+ 1 I feel y'all deserve an explaination
I have read my posts as of recent and can tell some of them are coherent and some make no sense... I am going to try to explain and apologize at the same time. About 3 weeks ago my ex-wife decided to come visit me. I had not even heard from her in almost a year... Been divorced about 3yrs now, and I refuse to contact her. I'm just gonna put it out there no matter the hit to my pride. She left me, said I was boring and didn't ever want to do anything and she was tired of it. See I have stated I dont drink or recently I kinda told on myself and said I shouldn't drink. I am an alcoholic, and cant drink, hope I never do agian... Anyhow, she calls me and says she just has to come see me. She lives 2hrs away and shows up at my house after appearantly fighting w/ her current boyfriend and she was pretty well drunk. She's an alcoholic/heroine addict supposed to be in recovery as well. I end up drinking some w/ her, and we sleep together. The next day she tells me how big of a mistake it all was and she has to go, take care.
This really messed w/ my head and I fell into a tailspin. The kind of alcoholic I am, is a binge drinker, I generally drink my ass off for days get myself sick and would not drink for a while. I quit in 06... So long story short the last 3 weeks until a few days ago I drank my ass off like they were gonna quit making the shit. I refused to go to work,(luckily I still have my job) I didnt shower for days at a time, definitely didnt make it the gym, if I did eat it was complete shit that I ate. I quit caring about everything, thinking about doing the unspeakable. I dont know what I was thinking when writing 1/2 the posts I wrote, I apologize to everyone who got a pm that probably didnt make any sense, and I even posted a pic. I was unshaven clearly hadnt worked out in pajama pants. Sadly I erased that pic, but it did give me motivation to put down the bottle. The way I drink is I pound the drinks vodka, beer, whiskey, wine everything, until I pass out, as soon as I wake I am grabbin the hooch again, basically pullin about 3 drunks a day. It is the definition of insanity. I am now off the booze, and I did not sleep for 3 days at all, just puked and pissed out my ass, and I laid there and thought about everything I've f'd up. My house was filthy, shit everywhere. I pissed all over the bathroom is the only explaination I can have for the odor in there before I cleaned it. I plan to be back in the gym tomorrow morning to get going again. I lost my mind and I'm sorry for all the stupid shit I posted when I was outta my mind. I know I'm kinda crazy, but I'm also too smart for my own good is how it's been phrased to me before. The only reason I take the time to tell on myself and try to let y'all inside my head for a minute is cause you mean something to me. This site means something to me, there is no better community for learning and growing in muscle building knowledge that I have found... I've spent the last 3 weeks tearing myself down, and it's time to pick up the pieces and dust myself off and get back to what I can be proud of instead of feeling shame for my actions. If anyone can learn anything from my actions I would like you to take away that you have to be true to yourself, and not let another person get inside your head to where you change your goals or standards. Nothing messes w/ my head like a woman especially if I allow myself to care. I post about usually messing w/ strippers, and there is a reason for that, no feelings invovled, I dont have to care. So lastly about 1/2 of the stuff I wrote recently was bullshit and I apologize for that. I know some of you will think less of me after reading this, but i feel I had to say it as part of my recovery. So all apologies, and the real everclese is back not the schizo one!
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Brotha, I don't think there is anyone who thinks less of you after reading that. You are a good dude. Pick yourself up and kick some ass. We are all pulling for you. No homo.
CleyonIt would only be homo if you said "we're all pulling on you" so you're in the clear.
CleyonBrother, we're here for you. I knew something was off, but sometimes it's just a post from an iPhone or something. Remember that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, I'm proud that you came in here like a man and owned it, that always takes guts. Don't beat yourself up over this, we all have our own deamons.
If you really are too smart for your own good, you will get through this and I have faith in you. Keep hitting the gym and not the bottle - you will feel the benefits. Take care ;)
AnonI barely know you, but saw very much that you needed to vent some shit out. Im glad you did and glad it helps.
Sorry to hear of your struggle and glad to hear you are on your way out from under it.
quit fuckin around clese!! .U GOT THIS BROTHER. and hey...> : ) smile
ps.
GET YA ASS TO THE FRIGGGGIN GYM AND LIFT SOME HEAVY ASS SHIT!
I've got this strange, uneasy feeling of wanting to puke just reading this.
And sleeping with drunk, upset ex wives who have just fought with their men is never a wise choice.
ADVICE #1....Stop drinking. Not for a day. Not for a month.....for GOOD. If you can't do that, then check into the nearest hospital, prison, or morgue, because that's where you're going anyway.
ADVICE #2....Get rid of the ex......for good. Because with her still lingering around, the only options you have are listed in ADVICE #1.
I'm not trying to be a dick....but that's the reality. Fancy tricks and slick words of encouragement are for self-help addicts---the ones you always see at the bookstore, looking for the newest "technique" to help them. The only help is going to come from you, and it can be summed up in one word-----STOP.
right on bro, I didnt intend to do it? I guess no one who wears my kinda shoes ever intends for it to go as far as it does... I felt like she needed me, correction, she made me feel like that. then I continued beating the holey hell outta myself cause that's what I do? I lost quite a few days... I'm back w/ a better head on my shoulders and I for sure take heed in ur advice and there wont be a next time! I felt like I was gonna be in the morgue swear. Gettin dizzy in between puking and pooing. but that's behind me now and time to move forward. Didnt mean to make ya get queazy, I can only assume that somehow u can relate. appreciate ya reminding me of my options.
I fight with that demon on a regular basis, and I always try to think of how bad I'm gonna feel the next day instead of great I feel in those first few hours when I've got the entire bar laughing and I'm a rock star.
I tried to smoke weed more often, but all that did was burn me out. The only way to get your sanity back is pure determination and a clear head.
http://www.eroids.com/forum/general/off-topic/the-recovery-lounge....na-...
Your def not alone!
Chin up ;-)
tryin grrrrl thnx
it aint easy being sober thats fo sho ! problems are always pink or green imo keep your head up and hit up some meetings .
I've seen your posts before and you're a trip and a funny (as in haha) bro. It can take desire, support and staying away from bad situations to beat an addiction. Try to stay strong and focus on goals (e.g. you beat 300lb bench...now go for 400lb bench), so there's less room for negativity. If you think you've hit rock bottom, then the only way is up.
I didnt drink at 300 now I gotta get that back. That was right before she came back maybe a week or so? That's the way it seems to work. As soon as I hit a level in my life no matter where I get thrown a challenge this one I failed. But, w/ I can get it back muscle memory i bet I am only a couple weeks off!
It's in there bro...just gotta dust yourself off, get back in there and start lifting.
Now dont go replacing any other substance for the booze. I figured you were on coke to be honest. Oh and the girl is calling you boring? she sounds spoiled, and believes she exists for other people to come up with things that are fun for her. The best advice I could give would be not to entertain any relationship with that girl other than sex. "I dont want to hang out,talk, I only want you to call me when you wanna bang" She deserves nothing more. Please remember the gym wont let you down.
Keep your head up. You know what to do. I am a recovering drug addict. Been sober a little over 3yrs now. Speed, Coke it didn't matter. Get your relationship back with your higher power get on your knees and pray. Get your ass back to a mtg. I'll pray for you tonight. I am glad that you pulled out of it bro! Never forget where you came from.
Good call, hope this reiterates the shit is still there and it wants us more than before. Stay cool bro
X2!
After reading your post I have nothing but respect for you brother! God bless
Bro happedns to be the best of us man its all good, just take it one day at a time and u will b fine bro get back at it with a vengence lol....recovery and the gym! But take recovery first for a while...i was tought everything you put before your recovery you risk losing
You sound a lil familiar w/ my struggles, like u kno the program a lil?
; )
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I had a similar problem with my ex gf. Really puts in perspective how my problems aren't that bad. Good post bro we're all in this together
i don't think less of you bro. you one of my favorites on here. don't let no BITCH get in your head. hit the gym, get big, get clean, grab your nuts pop your collar and make it happen big man....head up !!
Thnx thor, I'll be able to swing the hammer like a God soon jus gotta get my lightning back so far I jus hav the thunder.
I want to say I never expected this kind of support I really didnt, I expected people to be all ya you said this and that stupid shit.
Thanks bros thanku, and this solidifies the fact that this community is barnone filled w/ some of the best people this world of ours has to offer. I am here to stay and GROW! Makin my stupid ass feel better I cant believe you guys...........
Way to pull out the darkness bro! Was an h addict for five years been sober for three this October it's a rough road to take a most people can't make it! Don't trip on the women u got ur health and there are twice as many women then there are dudes on this planet and always more than one person for someone! Keep ya head up,stay strong, and train hard!
they say the longer you do it the easier it gets, problem is when u slip u fall farther. Stay solid bro and learn from me!
Stay strong, use all that bs as gym fuel
I was looking back at your "get this bitch off the phone" post and I thought I called that one in my response to u. ;)
It does take some balls to admit what u did. I too was an alcoholic and know how it goes. Keep your head up man. Take out your anger and hurt in the gym. Its only going to benefit you.
Stay strong! Crazy at the bottom of the thread was an advertisement link for drug rehab WTF? Damn Google!
i for one do not think less of you after reading this and im sure no one here has that thought...to admit to yourself that you fucked is extremely hard and most people rarely do it. dont tear yourself up so much, negativity breeds negativity. be positive! instead of telling yourself what you did wrong ask your self what can i do to be better? you will find your will to succeed. hit that gym hard tomorrow, those endorphins will help you shake that relapse fast. chin up chest out always!
tread-mTeam Clese brutha...much love! No homo
jus a lil homo please I feel such at peace when u rub my back. No insertion tho GODDAMN i didnt shit right for a week.
thnx big buddy
man recovery is a day at a time i don't think less of you. i think more of you for having the balls to pull your self up and admit your mistakes. don't let them get you down just do you.
While I dont know you and we have never really spoken here, I can tell you that this post does not make me think less of you. In fact it shows a great deal of character. Everybody has there ups and downs. I can see that you posses a great deal of intestinal fortitude and strong will. Keep up the good fight brother. I am on alot if you ever need an ear to listen, hit me up anytime.
FR sent
accepted
Takes a real man to own up to your faults and face your demons. I applaud your honesty and wish you well in your journey!
Big cyber hug brother! Having the heart shreddded is always hard to swallow. Been there :(. It takes huge courage to admit a problem and get the house in order. Best hopes that you can find it cleaned soon. You're a Silly funny mofokka and we rely on you being here as well.
big Thanks 48 it means something comin from u I follow all ur posts
Way to man up hoss.. Best of luck with all the bs.. Keep ur head up