Today, I’m just trying to keep myself aware of what life REALLY was when I was using. Not the fairytale version of it. This is what generally gets me. It’s not when things are going bad, it’s the good times that are so dangerous for me in recovery. Feeling happy is a gift of my movement toward recovery. There was no happy then. It was dark. And it all started when things were going good.

So Just for today I’m going to remember how far I’ve come along in the short time I’ve been pursuing recovery, and remind myself that there were no good times. None. No matter what I try to tell myself. The good times went out the window a decade ago.