BrofessorChaos's picture
  • 34

+ 3 Tough shit

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Last few years have been really rough, but today was testing me. I write a lot here about positive stuff, but today I need to just be real, and share what’s going on in my life. It’ll give me a little relief not holding on to this.

I’ve been extremely depressed lately, but thinking about it deeply, I haven’t felt happy in a long, long time. I’ve been doing everything I can to address it, and ensure I don’t slide further into the hole. And god forbid end up doing something stupid, like drinking/using drugs. Regardless of how I feel now, any activity that opens the door to addiction will ensure my life becomes exponentially worse.

I’ve talked to a doctor, and a therapist, I’m trying different medications, constantly working and working out, spending time with other people even though I really don’t want to, started talking to my family again. Truly, I’m doing the work and in time I’m sure it will pay off. But right now just sucks ass and I’m dealing with straight up demons.

What’s different is that I understand now, more than ever, that my life doesn’t have to be horrible. I don’t have to go to bed and pray I don’t wake up again. I have hope that things will get better if I just keep putting in the work.

Thanks for reading.

BrofessorChaos's picture

Thank you guys SO MUCH. You really lifted me up, you guys are on it. Much love, guys, thank you.

Yukon Jack's picture

I’ve had those same feelings Brofessor . I still deal with it on a daily but I ain’t got the answers. Everyday seems like it’s something imo.
Just gotta stay positive as cliche as it sounds

press1's picture

Just saw someone post this on Quora and thought it was a great reflection on life:

As you turned 40, what did you wish you had known when you were 30?

Marriage: That marriage you are trying to save? Yea, that one, isn’t worth it. Go your separate ways and find happiness outside of relationships.

Fast food: The processed food you are putting in your body, will catch up to you. Nourish your soul, life is longer than you think.

Health: Make time for exercise. I know you feel like you are indestructible, but you aren’t. Time has a way of catching up to you. And if you don’t use your time wisely, you will know.

Relationships: If you weren’t married by 30, then you’ve probably experienced some brutal asshole thats taken advantage of your kindness(unless you’re that asshole). Learn from that asshole, accept the lesson and grow. Stop ruminating.

Clock: Father Time doesn’t stop. We keep aging. The Botox, hair dye, plastic surgery, or whatever you “invest” in to stop the clock, won’t work. Happiness doesn’t come from looks, it comes from what’s inside.

Self Awareness: As you age, you gain life experience. And with life experience, come lessons, if you pay attention. Pay attention to the lessons, don’t try and escape them.

Alcohol: It won’t make you prettier, more confident, more likable, or more accepted. But it will result in bad judgement and choices.

Choices: The choices you make in your 30’s will greatly effect your life in your 40’s. And when you’re in your 40’s looking back, you will see stupid choices. Choose wisely.

Tomorrow: Quit saying you will make a change tomorrow. Today is your tomorrow. Please believe that.

Friends: They will come and go, pay attention. Know the difference between friends and acquaintances.

Life Happens: Yep, it does. And it sure as shit isn’t always fair. Roll with the punches and make your 50’s a time you don’t have to ask about your 40’s.

PropheticWookie's picture

Thank you for sharing and detailing with us. Be wise and be patient. Difficult times give way to days of happiness. You can overcome everything.c

Henry978's picture

Things can only get better. You’re on the right path just hang in there. Social interactions are what keep us connected even though it feels forced right now. If old connections aren’t working out, try making new ones. Sometimes we leave behind what wasn’t good for us

press1's picture

Try not to think about it too much mate and just let things drift by you if you can, we have all been there when nothing seems to be going right and you end up wondering why does this shit just seem to happen to me and not other people. You have to take a step back and look at everything that is going right in your life - You aren't injured in training at all (the worst thing ever for us!!), you are well and not ill or dying with covid, you have your family and friends still when you want to be with them, and the biggest thing of all is you aren't drinking again. NOTHING is worse than being trapped in that kind of hell. I always use to fall asleep on the sofa pissed out of my face hoping I wouldn't wake up in the morning too, and now in reflection we wonder how on earth we ever lived in that kind of mindset. Before you know it the bad times will of gone by and you will be enjoying your life again, we are only here for a short time in the bigger picture of things and have to make the most out of each day that we are here Smile Well done for being brave enough to put something like this up.