom on this?
Get a shit eating dog.
Hahahahahahaha
HAHAHAHHA Best Answer - what do I do when it needs a Shit though???!!
Amateur
I thought all you blokes across the pond used bidets. Spray that asshole off brother lol