There is no way that if you were unhappy yr wife was happy...women sense things long before men....maybe yr wife shut down a few years back and you are just catching up..i can totally understand why you connected with a new women...falling in love is rediscovering yourself.....you are by far not the same person you were 20 years ago neither is yr wife so maybe you both grew into different people and grew apart....a marriage certificate does not guarantee happiness ....in fact there are no guarantees in life except that you will die....only you can make you happy and you only have this one experience called life in which to grow and evolve...im sure this new woman will bring you new learning experiences; maybe happiness maybe sorrow either way life is about the journey not the end result and the end result of life is not conventional marriage...i do not advocate cheating but i do not believe in sticking it out for the kids either....yr 2 children are grown be honest with them they can handle the truth...the 7 year old will adjust as long as both her parents are loving to her and civil with each other and you can be honest with her too you'd be surprised how wise the younger children are. hope this helps a bit

good luck :0)

I left my wife, who I had 2 children with (they were 4 and 2 at the time) for another woman. Brother the grass is not always greener. All women are basically the same and may have slight differences but again, are basically the same. After 11 years of being divorced from my first and with my second I can't stop thinking of what was and what could have been. I missed so much of my kids growing up. I see pictures of them with their mom and know that I wasn't in the picture because I was with the "other woman." I know that some can find happiness but honestly, you should have waited a good enough of time AFTER the divorce to find someone else. Believe me, women at the first year of knowing you are going to put on their best side but as time goes by you will notice that little things that you didn't know about the person will slowly peek it's head out. I hope you don't regret the decision. Especially since your 7 year old will likely, as has happened to me, accidentally call you their step daddy's name.

It blows my mind for all the men who do comment on here they are too unhappy n told their wives; but it was after the fact they already met someone. Of course seeing a new person will make ur home life unhappy. Anything new is exciting. I'm not here to judge. Just a thought to maybe make how u feel with the new lady to try with ur wife to feel that edge again. Rather It's sending her sweet sexy messages, nude pics, taking her on a date while both all dressed up, or a getaway mini vacation. Sometimes someone has to know their flaws to improve.
My relationship isnt perfect but in my heart I know who I want forever n how to keep him. It is important for a girl to keep up on herself (nails, hair, makeup, tan, fitness) to keep her man interested. Never disrespect them and show them how happy you are. Now this is the same for men..maybe you both or one has lost themselves along the way n someone just need to spark that fire again. Idk about you but I rather have my soulmate who has been with me for a long time that knows me inside n out then deal with the new while it lasts n start all over again learning with trial n error. Love is amazing. Spend it with who makes you happy. Best of luck!

Wow bro this is my exact situation, was with my wife for 16yrs and for the last 2-3yrs I have just been unhappy. Believe me I tried but she wasn't. I finally said it was time to go our separate ways (she didnt agree but im unhappy and its better that way). I have 2 kids, 9 and 6. I met a girl that I told I was married and had children, she recently got out of an abusive relationship. We talked and connected like we knew eachother for years. Now my kids are asking why im sleeping on the couch and why I dont love their mom any more, I dont know what to say. I wish you the best of luck bro. Know that your not the only one goin through this type of situation.

I know words through a computer never cone out right. With that being said. Most people have vows that they promise too GOD that for better or worse,sickness and health.until death do we part. It just seams that vow should be remembered. Because if our vow is broken. What does that say about us? I hope and pray you find the answer to this question. 20 years is a lot throw away. But this is your life and I hope you the best on this decision.

I've read this thread as it's progressed and have held my tongue. I can do so no longer. I think there is a solution to your problem and here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fsj2wdFDmLk

Everything can be solved by song. ;-)

Remember the 80, 20 rule. Watch this my Nooka! http://youtu.be/Wcd2haXsCPk

I understand falling in love with someone other than your wife, trust me I have been there. You only have on life and happiness is the most important thing in a person's life.

I'm not saying to leave your wife just weigh the options well. Don't do it for the kids, her or anyone else but you! Let your kids Know you love your wife but your not in live with her and maybe they will understand!

I personally think you should try to work it out though my Nooka! 20 years is a very long time and Lord knows how long this new girl will last! All I'm saying is weight your options out thoroughly! Seek counseling and change your work shifts to make it work!

Honestly only you know what is right for you and if the relationship isn't salvageable then by all means divorce! But....Give your wife a chance and try to repair what's broken!

Godspeed,

Win

First, I am very sorry to hear of your struggles. The family and home are a sacred, precious thing and I understand how when this collapses it affects you right down to the bones. What you described is a similar scenario to what my parents did, and what my wife and I almost nearly went through. My perspective on this: dump the girlfriend Ok. It wasnt fair to your family and wife irregardless if you as a couple were not happy together to get involved. This other woman got involved with you fully knowing you were married, do you think she's going to not act duplicit toward you as well? It is vanishingly rare for affairs to develop into a sustained committed relationship, and you cant have any rational perspective on your feelings for your wife or hers toward you when you are fooling around. IMO you owe to your family especially the younger daughter to go to a round of counseling if you have not already tried at least to define and sort out your differences. It may be going through the motions for one or both of you but it will display at least to your daughter that you cared enough to try. Even if your mind is made up this will make a difference in a judges opinion down the road when reality smacks you in the face and you learn what family courts do to men. And I can supply you a long list of friends and acquaintances who expecting their partner was going to be fair, transparent, and honest in working through a divorce until the wheels were rolling, true financial pressures were faced and how often this brings out the worst in both parties. I know several guys who's wives made up venomous lies about abuse or some other fabrication and denied visitation for months or years and permanently fractured their relationship with their child solely out of spite. There is NOTHING you can legally do, as the man, to ensure something like that could not occur. You have to go into this fully aware that is a potential outcome worst case scenario.

Im sorry if I come across harsh, i dont mean to be judgemental. Im just speaking to you as if you were a buddy in person this is what i would advise you, though I know its tough love to direct you to abandon the new partner who is giving you temporary happiness. There is so much at stake to lose and much you will potentially regret years later to not try to mend your family before throwing in the towel.

Best thing i did with my son was me and my ex wife sat down and talked honestly with him. Just laid it out and told him the truth about why we couldnt be together. Kids are smarter than you think and can handle alot if you explain to them and be honest.

glancing through, the main thing is the kids need to come first, esp the younger(s) ones.

I agree sitting with their mother and trying to get to explain to the kids and def try to remain friends.

I think you may be surprised how smart kids, young adutls, are and they may already seen the writing on the wall.

But important to try to remain civil for their sake.

In the end everyone should try to be happy, that includes you, the ex, the kids, the entire family. We go through these sometimes very difficult lives and how we act at these times defines us.

for the fact you are bringing this up speaks highly of you.

I wish you all the best.

Idk. Why get married if you wont do death till u part

The two older children you should give it to them straight. They will understand. The lilt the one will be hard because it's hard for kids to understand relationship when they never had one.

Change for a small child is hard. She seen mom and pops together all her life. That's all she knows. I spoke to a friend about this two weeks ago, he is going through the same thing. Just try to be in her life like you always been. I have a 8 year old and she picks things up quick so just be careful what you say to her.

Greg's advice is solid. The partnership doesn't end because the relationship does.

I can't speak on your relationship with your wife. It sounds like she's supportive. There's probably a lot she's not saying or you're not hearing because you're caught in the moment. The new thing and new ideas feel good. I'm sure you realize that in 6 months, you truly don't know anyone.

I went through something pretty similar a few years back. Threw it all away for someone I met and thought I fell for. That failed. My ex and best friend was still beside me. A few more feeble attempts at something ekse she was still there. I realized over time that I really loved her and was just a fucked up person. One day I couldn't take it anymore and tried fixing it. Too much damage had been done. And once I put in the effort, it was an opportunity for revenge in a sense.
Too many days too late, I realized that nothing means more in this world than family. I can crank my test levels to the max, dial my estro in to borderline crashing, and still hear some dumb old country song and get emotional about it.
Maybe you're doing the tight thing, and everyone will end up happy. I'm just saying the grass isn't always greener. It sucks when you see all that in hindsight.

It's been a few years going through my situation. Looking at it, the part that fucks me up the most is what we're teaching our kids. We are showing them that a broken home dynamic is the norm. That things get hard we move on.
Just some insight. I'd give my left nut to change some of the decisions I made. Having someone that gives enough of a fuck about you to stick it out for 20 years means something. The kids will be affected. Even the older ones. Even if they don't acknowledge it now.
Food for thought.

It's tough bro, there's nothing that I can say out of respect. I get sad just thinking about this as my wife just celebrate 20 years together. I love her more today than I did 20years ago. Just continue loving everyone in your circle even more now than you ever thought possible. I pray that you continue doing what you truly feel is best for you and your family...

It's hard to put the work in to a relationship that needs to be done when you two are on different shifts.Unless you have a truly horrible relationship,i.e abuse,infidelity,I would have thought about one of you getting a different job.I have put extra work into my relationship to keep it going.We have kids together and I want to be there for my kids.I am not sacrificing my happiness for my kids because they,and my woman,are what make me happy.I just remind myself of the reasons I fell in love with her in the first place.Even when she's maxing out on the crazy scale.New relationships are exciting,but do you think it's going to last if you're on different work schedules?I'm just giving you things to think about.I wish you true happiness in whatever you decide.

You and your wife sit down with the kids together and explain that you two are still friends and to the youngest explain that you still still love her and will always be her daddy.

This is not a "one man show" you'll need your wife to be with you to explain that this is a mutual decision and that no one is at fault.