Ok, Goth, I know this doesn't meet the criteria but I was asked to submit it anyway. I'm not in it to win it. Just get a laugh.(My homeGrrrrl asked me to retell a story I posted a while back for the dumbass contest. I'm not sure how dumb ass it is but its funny!)

The first time I attempted to pin myself. I couldn't do it. I was sweating and shaking. I would put the pin super close to the skin and bitch out at the last second. I take a deep breath and try again, Put the pin up against my skin and pull away. I was holding my breath, clenching my muscles, veins popping out of my head. I was a mess. Finally after an hour of this non sense I got my boy to come help me. I was scared to ask my wife because she didn't know back then what I was doing. He comes up, I prep the area on my glute , bend over slightly leaning on my bed post and I start bitching again before he gets it in. This is how the convo went.
Me: "Dude, wtf is takin so long man. C'mon I wanna get this shit over with.
Him: "I wish you would stop bitching and man up
Me: I don't know if I can man. Maybe I'll get an oral
Him: "if you don't stop bitchin I'm gonna jam it the fuk in
Me: "ok hurry up
Him: we'll bend over more mfkr
Me: "awe shit man it's gonna hurt goin in I know it

Boom, the door slams open! It's my wife , "Jesus C****! OMG What are you doing behind him and why are your pants down? Omg I can't believe this. Really? Omg omg omg"!
She heard the whole thing. It took me 10 minutes of swearing "it's not what you think" to convince her we weren't gay and My boy wasn't about to pound my ass! lol. I din't want to tell her what we were doing which made it even harder to explain wtf was going on. I finally had to tell her. What a day! lol. Soon after she was running anavar and confessed that she knew all about AAS from her own secret research.