Hey kids, Ed here.

Last week, I packed my bags, a few guns and some hunting gear into my truck and headed for a short hunting/business trip.
My buddy introduced me to a brother of his who wanted me to invest in "stock". No kids, I'm not talking about the stock market but the cattle market.
No, not meat but actual professional rodeo bucking stock. The package included a little hunting time so I was all ears.
At any rate, not going to get into the details about the business end of it but for some crazy ass reason towards the end of the trip I found my "ego writing checks that my body can't cash." As I talked a future partner into letting me ride a genuine PBR rank fricken bull.
At the time it sounded like a good idea but now in hind sight I'm realizing it was probably one of the dumber ideas that I've had this decade.
So..with a little persuasion I found myself sitting a-top a behemoth of a bull. They strapped my hand into the riggins? Sp? Asked me if I wanted a suicide rap, it sounded badass so I decided on that option until they stArted wrapping the rope back around my hand. I then became a pussy and opted out of that particular method.
So there I was with the instructions to run like hell once I was bucked off to avoid getting gored. I didn't have any clowns (besides myself of course) just a cowboy pulling the rope to the chute and another on a horse in the small arena. My friend and a couple of other guys sat there laughing at me telling me that I was going to get killed but hey, who gives a shit. If you were given a chance to play Michael Jordan in a basketball game would you do it even though you know you are going to lose? Hell yeah you are. So yeah I'm going to go against the best even if it's a bull.
Now I'm going to make a small admission, I also took the pussy route and took the ride without the strap that they wrap around the Bulls flanks to piss him off.
No matter..I was there. Wearing camo, hunting boots and a camo beanie. Ready to ride that bull.
In my best Texas accent, I nodded my head and said "let er rip boys!"
The cowboy opened the chute and I'll tell you what my fellow eroiders. I realized in about .005 seconds that I was going to get my ass kicked if not killed. That sonofabitch blew out of that chute like Bill Clinton at a party in the playboy mansion on Hillary's birthday. (Yeah I realize that didn't make a lot of sense). At any rate, that prick jumped forward, knocking my face into the front part of his hump, and doing some flippy twist that I still can't understand he launched me at least 75 feet into the air.
Those witnessing the event said I squealed my mothers name as I flew through the air and landed on my feet, tripped and flat faced what I believe was a large pile of elephant shit.
I got up, ran like a bitch to safety and that's the end. Hind site, probably the dumbest thing I've done in a really long time.
In conclusion kids, the moral to the story is this: bulls are really big and scary and there is a reason the guys who ride them are only about a buck forty five in weight.
Well that's all I learned. You are all now dumber for having read this.

All my love, no homo
Ed