+ 4 Recovering addict and slin pins..
Ok community..so I just started running igf lr3 and will add ghrp 6 and cjc w/o dac shortly..I ordered 100 insulin pins, o and did I mention I use to shoot dope with these kinds of needles? Its not like I want to go out and find some dope, its just odd having these types of needles around and it brings back old memories, some of them are the "Man that used to feel great" but then I play the tape thru and see all the destruction and havoc it caused me and my family and wonder what the fuck was I thinking.. my gear pins never bothered me like this since they are big and obnoxious and would never even think to put them near a vein let alone in it.I don't know guys I just needed to vent cause its been on my mind. Anyone else have these types of issues when they began using insulin needles? Or am I just your typical junkie who is getting triggered..
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When I first started running GH I had the same exact problem. I used to inject coke and meth when I was young and dumb and when my case of slin pins landed I almost went into a relapse. Just pulling one pin outta the box had all these disgusting memories flooding into my head. I hated the man I was when I was doped up and all the problems it caused for my family. But it's hard not to remember the good feeling the high feeling! You remember the high first and it almost puts a smile on your face but then as you roll this idea of maybe shooting again around in your head you remember the hate and angry it put in you. The fear your loved ones had of you and the evil person you are on dope. For me those memories far out way the good high feeling! It doesn't help the jonnsie feeling you get seeing these little fucking pins tho. For me I had to let my ol' lady do everything with these pins at first. From pulling the GH to injection I wouldn't dare look at them. But as time went on and I got used to using them in this manner and not for dope it has gotten better. I can now pull and shoot my own GH using these pins so my advice for you brotha is just give it time and don't let the memories throw you into a dark spiraling tunnel straight to hell. It will slowly get easier for you. If u ever need someone to talk to brotha shoot me a pm. I've been clean from the needle for 7 yrs now not as long as some but it's my accomplishment and I'm damn proud of it
Hell yea bro congrats on the 7 years..appreciate the words man..I'm getting more comfromtable around them since I pin 3 times a day
Ya 3 times a day you would have to get used to them super quick haha
Yes the slin pins definitely bring back the good memories of shooting a good bag or some staight fishscale. But I just make myself think about all the bad consequences that go with getting high and if you are truly honest with yourself you know there is way more negatives to getting high than that 5 minute high you get that ruins your life. Stay strong bro and never forget where you came from...
Peace
i would say its pretty normal to have this trigger some old behavior thoughts. Thoughts dont really matter though. Actions do. you are using these things to better yourself vs before harming yourself. throw that shit from the past where it belongs, in the garbage. Most everyone on here has had some type of problems in the past myself included. Although the past does impact who we are now it doesn't dictate our future and define our present reality. if it did i would have hung myself long time ago. stay strong mate:) and do whatever is needed to stay off the shit. if that means no slin needles then ditch them
keep that chin up brother. +2
Thx bro..I'm good..just had a funky day that day is all..gotten use to the having slin pins around last few days.
Thanks for all the supportive comments guys..I appreciate it more than u can imagine..
Fuckn nuts so many of us have this in common ;-)
Superman and Hit...great words you two!! Love everything you guys said too. Some points for ya both for staying true to it all ++
I hate it too, it also seems that one potential step towards a relapse is complete. if i meant to go get high, normally id have to cop dope, then find pins and then go home and reruin my life. I like there to be as many. barriers as possible.
We talked about this yesterday. You got this bro. I use them and don't even think about what I used to be. I'm so far from that person and do are you. Always junkies that's what we'll be but that alone doesn't define us. That was the first chapter of a 20+ chapter book. Keep writing them chapters. It'll all work out.
work a program. if going to rehab or going to meetings alone kept you sober, there would not be people who have been to 100 rehabs and people who shoot dope in church bathrooms during meetings. its not about wanting it or needing it, its about doing it.
I know exactly where you are coming from. Stay strong...it's not the pin, it's what's in it.
Yep! Right there with ya buddy. I don't believe in all that rehab mumbo jumbo nonsense 12step bullshit tho. It's all about changing your thinking, staying strong, will power and perseverance to CHOOSE to live in the right choices now! You went thru some hell and I did too...think of today and the future and living a long and fruitful life instead of one filled with destruction and turmoil.
Honestly the pins don't bother me, it does run thru my head occasionally..what I used to do with those things but it gives me the shudders more than a craving. I pretty much lost EVERYTHING once and I won't ever again IMO. I also lost close to a decade of life too...being in prison then parole! It all ended this Aug...2004-2014. Personal and literal freedom from the needle in that way is a most glorious way to be ;-)
felt the same way DB, and Hitman, I'm sure those meetings and congregations are a blessing to some, maybe even most, however it was a constant reminder of what I was and it wouldn't allow me to shake those chains that bonded me to that wicked addiction. and I didn't appreciate the overbearing accusations that if I didn't continue I'd never be free from it. yes that first insulin pin drudged up some uncomfortable feelings and memories for a short while but I quickly was able to move right past that and remind myself that pushing 40 I'm going on being in the best shape of my life. for me sitting in a room listening to other junkies doesn't seem like breaking free and moving forward in life, hell for some of those people they have been attending those meetings for years. hey I'm not hating I did learn a thing or two in the beginning, just after awhile it felt more of a crutch to me. to the OP, keep reminding yourself how far you've come and any thought of moving backwards is a waste of your time and could be a waste of your your life. it's not even an option
brother.
Thx for the words bro..appreciate it
Hitman187i agree with everything your saying. i for one can't stand these n/a types going around preaching that if you don't join n/a you wont make it. good n/a may work for you im happy, more power to you. but its not for everyone. so who are they to tell me i wont make it just because our methods of staying sober are different. i believe in everything you said. its about changing your thinking, stay strong, will power, perserverence, etc.... i for one don't like to live in the past either, and constantly relieve the destruction i've caused day in day out. i feel with n/a your holding on to your past. let it go look to the future. i think thats done with the days clean counting. yea celebrate big land marks like one year and so on, dont count daily.every day clean is a gift, counting everyday to me is a daily reminder of my past. i cant do that to myself, im proud of where i am today. of course never forget where you came from, because you can easily end up rite back there, but you don't have to dwell on it and constantly beat yourself up over it.
*these are just my opinions everyone may not agree, and that is fine. everyone is entitled to there own opinions/beliefs, as well i am entitled to mine
What drives me fckn Insane is I can't see myself going to these meetings forever.. that's all they beat into ur head is u won't stay sober without meetings..I want a normal life that doesn't involve meetings every week to not get high. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do..work,have a good life and stay away from dipe..that's all..I didn't get clean to make my life a.a or n.a everyday of my life.
Ace VenturaI'm sure some people need meetings forever. I truly believe going to meetings helped me get and remain sober, but I don't go anymore. I just live my life and drinking and drugs are just not a part of my lifestyle. I went back at one point, after 5+ years sober, and I just felt one step away from the street. I'm sure some people in the rooms have dope on them. But in my everyday life, I swear I don't even know where to get my drugs of choice right now if I wanted them. That's how far I'm withdrawn from that way of life. It just came with living one day at a time.
That's awesome bro congrats on ur time sober..I know its a struggle daily..its just crazy how bad it fuxked up my life at one point and the mind wants to go back and try it again sometimes..its like when u touch a fckn hot stove..you don't do it again..but my Brain tells me to touch it again it might not be as hot this time..
Oh I hear ya...I got all heated the one night before bed and I started thinking shit I hadn't in a LONG TIME...visualizing a stamp bag and putting it in my arm, then all this crap related to the non-relationship with my father. After several years with my girl tho, I finally just let it out to her that I was a junkie and I was having a rare issue struggling. She knew stuff just not details, and doesn't even care...she just reminded me that I wasn't that person anymore and live now. It's just positive thinking my man ;-)
Everything will be A-ok brother
Hell yea bro..can't let the.negative shit controls your thoughts which turn into actions if you entertain them too long..so now I just like to stay busy all day everyday..I go to meetings to sometimes, just to be around sober people really..dont like doing the steps but enjoy the company of people that struggle everyday but have 40 years sober. Its crazy how some of these people haven't touched a mood and mind altering substance longer than I've been alive..
Tronmy man, I never used the needle (thank god i never crossed that line) but popped hella presc drugs on top of a ton of alcohol. I have a sister that went the way of the needle and never came back. I have a friend that i lost contact with do to his relapse. If you think for a split fucking second that you just might have a single fraction of a small percent of a chance of relapsing DROP THAT SHIT!!! ALL YOUR GAINS.. EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED WHILE SOBER.. ALL YOUR FRIENDS..ALL YOUR LOVED ONES..GONE!!!!! why?... because of a few gains from you might have gotten. I Am in a constant fear of being injured and being prescribed narcotics or even my fiance who got a tooth pulled about 6 months ago.. she got some norcos.. I thought I could handle having them in the house... had a couple beers one night... went in and grabbed the pills and started popping them.. missed work that week and never hit the gym because i felt like shit and even lost a couple pounds. Bro, don't ever risk your sobriety. Look into maybe some S.A.R.M.S. where you use a liquid dropper.. (I have some on the way myself). You may be physically strong as shit but like superman... we all have out kryptonite. WE DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU BROTHER! pm me when you are feeling cravings bro.. and I will do the same.
Thanks bro .good words to hear..I started back to a few meetings just to keep my head in the right place..some days I feel like eating a few perks And saying fck it.but then I remember how quick I will destroy everything I have achieved physically with my body and material things and family's trust..was a rollercoaster to get it back and I'll be damned if I lose it for my own selfish reasons..I'm just glad I'm surrounded by good people , and even here, awesome support from people I've never even met willing to help me out. I just know that I can't even drink a single beer cause as soon as I do I will go for what I really want and that's opiates..thx bro
Well said.
Ace VenturaHonestly McMeanie, if that was me, I would throw them away and stay away from HGH and peptides for the time being. That's a hell of a trigger. Or maybe it is just a fear you can face, and then get past. I never used IV drugs, but if it was a requirement to smoke peptides out of a test tube, I would run for the hills away from that shit.
...not giving advice, just my personal feelings
I know what ur saying bro..but its like the same with pills...they're everywhere and there will be times that I can't avoid being around them..just becomes a part of life I have to deal with I suppose..I'm pretty sure I can face it, just feels different having them around now that I'm not shooting dope..thx for ur feedbacktho man, i did debate on pitching them at first
First off, congrats on over coming your addiction. Easier said than done. I see you realized the problems it caused not only you but even more important, your family. And you handled your business. Stay strong, take care of that family!
Thank you man for ur words...if it weren't for the gym and trying to take care of my body I don't know where I'd be..gym and family saved me from certain death, wasn't if I'd die, it was when.
Iron_MonkEx dope fiend here too. Same issues. Hate seeing them but gotta use them
Use to shoot speed balls ED lol
I used to be addicted to the needle itself bro..don't know why.. I would bang water hoping it would help me feel better when I was sick and in my mind it helped, for a quick second but that was it...its fcked up bro
Iron_MonkLol ive done that too. I used to try banging vicodin if I could find dope.
I use to share pinz wit my girl cause idk where to get them
Now I got like 200 for single use lol
I hate seeing them but hey its better than scar tissue from a bigger gauge
Yea bro was definently a fucked up way to live..can't believe I did it for so long and survived
bigwillyEast coast dope feene baby. We will be dope feenes till we die.dont let it bother ya dog, use em for what there for. Hell ya cooked your dope in a spoon, and here you are smashing ice cream with a spoon, lol stay strong dog.
Yea bro east coast junkie myself...I hear ya on the spoon thing, but that never got to me..I use to have a bitch of a time finding a rig when I was shooting dope..now I got 100 of them AND throw them away after 1 use? Lol I use to use them bitches even if they were curved like a roadmap.. thx bro appreciate the words