How to repair a relationship with a family member you just beat the crap out of?
So like anyother sat night at 1am my happy ass is sleeping. Well not this sat my sis n law calls me Crying saying my brother was being abusive towards her because he got kicked out of a club. Here's a lil back ground on my brother he's 25 and a Sgt in the corp with a drinking problem. So back to my night.my sis n law says she's really scared this time and wants me there incase he does something dumb. So I get my happy ass out of bed tell the wife what's going on. So I meet them at their friends house and he starts running his mouth to me, no big deal even though I'm on a whole lot of tren so I brush it off. I finally get him in my truck to take him home and as we are at the corner he gets out and starts yelling at his wife who is driving their car. So I proceed to get out and attempt to get him back in. Well at this point he's taking his shirt off and trying to square up with me. He's my lil brother and I could never hurt him that up until I saw him shove his wife to the ground. At that point I lost it and beat the shit out of him. Now I'm just wondering is there anyway possible to repair our relationship after this or is it a lost cause? I feel terrible for doing that to him but at the sametime we were raised to treat women with respect but what he did was not acceptable. I wonder what I could've done differently.
Here's a fallow up. He called me and apologized for being an idiot and he thanked me for knocking some sense into him. I want to thank each and everyone of you for your support and advice. It's people like you that make this a great place.
- Bookmark
- 0
- 0
** Just a little update for everyone I spoke with B F rube about a day or so ago and him and his brother have worked it out and his brother came to him and apologized. I don't think he will mind me letting you all know**
in all seriousness i feel sorry for yr brother so many of the military are coming home fucked up PTSD...i think u should reach out as lovingly as possible...i had 3 brothers i know how they fight and how they may beat the shit outta each other but god help anyone else who does.....yr brother is obviously very anger which anger turned inside out is sorrow :( i wish you healing in yr family
AnonWhere have you been?
keepin a low profile some ppl on this site are a bit two faced
I only have one face.
^^^TRUTH^^^ However I was thinking they where that way just to me
nope def not just you...there are some serious haters and gossipers too
Haters, gossipers and nuthuggers... they should form a group! BUT REMEMBER! Jealousy produces haters, insecurities produce gossipers and nuthuggers are produced from well being up on someones ball sack! Sooo you my dear are doing perfectly fine.... let them hate and gossip it's only a refection of their inter self.
For what it is worth, no one has said anything to me negative about you two. I think you both are great and a great addition to this forum. Don't let a couple immature (insert word) wreck it for all of us.
Ice I must say you sir are correct!! You said it perfectly.. I know who my immature (insert word) folks are and I can live all day long with out them in my life... I would never let that wreck how great everyone else is on this site... You are one of those people.. thank you for reminding me.. and I know Alayna feels the same way.. She's a beautiful soul!
TIME That's all you need to do is give it time, and when your bother comes back around give him a big hug and tell him you would expect him to do the same to you. You did the right thing, but you can't change your family.. all you can do is try to help make them better.. if you can't do that, your will still be related to them
bbondsWhen i was 22 my brother was strung out on herion and beat the shit out of my sister
she called me bawling and told me what he did when i got to her place she was bleeding out her nose
And mouth and as i was getting out of the car he was going after her again i ran grabbed him by the throat and threw him, as i went to attend to my sister he was coming at me with a baseball bat
I rose up and kicked out his feet and he got up and went after me again throwing punches but
Never landed one i threw one punch and knocked him out it was one of the worst experiences
and he hasnt forgiven me for that but even though i wish we had a relationship i know protecting
My sister was my main concern who knows what would of happened, sucks bro wish i could have
a friendship with my bro even though its been 10 years, hope all works out for you and your bro.
first off mate, well done on doing the rite thing!! you sound like a good bloke and id do the same!! I don't accept violence against women!! I have brothers, my older brother and I have always had dramas, its always been a competition, we have had many fights, I usually lose, until a year ago when my size and strength was ridiculous, and I fkd him up!! we did not talk and it was splitting the family, in the end we sorted shit out for the sake of our mum, but if theres any occasions such as xmas easter bdays etc it is awkward and were both on edge knowing that shit could kick off at any time, you can repair it but it wont be the same, we apoligised to each other but it was fake, there will always be hostility especially if alcohol is involved!! good luck mate!!
yr Australian you shouldn't even comment cause you guys beat the fuck outta each other for shits and giggles! mate hehe
mwah
only if dingoes steal our babies , we then drink ten litres of fosters lager, beat each other up, then put a shrimp on the barbie!!!!!!!!!!!!
lmao...ok no more jokes this thread is serious...but feel free to PM me the australian jokes
I have a younger brother..(all mouth) and a dick. I beat him up badly years ago.
bleed all over him too as we fought. He still carries the problem. I dont have one after it.. he does..
There is really nothing you can do. People have there own idea of what they will and wont let go of.
I cant talk to him now.. nor do i want to- because his ego is so huge there is no way its going to happen.
I come from a dysfunctional family...you just have to deal with who they are how they relate to you..
AnonYou nailed it. I came from one as well. Those precious first years of life will define how we relate not only to our family members but everyone else we meet in life. Unfortunately there are a shitload of people who will never recover from problems as a child.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genie_%28feral_child%29
WeatherwedNothing will be repaired until he squares off with his drinking problem. His brain is pickled from booze and he's not capable of understanding the totality of the destruction he creates. Depending on how long hes been drinking it may be years of sobriety before he truly comprehends what he did while he was drinking.
The worst thing you can do after an incident like this is help the alcoholic clean up his mess. By meeting him halfway with a peace treaty you'll be doing just that. It's essential that the drinker wakes up the next day and experiences the full weight of their choices. The call it hitting rock bottom for a reason. If landing softly with the comfort of family and friends made people sober they would call it that.
Hey bro, these guys have you well covered so I will just put in my .02. His issues are greater unfortunately than a good ass whooping. Don't get me wrong I am glad you did it but the reality is if he is beating on women it might enrage him more to do so, Because him coming back at you if the proof he is not going to fear an ass whooping.
Since he can't take you he will take it out on someone weaker, I am a military man and I have seen this unfortunately too many times. If you care about his wife tell her to leave his ass and be strong. Support her freeze him out totally because the relationship cannot be repaired until he is convicted he is fully to blame on all sides and has no self justification left. You can tell him you love him but he is toxic to the family and you are not going to pity him so he can go on being a tyrant. Be strong and do this it will either force him to break or it will harden him which he will 100% do if you all let him remain and behave this way. The ass whooping made you feel better to him it just justifies why like getting thrown out of a club everyone is the asshole but him. My thoughts are with you, anything I can do please let me know.
AnonWhether or not you can overcome this is totally up to you and him. I would think that your relationship while growing up is going to be the deciding factor. Were you always close growing up? Many family members hate each other and cant get along but its something that happened in childhood.
AnonBeat the shit out of as in, left him with a black eye and bloody nose ? Or needing a trip to the ER for a damaged eye socket ?
If it was the former, I say no big deal, esp since its your brother. And esp since you were defending his wife. But dont let this cause you to let up on him, you need him to realize this was all his fault and he must accept that if theres any chance of him changing.
X1000 My twin brother ^^^^^! I just don't have anything hardly to post anymore you have everything covered lol.
His left eye should be swollen shut by now. It was swelled up pretty good last night. When he woke up he was shocked and upset that I had hit him and he came after me so I dropped him again. His face is pretty banged up today.
AnonYeah but no trip to the ER. so I say no biggie, this is a case of boys will be boys. Have you never gotten in to it with him before ? Every single friend I had with a brother had gotten in to a fist fight at one time or another.
Quite frankly I think the fact that its your brother makes this easier . Imagine if he was your brother in law ? Things would be much more awkward.
Im even thinking you should get on the phone to your mom and tell her what happened. Let her beat his fuckin ass a bit too.
It's been 10 years since we actually went toe to toe. Oh she knows already. She was calling me at 3am to hear the story. I'm sure she will let him have it. She's actually watching his kids so he has to see her.
AnonThats perfect. Youve set the stage now you can step back. If he has any respect for your mom, his wife and himself he will feel the shame of his mothers gaze as she thinks of her son beating up on a woman, let alone the mother of her grandchildren.
Youve done what needed to be done, now its up to him. As far as patching it up with him. Give it a week, Id bet, Id hope he comes to you first, but if he hasnt in a weeks time just show him how a man steps forward to say hes sorry. Lead him by your example.
You did the right thing bro. I've got all brothers and we are all pretty close in age and we have beat the shit out of each other on many many occasions. The nice thing about it is this, you are bros so likely you'll never get the cops called on you, and hell forgive you because you are his brother. Even though he's the one that owes the apology, give him one and tell him that you love him (no homo) give him a hug and you'll all feel better. Easy fix bro. My best friends are my brothers As they should be. You've just gotta make shit right and it will be easily forgotten. Oh and if he gets rough with a lady again, make sure that you beat his ass a little harder next time. He knows better.
Sounds like the first and foremost problem is his drinking. Repair that friendship stat and get him to sober up before he really hurts your sis n law or someone else and ruins his life. Seen people go down hill quick. Only reason I recommend this. Really sorry to hear you had to do that bud. Hope you can squash it with him. You obviously care a ton and are a good bro.
My guess is that when after he sleeps off his hangover he will have a blurry recollection of the evenings events. I would hope that your sister in law would involve you in refreshing his memory. It's clear from your reaction that you two weren't raised that way. That being said I'm sure he will come around quickly. Tell him you felt terrible "restraining," him but that you would hope that he would do the same if your wife called him is a similar situation. As BlueBull40 said better you than the cops. Props on stepping up! I would have done that same.
Brothers fight, at least we did and I am 8 years older than my little brother. I never beat him badly tho, just enough to establish dominance lol (He always initiated combat). The key with us tho is repairing it fast. He is your brother, you go right to his house this morning and talk with him. Even if he don't want to. It is intervention time. Good luck brother.
I know I want to get this behind us because he deploys in 2. 5 weeks and because he's my brother.
DEFINITELY do whatever it takes to get this shit behind you bro. You don't want something happening to him on his deployment and y'all being on bad terms. There's a lady I know that was killed in a car wreck last night and she and her only child were on bad terms. You could hear her daughter screaming from a couple blocks away when she found out what happened. It was awful! Good luck brother
Thanks for all your responses fellas.
I just feel so terrible Because I've never beat someone that I cared about. I just hope he realizes that he shouldn't drink at all if he can't control himself.
56tooYou did the right thing man. If he's anything of a man HE will be the one apologizing, if he doesn't give it time he will. He definetly needs to do something about his drinking otherwise he's headed for a nightmarish life. I know I've been there.
Totally! That's what guys do. I think you did the right thing and I am sure he will realize that once he comes to his senses.
Sounds like he needed a good ass whooping to refresh his memory "don't threat or beat women". Also time is a healer give it a month or two and try to rebuild some bridges from there
I would have done the same thing ! Time will heal your relationship bloods thicker than water !
x2. You taught your brother a lesson as far as I'm concerned, a lesson most males learn at a very young age, dont hit women.
I'd have done the same thing if my brother hit my sis in law.
You guys will be fine, give it time.
TronFirst of all you are brothers. It's not like you will never talk again. Maybe not for a while but who gives a shit?!! Bro, he shoved a woman to the ground! An ass whoopin aint gonna kill him bro! If anything he had it coming and you did his ass a favor! maybe next time he will remember how it feels when someone beats your ass before he does it to your sister in law. Don't be ashamed of what you did bro. If you would of grabbed and tried to restrain him he would of hit you anyways and you still would of had to beat his ass.
i dont see why would you need repair relationship with him, brother or no brother he was drunk and get nasty with woman so everyone will give him good beating if they see that.
its his time to appology and try sort this with you and his wife.
but i do feal for you mate, i have drinkers in closest family and its nasty thing deal with.
Sup BF. Honestly, I think your bro was lucky you were there and not a family member from his wifes side like her Father or even worse the police. Shit could have easily escalated to a more extreme point if that was the case so I wouldn't be so hard on yourself homie. Oh and much credit is due for not losing it straight of the bat when your ass got woke up at 1am with the phone ringing hahah high level Tren control applied
By brother in law put his hands on my sister once. I had to track his ass for two days before I caught with him. That was 3 years ago and he has kept his hands to himself since, but he still is not allowed to show his face around me or my brother....
Yeah and by the sounds of it he learned his lesson that very day. I only have brothers no sisters but I do have an 8 month old little girl and if the day comes where some ass hole uses any kind of violence towards her I only hope I can be as level headed, only fuck his shit up to the point where a lesson can actually be learned..... lol infact .. I hope I get my hands on him before her mother does
she defo woukdnt hold back !!
It was funny that day when I caught him, he called the cops,(like a bitch) happened to be the same cop that arrested him 48 hours earlier for putting his hands on my sister. The cop was like " You had it coming but told me I to not have to have the cops called out there again." Good enough, lol. It has been awhile now and I think the idiot may be finally growing up, but again, I don't talk to him. He will always be a POS to me..