BrofessorChaos's picture
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Moving on

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Feelings serve a purpose, but there’s a fuzzy line between allowing yourself to be reacting to your feelings, and whether or not you’re hurting yourself in the reaction.

Lately, life is throwing me for a loop. Seemingly endless trials and tribulations. My mind produces wonderful thoughts, and beautiful ideas…. But it also tells me I’m a worthless asshole quite a bit. It tells me I should just hit the snooze button, because I feel tired. It tells me I should stay inside, because I don’t feel like talking to anyone. It tells me to not go to the gym, because I’m feeling depressed.

Working off my emotions gets me into trouble. Just about every time. When I can set my emotions aside, view the issue in its entirety, and slowly piece together a reaction that will produce a desirable outcome.

In recovery, my emotions tend to be all over the place, and that lasts for a very long time. Like, 1/2 a year + before my brain balances back out from the drug abuse. If I let feelings get in the way, I’ll end up using - again…. Because that’s what happens for me when I fly by the seat of my pants, and just wildly roll through life unaware of my drastically negative effect on myself and the world as a whole.

I like being nice. I like being happy. I like being active. I like being unchained from the bull shit that I allow to keep me down. I’m taking my life back. I’m moving on regardless of emotions I’m feeling. Fuck that. I’m putting action behind the words I speak describing myself as an upstanding, honest, reasonable man.